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Undecided feelings need advice!

Started by autumnlady, October 30, 2011, 03:12:22 PM

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autumnlady





















Pooh - I had my own dress fitting never did I attend or want to attend it with DIL or MOB.  I waited until MOB got her dress and asked the same thing what color would you like me to wear.  I was told by DIL "I don't care what you wear".  So I was told by the dress shop owner that the MOB was wearing a red dress and I should wear black, since it was a formal evening wedding at Christmas time.  I again called my DIL to make sure she was okay with this color choice and again was told she did not care.  Of course after the wedding it was mentioned to my YS that I wore black as a sign...and YS was also told that I had purchased 2 dresses but returned the first one when the MOB got upset.  It's amazing to me why they feel they have to make up stuff.  Why on earth would I order 2 dresses.  I am 5'10" tall so I had to order my dress with additional length, I can't purchase a long gown off the rack since I am too tall.  I wish I could I spent over $500 dollars after, length, alterations, shoes and accessories. 

Pooh your family was very mistreated and if my mom and dad were still alive I would have been furious if they were every mistreated.  You were very gracious in all that you did for them.  It's the same in my story the more I did the more they complained, it's amazing how they look at things.

Pooh you have a DIL like I do see what JDTM said to me:  According to Dr. Phil - reality and "perception of a distorted reality" are one and the same to a person with a distorted mind and I suspect your DIL fits this category.  If so, there is nothing you can do - one can not reason with one who cannot reason

Pooh

I told you are stories were very similar.  Oh I fretted about this relationship for years, but no more.  It is what it is.  Once you realize you aren't responsible for their behavior now, it sinks in that you did your best.

Shelby, I wish I had inlaws that I got along with.  It would make it so much nicer because I would invite them for Thanksgiving too!   ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Shelby

How DARE that little brat of a MOH treat your mother that way.  Let me at her.  Perhaps Autumn Lady will give me a vat of her delicious marinara that I might unfortunately spill. 

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

pam1

Pooh, I just...well, have no words.  I know they were young when they married but still....geez.

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Pooh

This is not an excuse on my part, but I was so stressed that day already, it's amazing I did manage to not scream at someone.  This is the first time I was seeing my Ex since the day he walked out, 9 months prior (he never even showed up in court for the divorce) with his young girlfriend.  My bio dad was coming, because he had been in my Son's lives since they were 3 & 4 (different story there) and OS wanted him there, but my DB had not seen nor spoken to him since he was 12.  30ish years? I had to make bio Dad promise to not go anywhere near my brother.  My Mom and bio Dad had not been in close proximity in 30ish years....and I had promised OS I would make sure everyone got along.  Which they did and everyone behaved.

Five minutes before the wedding, these two women that were coordinating the seating arrangements (DIL decided none of the parents or grandparents would be walked in) were coming up to me, obviously nervous and asking, "We need help.  We don't know what to do with everyone on your side?  DIL's Mother said to ask you?  We have the front 2 rows for you."  I couldn't help but laugh...those poor women.  I told them to put me, my DH now, GF and then Ex on the front row, as we were both his parents.  Put the three sets of GP's behind us, my Mom and SD, then my Ex ILs, then my Bio dad and SM and everything would be fine.  They looked so relieved I felt sorry for them.  At the same time, I was aggravated that DIL or her Mother had not already discussed this with me or had OS ask prior to 5 minutes before the wedding.  We were all standing around not knowing where to sit or what they wanted.

We put the "fun" in dysfunctional.   ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Shelby

Pooh - I would have totally lost it if I had been you.  You are a saint.

luise.volta

I remember Val's grandson's wedding. (His family didn't like him remarrying.) The wedding planner came up and asked me who I was. I said..."The grandmother." She looked at her chart...and said, "I have already seated her." (She was the brides' mom.) Then she squinted at her nasty little chart and said, "Oh, here you are...you're the woman with the grandfather...but that's OK...you can sit down in front with him, anyway!"

The wedding after that...(another grandson)...there was a whole big speech during the service about how the bride's granparents had passed on and how they were missed, etc...and no one acknowledged that Val was even there.

I'm still all for beach weddings in Hawaii...pictures...and a receptions, later.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

autumnlady

Shelby - I would be happy to give you some marinara to accidently spill.....LOL   ;D


Thanks Pooh - I have done my best and I am going to move on.  Remember YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!  :)


Luise as usual you are right, Hawaii weddings are the best way to go!

Thanks everyone for your continued support!

autumnlady

Shelby I agreee with Pooh if the Inlaws were great I would definantly invite them for Thanksgiving!  :)

Pooh

Sorry Autumnlady, I know I was long-winded with all of that, just wanted you to know that you were not alone and life goes on.  And it goes along nicely, if you choose to.  My children are and always will be apart of me but they don't define me.  My GM passed away when I was 16.  She was the light of my life.  I will always cherish those memories of her.  Just because I can't see her, talk to her or visit her, doesn't mean I love her any less or remember her any less fondly.  Just means it's not our time to meet up again yet.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

autumnlady

Pooh that is fine...even though we move on it's still hurtful when you think of how you were treated.  I completely understand.  I never met my grandparents since I was born after they died.  My mom and dad were 48 when I was born and I am an only child.  No brothers or sisters and my family even though large is all back east.  No one is here in California except me and my sons.  So holiday time has left a big void with this estrangement but I have invited a couple friends this year and my YS will also be with me, so I am thankful for quality people in my life and NOT quantity.

I wish you and yours the best this holiday season and always.  I am thankful that you were able to get to know your GM, that is something I have missed but I know they would have been awesome!


Pooh

Well sure.  It will always be hurtful, confusing, unfair, unneccessary, etc.  We wouldn't be human or caring people if it wasn't painful.  You will have a great holiday with your friends and YS!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Shelby

Next year Autumn Lady brings her wonderful marinara to Amflautist's Halloween party. 

and Pooh, I am so glad you did not invite me to your son's wedding.  I would NOT have been able to control myself, and you all might have to visit me in prison in Leavenworth - and then I'd miss the next Halloween party and Autumn's marinara - which has got to be the real thing.

Cheers, everyone.  My DIL may not like me, but her family is just fine.  I guess I'm pretty lucky in comparison.

Pooh

I agree.  AL brings authentic marinara to AM's!  Yum.

I wish I would have brought you Shelby, it would have been entertaining!  My only fear about that was it was a fall wedding with autumn decorations, so there was about 100 pumpkins sitting around.  Instant ammo for you!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell