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Daughter refuses to invite me to her wedding in 2 weeks

Started by nanjojan, October 18, 2011, 11:27:54 pm

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colleen01

oh Nan, when I got to the part about them laughing, I really couldn't read anymore.  It made me sick.  I believe it though, because I see the cruely in my own 2 daughters.  It seems like evil behavior or crazy or maybe like silly 4 yr.olds emotionally.  Idk, but this I can say, not knowing you, your daughters are sick in some way, stay away.  Again, do not let them see your humaness,as much as possible.
love,and prayers.

forever spring

I'm lost for words, so so sorry for your ordeal. It'll be over soon and you can start mending nets. I do hope this is your lowest point and you'll never have to go through anything like this ever again. My thoughts are with you and I'm truly sorry.

Rose799

"Sometimes God calms the storm...Sometimes He lets the storm rage & calms His child."    ? John H. Groberg, The Other Side of Heaven

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/160117

I came across that quote last night & feel certain that's what He's doing with you today, Nan.  You belong at dm's side today, and for what it's worth, you've got a bunch of Cyber-sisters there alongside you & dss'. 

My dm had surgery a few months ago & was very confused afterward, asking for my dad who'd been deceased 20 years.   When the dr. was told, he immediately took her off whatever pain meds she was getting.  It wasn't an immediate change, but it certainly helped.  Sending love & prayers to you, & dm~

pam1

Quote from: nanjojan on November 05, 2011, 07:56:54 am
Well the day is here. I received a phone at 6 am from my DM who is confused again today. I am frustrated with the doctors for not knowing what is causing this. Yesterday she was good, maybe today she is protecting herself somehow from not remembering it is her last grand daughters wedding to which she is not attending...not because she was not invited nor doesn't want too but because she was standing by side and disagreed with my daughters decision. I cannot wait for tomorrow to come.


You and your mother are in my thoughts.  I hope they find out soon, so frustrating to not know why.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

tryingmybest

Dear Nan, the day is dawning on Sunday, I hope where ever you live you see the sun and the light of a new day! Sending you a big cyber hug from one of your many "cyber-sisters"! You made it through! :)

Doe

Nan_
I hope you'll consider closing this thread and moving on with life now that the wedding has passed.  Consider starting another one just about helping your mom recover.  We'll all be there to cheer you on!

bdwell1904

Nan- as a personal caregiver for the elderly, I can tell you that what your DM is experiencing is normal.
Rose- absolutely love the quote
Ladies- my little lady broke her hip, so have been running between hosp. and home to care for both my clients. Your all in my thoughts just don't have time to read or post right now. thoughtfully B

colleen01

Nan-thinking about you and your mom and that you did make it through.  I agree that you need to move on from this-at your own pace however.  We all grieve differently(and it is a loss for you).  I disagree with telling or even suggesting that you start a new thread instead of this one.  Maybe in addition, but I for one am going to be rooting you on as you gain strength from this, as will the others here.  I want to see the updates.  We will help keep you moving along, but it might be 1 step forward, 3 steps back for a while.  God bless.  C

amflautist

Quote from: nanjojan on November 05, 2011, 07:56:54 am
Well the day is here. I received a phone at 6 am from my DM who is confused again today. I am frustrated with the doctors for not knowing what is causing this. Yesterday she was good, maybe today she is protecting herself somehow from not remembering it is her last grand daughters wedding to which she is not attending...not because she was not invited nor doesn't want too but because she was standing by side and disagreed with my daughters decision. I cannot wait for tomorrow to come.


Brain fog, memory loss, after surgery are common.  45% of patients get this.  It usually gets better.

Find some very old pictures of your family.  Take them in to the hospital and show them to your DM.  I almost guarantee she will be able to identify everyone in the photos and she will remember the occasion.  When my MIL was 90, suffering from advanced alzheimers, couldn't remember that she had sons, we showed her a old photo album of a son's wedding.  She could identify all the people there, even from the back, even if she only saw the hat a person was wearing.  Those old memories stick around forever.  We had great conversations with MIL over those photo albums.

nanjojan

Hi everyone...I did post an update earlier but since I haven't had time before today to write...I am just reading some posts that I missed prior to my DD wedding. I did react too strongly about the divorce according to my DC. It was mostly about losing my family....the one thing I wanted in life. My children did not understand this nor do they now. My daughter became engaged in October 2010. I had a small dinner ...just my mom and her siblings to celebrate. She said she did not want an engagement party. Then came the first holiday since the divorce...Thanksgiving. My mom made the calls to my DC and all the kids said they would come for dinner. But newly engaged DD decided it was too much and called my mother a bully...who tries to guilt them into things. I got upset, as  my mother has done things for my DC that other grandmothers may not do. My mother is the reason my children got to go on vacations, had huge Christmases and birthdays. She gave them money for college and wedding dresses. She attended all soccergames even the rain and snow and track meets...and never missed any important events. She was the best grandmother a child could want. So when my DD's and DS said these things about my mother I defended her. This began the alienation process. No I did not see my DC for any holidays or birthdays. I sent gifts but no response. I did not find out about the engagement party until after the fact. One of my DS was living with me and lied to me where he was going. The ex lied also. I am not sure if he knew his current wife prior to the divorce but I do wonder. He married her after knowing her for only 10 months. My DC do not know her very well but 3 of them think she is just wonderful.
I do look back and think about some things my DD has said such as: no mother should be able to wear her daughters jeans...no woman over 35 should have long hair...you dress like Brittany Spears....you used to dress like a mom....now you decorate the house differently....it used to be country and now you are modern....I will never be like you...I will make something of myself. Keep in mind...I used to wear long jumpers when they were in style and started dressing more stylish...I do not dress like BS....  I dress stylish I have not had long hair in 19 years...and I could not fit into my DD jeans...I am not a size 4 or 6...I am a 10. So when I think back to what she has said...I think she has issues with my looks. I am not gorgeous but not ugly. My DD dresses conservatively..khakis...flats and shirts. I wear dresses and boots or flip flops because I find them to be more comfortable. I dress appropiately for 50 although I am told I look more like late 30's. I think this angers my DDS because I am 18 years older than my oldest DD and people have asked if we are sisters. I would think my DD would be happy to have a mom who looks nice and not frumpy. Their DSM is frumpy looking I do not understand. I hope this answers some questions that some of you have had. Thank you for everything...I really missed reading the topics...they are so helpful.

JudyJudyJudy

nanjojan,

You sound like you changed some and that bothers your family.  They will get used to it with time and realize you are just being you now and learning a new way to be happy.

As for the standing up to someone who is saying mean things to you, well I don't know why that causes problems but it does.  I took all kinds of stuff off my daughter but when I finally stood up to her, she hasn't spoken to me in four months.  Oh, well, it was time it stopped and the only way I will ever speak to her again is to see my grandson but she is holding him hostage to punish me right now.  Oh well, at least she is not bullying me anymore.  As for your daughter saying bad things about her grandmother, that was totally uncalled for!

I would not worry about your ex's new wife and the children acting like they adore her.  She is probably telling them whatever they want to hear and giving them whatever they want. 
That is so fake.  It will not last and then they will want their mother back.  One day they will open their eyes and realize that no one loves them like you do.