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DS does know!

Started by Pen, February 02, 2010, 10:29:45 am

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Pen

DS heard first hand what DIL felt about us, and saw her and her parents treatment of us in person. I think something must have been said by him, because she has been polite to us for a few weeks now (counseling maybe?) I'm still leery and not able to breathe out yet, but I'm hoping I can relax soon and  trust again. I'm not comfortable visiting, calling or emailing either one of them, since I don't want to be seen as hovering or smothering, God forbid!

I'm still dealing with my envy towards DIL's parents who get to see them every day and have the time and resources to pull out all stops for celebrations, holidays and birthdays. (When DS was growing up, he knew kids from all income levels, and we were right in the middle. However, he decided that spending big bucks = love, and always felt shortchanged no matter what we did or how much we spent, 'cos it was never enough compared to the wealthier kids he knew.) I think he's beginning to see through the IL's "control through money" agenda, but I think those old emotions hit him, as they do for all of us sometimes, based on past experiences. Other than repeating "I love you" until I sound like a freak, I don't know how to prove to him that he is, and always has been, loved truly and well by his family.

And it still hurts that I can't enjoy an easy, comfortable relationship with DS like we used to have. I miss him.

Which leads me to feeling so grateful I still have him in some form, some of the time, and to want to express my deepest sympathy to those who are not able to see their DSs or GKs for one reason or another. My heart breaks for you, and I send good wishes/prayers your way every single day. This site is so amazing for the love and support we find here. Welcome to all newbies, and love to all who venture here.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cocobars

Penstamen, have you thought about writing him a personal letter telling him all these feelings?  You don't have to give it to him right away, but could save it for the right time.  In the meantime, you could go back each day and read it, editing it, until you have your very clear thoughts on paper (you may have already done this).  It's up to you to decide whether to give this to him, or even when to do it.

I've written, in another thread, that this is what I do sometimes.  I'm so bad with words and sometimes what I have said is taken in the wrong ways.  You are such a loving mother, I hope you know that!  He may not have thought about how you "feel."  He is so caught up with his own "family life."  I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but his attention is on DIL and his children.  He just may not be thinking.  What do you think?

cremebrulee

Did you mean Creme or Penstamen?


cocobars

February 02, 2010, 10:49:36 am #3 Last Edit: February 02, 2010, 10:54:44 am by cocobars
I'm sorry, I meant Penstamen.  I corrected that and had hoped nobody caught my mistake.  LOL!

OH!  I'm so frustrated with myself!    :o

Luise?  I need a ping!  My mind's not working...

cremebrulee

Quote from: cocobars on February 02, 2010, 10:49:36 am
I'm sorry, I meant Penstamen.  I corrected that and had hoped nobody caught my mistake.  LOL!

OH!  I'm so frustrated with myself!    :o

Luise?  I need a ping!  My mind's not working...


LOL, not to worry....

cocobars

Penstamen, love is something you can't buy.  It's free...

Last year (2008) we didn't have enough (my twins and I) so we didn't give gifts on Christmas.  We got up and wished eachother a merry Christmas.  It was enought - for all of us.  We made a nice meal, complete with a desert and talked about how lucky we were that we had eachother for Christmas.  Some people don't have that and Christmas is very depressing...  The suicide rate is at an alltime high that time of year with the holidays.  Lonely people hurt and feel so left out and people who don't have money feel like failures.  We didn't.  We had "us," a roof over our heads and food in our bellies!

Love is free!  It can't be bought!  Your son is a grown man and may have already been around the IL's enough to realize that he misses being loved. 

I hope you can "breathe out" soon!  This could be good.  Keep us posted!

luise.volta

Pingity ping, ping, ping! ;)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

cocobars

Penstamen!  We've been pinged! 

Just gotta love those fairy godmothers with their magic wands....

Pen

Hey, a shout out to all my MILU peeps! Thanks for the support. I can feel the love and the pings! What a good idea, Coco, to start a letter that may or may not be sent. I'm on it. You guys are all fantastic!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cremebrulee

boy wouldn't that be something...the son wakes up and starts putting his foot down, and the DIL is older now and realizes the importance of family interaction, so she grows up and starts realizing how immature she was....and they all live happily ever after....


cocobars

Thanks Anna!  We're crossing our fingers for you Pen!  We know there is no such thing as fairytale everyday, but this is good news.  This is hopeful news!