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wHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

Started by cremebrulee, February 09, 2010, 04:34:39 AM

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2chickiebaby

I just discovered something...I have a business to run here and I've gotten so involved with this site, I have let it go somewhat unattended and I shouldn't have!!!







luise.volta

Oh, oh! Can you find a way to keep us both? Please?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

RedRose

I can see how that can happen.

Get busy and catch up with your work. That is important too, Chicky.


renny97

Work is work, but adds distraction and balance.

I have had an ongoing situation at work, where this clique of coworkers think I am unaware of their scam of sabotaging my work area and creating more work. It used to anger me, but I keep thinking they will get caught and nearly have, several times.

It reminded me of the almost "parallel" to DIL situation.

I worked with a good worker last night, that usually isn't in my area. She asked if I knew where "she" (bully) went. I answered, "I don't know." Good worker, said she found out "she" went to another area to "look" for something. We were understaffed, and that is why good worker was wondering where "she" went. We could use more help. All of a sudden, I walk through my area, and see "items" from the area that "she" went to. My point is, that it felt almost odd that good worker acknowledged what I'd been dealing with all along. I had shut my mouth, because I knew cliche' were waiting for me to "tell." They were acting on a rumor that I "told" on one of theirs. Politics. Gossip. All that.

They stand around and watch me work. Joke. In some way, there are so many similarities in situations. First, there is an "imagined" wrong they feel I've done. Without knowing the truth, they begin to act out. They get more people involved in it (gang/family) mentality. None of them, knows the truth. It doesn't stop them from continuing every single day from making my work more time-consuming. In this case, they are getting paid to do it!

So, I've learned to keep mouth shut. Nothing will change or be done about the situation. They keep "baiting" me with certain comments; "Oh I don't want to do any work." "Oh I don't care about what you have to do."

The moral and the biggest lesson from this, is, that, for all the wrong "followers," the RIGHT and fair people WILL notice. That is huge. That felt good! I think when dealing with her family, I was outnumbered and their views were "supposed" to be right, just because they all were raised in the same dysfunction. No matter what those others do, if I keep doing right, no matter how unfair of treatment, life will deal with them! I do not need to exert any worry or control/confrontation. If they can blindly follow, how weak! As with DIL and family, people will do and say whatever they please. The best thing, is for me to limit contact. That is why I didn't see it so clearly in my personal life, because, I didn't feel I had a "way out" as in workplace. But, we always have a choice. My heart, got in the way.

luise.volta

I really admire your process.  :)

I know I am always quoting my son...but when I once said to him..."I have no choice." He said, (lovingly,)
"You always have a choice, Mom; you just don't like the consequences."
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

renny97

Thanks, L. Really working on it.

It just got me to thinking why so many are followers. It is a lot easier. There are usually more of them. Who wants ridicule? Easier for some to bend their "moral compass." Who stops to question something they have heard? Bullies, count on that. They set out to punish those who see them for who they are.

One of the bullies, makes sure I have to do all the work alone. When I get help, I see the other bullies come over and smoosh with the good worker. It is just a game to them. "Let's see if we can gain another member"? So bully1 sets out to tell the good worker a horrible story of how she got in trouble from boss (gain sympathy--smooth manipulation). Boss, saw her slacking. Oh really?  :o I thought to myself, "You were "hard" at work, throwing stuff around over here!"  ::)

I have a time of watching all this play out. Like watching IL's strategies at work! I have to smile at times. How come so few see this? I think it's much easier to see (plus IL experience) when it isn't people you are close to, too. I was aware of that distinction before, but finally putting some concrete pieces together.

luise.volta

Good for you, regarding puzzle assembly! When we take the "mystery" out out of our experience and factor in the dynamics, we're way ahead! Pings to you!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

renny97

 :) LOL!  ;) Love that! I've been putting myself in the observation-mode, stepping back, and setting emotions aside. It has helped me sort out many things at once.

Well, off to work soon! Or should I say, "In-law's" Corp?  :D "Do as we say, not; what we do"? (Something like that, lol).

cocobars

I have learned that my perception may not always be "right" for everyone, but it's right for me!

cocobars

I learned to be grateful for the friends I have met here that mean so much to me, the messages that touch my heart, and the ones I look for.  Maybe it doesn't mean that much for everyone, but that's a "biggie" for me. 

I have learned to stand on my own two feet, AND not whine so much!  Alot can be said for confidence - thank you L, CB and MIW!

I have learned that I can love a perfect stranger and wan to protect her!

2chickiebaby

I skipped on here to say that I truly love you, Coco. Your strength and insight has been remarkable for me.  I don't even know you but I trust you with all my heart.  Sometimes the best people are the ones with sweet hearts.  You don't find that very often. In fact, those kind of  people are in short supply on the earth. Thank you for being one. 

luise.volta

I have learned that not only are my perceptions my own...but they care shift and change. So, I think I am learning not to take myself so seriously. :)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cocobars

But...

You deserve to be taken seriously!  Really you do! :)

Pen

I've learned that I'm not alone.
I've learned that my feelings are valid.
I've learned that it could be worse.
I've learned that a community of caring, wise women can be healing and powerful.
I've learned how to quote and PM :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb