daughter gives silent treatment

[sesamejane]

Great Coleen.  It works for me. 

[ariat]

Colleen, I am a newbie and have been looking for a forum just like this for so long. Finally today I found it!.
Ok, on the silent treatment, this is my 24 yo daughters favorite form of torture for me. It seems my daughter changed
around her senior year. I think she got caught up in drugs and that didn't help matters any.  I think our children KNOW how we adore them and how much we yearn to see/spend time with them and they are withholding themselves from us as a crude form of punishment on the other hand, I am always wondering what i did to her I understand, truly i do.

[colleen01]

welcome Ariat!  Yes, I think they're alot smarter than we used to be!  Nah, I think there's not as much respect now. I do so hate the silent treatment. The older I get, the more I hate it as we don't have much time left. What a waste of wonderful days we can never get back   Hope you find help here.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I am in the same situation and my daughter will not speak to me.  For two months now, she barely responds to my emails.  I have learned that the silent treatment is unintentional because the child is afraid or it is used as a control mechanism to punish us.  Also, she will not allow me to see my grandson.  I am  not saying I was innocent but was sorta.  My daughter kept telling me if I did not leave the man I am with, I would never see my grandson or if I ever said anything nasty to her, she would never speak to me again.  Well, after I had a non-cancerous brain tumor removed, I went to stay with her and her husband.  They were bothvery nasty to me and one day I stood up for myself.  I got pretty nasty .... a week later, I apologized and said I want to make it up with my daughter but she will not respond.  So, I definately understand the hurt because even though my daughter has been unfair to me over the years, the first time I said something wrong, she shut me out and I do not know if I will ever see her or my grandson again.  Pretty sad but I am trying to go on...it just hurts so much sometimes, I cry but I intend to survive this so that if my grandson ever needs a home, he will have one with me. 

[colleen01]

Welcome JJJ,  Sounds very similar to my ODD.  She can treat me badly on a whim, but when I finally can't take it anymore and stand up to her, she pulls out the "not seeing grandkids" weapon. I'm going thru that right now after our recent tiff about Xmas outfits I bought and she flipped! It's been a few weeks and my DSIL is a saint and doesn't agree with her doing this.  He said I can still see them, but he cancelled on Sunday.  I think he's sneaking around at first until she calms down.  The truth is, if the AC is nasty, there's not much we can do but keep our mouths shut if we want to see our GK's.  If your male friend was harmful in anyway I can understand your DD rule. Maybe you can send a letter, and something for your GK.  I sent TG cards to my GK's and a little cash, since they're not coming and also the receipt for her to return Xmas outfits if she so chooses. I figure I can kiss butt alot for access to GK's and curse her out in private.  If my DD is as nasty inside as she is outside,at least to me, she will stand before God someday and give an account. 

[Eggshelz1]

DC, it is amazing the abuse we take isn't it? But I believe you are winning.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Well, I survived another day and actually found some cheerful moments!  It has been almost two weeks since I sent an email to my daughter begging to reconcile but each day it gets harder to not send one.  I know it is best to let her think I do not care any more and will be the fastest way to get her to talk again.  However, it is so nice not having her put me down all the time that it is pulling me in different directions wanting to see my grandson and happy to not hear my daughter say mean things to me at the same time.

I do believe I will see my grandson again in time.  Hopefully, when that happens I will be strong enough to stand up to my daughter in a functional way before she gets her claws too deep!

I do plan to leave the man I am with because we are not right for each other.  However, living with him is much better than living with my daughter....

We all have better days ahead!

[nanjojan]

Coleen, I hope the holidays are wonderful to you. (((((hugs)))))) Nancy

[JudyJudyJudy]

I took the high road and sent my daughter and her husband a Christmas card with some money for them.  I also sent one to my grandson with money.

Since I cannot control how anyone else acts, at least I can do what I believe is right and feel good about it.

Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.