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Daughter in law/Mother's Day/Son

Started by Prissy, May 11, 2009, 03:21:52 pm

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Dear Luise,
I was remembered on Mother's Day. We went to dinner with one of our sons and his wife.  It was nice.  Of course, the other son sent flowers and did call.

I sound like a chronic complainer and I know it.  What once was, the closeness we had, is gone. There is something I can feel in the 2 sons that has just walked off and left.  All my weaknesses have been pointed out to them by their wives.  I wish I was so perfect that there were no imperfections but there must be a lot.

One son won't look at me.  The other is so kind but is married to a control freak who has been horrible to us in the past.  She is so weird.  In fact, both sons married the most controlling women on the planet. I'm rambling.

Why can't I just go on with my life without needing to feel love from my Sons? 

They don't love me, I can tell.  I feel very empty inside. 


I don't think we move through such an experience of our own volition. However, it may be that one day we will just notice that we have put it behind us. Who knows?

In the meantime, as hard as it is, feeling how we feel is probably our inner truth-telling.

Perfection is such a joke. If those who now want us to have been perfect, in retrospect, were perfect themselves...they would never invent such foolishness. It's a two-way street.

When they were little...we were perfect in their eyes. Wasn't that wonderful? We were just being ourselves, warts and all, and they were tickled pink with us.

That was then and this is now, of course. Feet of clay everywhere...on the accuser and the accusee. How silly to just be willing to see half of that. 

You are still who you were then...acknowledged or not. You are more...because you now live with indignities you never knew existed.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Well, even though that was then and this is feels healthy to me that you have expressed it, P. Not just for yourself but for all of us who have been there and done that. What a huge disappointment and how horrible not to find resolution. I have had the same misfortune but I have also had the other kind of daughter-in-law and she is one of the greatest blessings in my life. They aren't all bad any more than all mother-in-laws are bad. I hope she will decide to post here so you can get to know her. Luise
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama



You don't need your sons love to fill up the emptiness inside you. Do you love yourself?


I don't know how to answer that question. I guess I do in a way. I guess I judge myself on how others feel toward me.  I don't understand why she couldn't love me. 

How do you go about loving yourself?  I know I'm supposed to do that but how?  I'm accomplished and well loved by others but what he's allowed her to do is heartbreaking, especially with my background.