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Started by 2chickiebaby, February 13, 2010, 03:07:12 pm

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Pen

Anna, best wishes to you. It does help knowing others are going through it, although I wish none of us had to. We spend all those years fighting for our kids - making sure they do their homework, etc., making sure they're safe and in some cases keeping them alive. It's what moms are 'supposed' to do. All of a sudden I'm required to shut off my feelings, quit my "job," change our holiday traditions, deal with a big change in family dynamics, accept our new status as non-entities and move on, all the while watching DIL's family take over for us. I know it's going to take time to adjust. I know I'm the one who has to adjust since I'm the one bothered by this! DIL/family and DS are not sitting home worrying about my feelings, that's for sure. Well, DS does a little, but he gets over it quickly :)

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

renny97

Quote from: cremebrulee on February 18, 2010, 05:38:18 am

....what a woman told me along time ago...follow that little voice inside, called instinct, as it's a God Given protective mechanism, that we've all been blessed with...if you feel it's wrong, then it most likely is....


Absoutely! Mine, are so powerful. I think, as you mentioned before about being a "people watcher" you observe people when they aren't aware of their body language and look of the eyes...etc.

Any time in my life, I've ever tried to ignore my instinct, no matter how wild it seemed, I found trouble in my life. I learned, not to explain to anyone about exactly why I felt as I did to every person, because it is so abstract, but yet it is deep in the gut. A few times, people would dimiss it or deny their observations or mine. But, I cannot remember the topic now, but I had admitted I was uneasy about this person because of the way they said something. My listener, thought I was totally wrong.

She ran up to me (old job?), one day and said I was right on about that person. And, all based on my observation of the way he said something..and not, even so much the content. The gut! I could have been a bit "sensitive" on that one, but I didn't ignore that signal.

For some reason, when I am vulnerable, I let too many things go. I think during this time, some people think they can take advantage.

To add to the mix, does anyone think an astrology sign plays a role in relationships?

Gemini

luise.volta

Lots of different takes on Astrology. Lots of different schools of Astrology as well as individual practitioners. One once told me that when people said, "I don't believe in Astrology" to her...she wpi;d  tell them, "That's OK...it's there whether you believe in it or not because it isn't a belief system. If you don't believe in gravity, that's OK too...just don't step out of a 20 story window."  8)

That said, yes, for me it can have a lot to do with relationships. For instance, DH's moon (emotions) is in Pisces, which is my sun or birth sign. Very handy, indeed.  ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cremebrulee

February 19, 2010, 05:36:46 am #108 Last Edit: February 19, 2010, 12:24:33 pm by cremebrulee
Quote from: luise.volta on February 18, 2010, 10:21:30 pm
Lots of different takes on Astrology. Lots of different schools of Astrology as well as individual practitioners. One once told me that when people said, "I don't believe in Astrology" to her...she wpi;d  tell them, "That's OK...it's there whether you believe in it or not because it isn't a belief system. If you don't believe in gravity, that's OK too...just don't step out of a 20 story window."  8)

That said, yes, for me it can have a lot to do with relationships. For instance, DH's moon (emotions) is in Pisces, which is my sun or birth sign. Very handy, indeed.  ;D


I don't know how I feel Luise...but I do know, there are gravity and electrical pulls on our entire solar system, as well as our bodies....

I don't know if you've ever heard the ol saying about a full moon....
my son is a police officer and he says it is absolutely true!  Whenever it's a full moon, there are more crimes and the hospital emergency rooms are full

I believe in other dimensions...and somehow being able to get thru them...and stories people tell of seeing ghosts, flying saucers...I believe it all has to do with energy/dimensions

I've done some research on cell memory...and it is also very interesting...for instance, it's proven, that when someone receives a heart transplant, they do notice changes in they're personalities....here is much to be said about gene memory...watch a dog and how they circle before they lay down...that is carried over from the pack, thousands of years ago, have you ever had the feeling of deja vu?  I believe it has a lot to do with gene and cell memory...

scientists have shown that a common gene variant influences memory for events in humans by altering a growth factor in the brain's memory hub. On average, people with a particular version of the gene that codes for brain derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) performed worse on tests of episodic memory - tasks like recalling what happened yesterday. They also showed differences in activation of the hippocampus, a brain area known to mediate memory, and signs of decreased neuronal health and interconnections.

These effects are likely traceable to limited movement and secretion of BDNF within cells, according to the study, which reveals how a gene affects the normal range of human memory, and confirms that BDNF affects human hippocampal function much as it does animals'.

Can you imagine what that translates for a cure of alzheimer's disease? 

we humans should be so much further along, regarding our intellecutal progression and capablities...technology, research, health, science...this country is so stagnated

...if you think about Newton, he's been dead for 200 years...Einstein, since 1955, and how bout Leonardo Di Vinci who sketched ideas for many inventions hundreds of years ago, and how bout all his works?  my gosh, the Eygyptians performed brain surgeries?

There is so much more out there, and yet, all society cares about is individualism...not about the effects our decissions, acts, thoughts have on the role of society, let alone our families, friends, life itself.

we continually repeat history over again...we should at this point, be beyond wars, and the people of the U.S. should have figured all this stuff out by now, but they don't? 

All this stuff we MIL's are dealing with, comes from a scientific, intellectual stand point is so non productive.  I mean, it's such a waste of time and energy and very foolish, to be acting like this

if you think about what is lost by not teaching our children from youth, about insecurity, how parenting effects a child...and carry's over old primitive thoughts, as well as capablities of thought process...how they're brains (our DIL's) are processing and feeding off of the results from they're behavior....???

we question, so much our DIL's actions towards us and the answer is, intellectually, they haven't grown...they have no idea what it's like to have stability in they're lives...how can one give what they've never known or experienced...and that is what we must change, if socity is to progress and survive...we must become more academic and teach our children to question, to go deeper into problem solving, to learn to be self sufficient...to once again, progress in science...art....research, socialization, morals, and to understand the effects we have on one another...like a trickle down effect in any decission we make...our thoughts, actions, so, effect the lives of others...
Oh, don't get me started, I could go on and on...but we as a society are primitive in our thoughts, actions, etc....

You and I, we shouldn't be experiencing this...however, our DIL's came from very dysfunctional families, with limited education...they were taught how to survive, no matter what...or who they hurt...b/c they're mothers and/or fathers, passed on, what they learned from they're parents, which isn't much...except how to be jealous, indifferent, you have to get married, so you have a man to take care of you and be a member of society...

I thought I had to be married to be successful...that was my only goal...to have children, which is all fine and good, but I so wanted more...wanted to go to college...instead, I've wasted my life, thinking this was all good enough...not knowing what was out there and reachable....the opportunities are endless!

and dealing with a DIL who is so crurel, b/c I didn't teach my son, about the effects a woman from a very bad family background could have on an entire people....I lived in such a sheltered world...everything was good, no one lied, everyone told the truth, you didn't say I love you, unless you meant it?  The world was good, people were not corrupt...sheeesh?

we should be so much further along intellectually...


so sorry for going off on a rant...just things I think about...




renny97

That was so eye-opening and interesting.

It reminded me of when son was a teen, and we were just watching this movie and it was a girl standing and talking to her boyfriend. She was saying that she "had been abused" and that is why she needed to runaway and wanted to have her boyfriend go with her. My instincts, told me she was using this "tale" to blackmail the boyfriend to join her in some adventure. Well, it turned out it was the case.

Meanwhile, son was watching intently. I just happened to ask him whether he thought that the young girl was telling the truth. I said, "I do not." He kept watching, and he said "I think she is telling the truth." So, it is proof that son and mother can watch the same people and come away with two different perspectives. How symbolic that movie came to be! I never forgot that pivitol moment in time.

The DIL, claimed her father threw her down the stairs and called her a B* as a young girl. She said she wanted to move out and get away from him. Okay, don't shoot me here and I was totally stupid, but I allowed her to stay at our house temporarily and rent-free. Later, I realized, she was just doing that to get her "hooks" into my son. Whether the incident of abuse happened, I don't know now.

She turned immediately ungrateful, and found an apartment, and as she was leaving, she said, "I can't wait to get out of here." Son, moved in with her...mission accomplished and then, the real-life movie continued.......

cremebrulee

Quote from: renny97 on February 19, 2010, 09:47:39 am
That was so eye-opening and interesting.

It reminded me of when son was a teen, and we were just watching this movie and it was a girl standing and talking to her boyfriend. She was saying that she "had been abused" and that is why she needed to runaway and wanted to have her boyfriend go with her. My instincts, told me she was using this "tale" to blackmail the boyfriend to join her in some adventure. Well, it turned out it was the case.

Meanwhile, son was watching intently. I just happened to ask him whether he thought that the young girl was telling the truth. I said, "I do not." He kept watching, and he said "I think she is telling the truth." So, it is proof that son and mother can watch the same people and come away with two different perspectives. How symbolic that movie came to be! I never forgot that pivitol moment in time.

The DIL, claimed her father threw her down the stairs and called her a B* as a young girl. She said she wanted to move out and get away from him. Okay, don't shoot me here and I was totally stupid, but I allowed her to stay at our house temporarily and rent-free. Later, I realized, she was just doing that to get her "hooks" into my son. Whether the incident of abuse happened, I don't know now.

She turned immediately ungrateful, and found an apartment, and as she was leaving, she said, "I can't wait to get out of here." Son, moved in with her...mission accomplished and then, the real-life movie continued.......


Renny, hi, and hugs
listen, don't beat yourself up, I would have probably done the same thing...was always a sucker when it came to kids and helping them, the best I could, and sometimes, even when we mean well, we make mistakes....believe me, your not the only one...and you were and are not stupid...

I failed as a parent, and I'm not beating myself up here, but I made a huge mistake.  The naievity I learned and owned from my mother was passed down to my kid...and yours, and probably all the women here...

I did have one talk with him once, about watching out for woman who were looking for a free ride...it did worry me, b/c his father and grandparents are very well to do...but we never really discussed it as it being a threat or what to look for in a lifetime mate...

and the point I was trying to make above, is, in this day and age...there is no reason why our country isn't more intellectually wise...we shouldn't be having so many dysfunctional families, along with crime and drugs out there....we should be so much farther along...and I do believe when people stop thriving on gossip and all that hollywood crap, keeping up with the Jones, and doing more research, eventually, we're going to get it...but no one ever talks to kids about this stuff...no one ever talked to me about it...

I mean, we all thought Disney was reality, you fall in love, get married and live happily ever after...(yeah right) we lived a very sheltered life....

one thing....I do see more and more women realize they're potential and pursue dreams....more and more single women who now realize, you don't have to be married to be successful and society is not stressing it as much, so, in time, perhaps things will turn around....

however, yanno what really bothers me, today, in this world, with all the birth control out there, and so many young teens are still getting pregnant?????  This shouldn't be?????  Are they doing it b/c it's an out for them, like your movie you spoke of?




Pen

"Are they doing it (getting pregnant) b/c it's an out for them, like your movie you spoke of?"


YES
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

"Are they doing it (getting pregnant) b/c it's an out for them, like your movie you spoke of?"


YES

We so desperately need a hero....someone kids can really look up to and aspire to be.  Other than Mom and Dad and some of their friends, heroes are few and far between. They look at movies, none there-- and that's where a lot of kids go to other than TV and their friends, who are emulating the same behavior as they see sports stars and movie stars behave. 

I wasn't alive when the phrase, "say it ain't so, Joe" was said by kids all over the country but I grew up hearing about it.  Kids had wanted to be like Joe (a player of baseball, I think).  I can't remember what he did but it really hurt kids in America.

I think they're looking for a hero.  I think kids want a reason to do good in the world.  I did.

cocobars

February 19, 2010, 01:26:06 pm #113 Last Edit: February 19, 2010, 01:34:15 pm by cocobars
Oh! 
Chickie, you are so right with that comment!  We don't have the "hero's" today that we should have.  Read Creme's post from this morning, can't remember which folder, but will look it up and post it.  It wasn't regarding this subject but relates to this so well!  Basically she stated that as a society (given all the time we've had here on this planet) we should be farther along than we are.  etc. - I have to look this up and will be back to reference it here...

It's this post - reply #118.  She makes so much sense here if we just think about it! 

By the way, Creme - I was in nursing in the 70's in a hospital near where I live now.  When the moon was full we all dreaded working.  It's when we got in most of the suicides!  I'm sorry - I know that's a depressing thought, but true.  The full moon really does affect some people. 

2chickiebaby

my Grandmother told me something I will never forget.  "Human nature will never change"  and it hasn't.

All we can do is to try to behave like we should....we do know, all of us, what is right and what is wrong, deep down, we do.

If you had parents who raised you right, be thankful, you won't have to emulate the behavior of celebrities.

renny97

Coco, when you bring up the full moon theory, it reminded me of the
X-"friend."

We just got back from ME driving to my "nervous" appt...and she asked me if I saw the moon the other night? I did remember. I thought it was so unusual, brighter, and larger than I'd ever seen. I don't know why? So, anyways, she continues that she thought it "was beautiful." I said it was cool-looking but, did look scary, though. Bad things, happen during a full moon. She said, "And, you believe all that?" I said, "I sure do."

So, while she is getting out of my vehicle, she drops her "doggie box" from a restaurant we had stopped at! The pork plopped out and landed inside the vehicle on the middle of console. I said, "See, that's what happens around a full moon!" "Bad things happen." She looked shaken and that "gotcha-look". Her real self was coming out and she got nervous. Then, she kept muttering, while I went inside to get a napkin...the dog got the rest.  ;D

cocobars

LOL!  It's a good thing you have a dog, Renny!  At least that one didn't go to waste!

I hope today is better for you!  It is for me (my bad day being the day before)!  When was the full moon?  Maybe that had something to do with our feelings?

cocobars

I haven't had a chance to catch up on this post.  It looks like you were busy today!  I'm having my DD/her BF, DS, nuther DD, GC for dinner tonight.  I will check back in later on this post!  Look interesting! ;D

I hope you have all had a good day!

2chickiebaby

I'm so happy for you, Coco!! :)

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama