Just Spoke to Son - aargh!!

[Begonia]

Chrisky:  I agree with Luise.  For whatever reason they are not reaching out and if you have ever tried to catch a cat (I have cats so this comes to mind after an incident today) the  minute you reach for them they are gone in a flash, but then later when you pay them no attention at all they will be there by your chair or jumping on your lap. On their terms.  I have had to realize this is how my DD and DS are.  IMHO I think just "saying you are coming over" could damage things even more. Just sit tight and let them make the first move.  Otherwise you will be setting the pattern of chasing them and they will go into hiding. I am learning this the hard way too, so sending patience and love out to you.

[Chrisky]

Thank you for the replies Luise and Begonia.  I'll be patient and see what develops.  Both DH and I are keeping busy with other things in our lives, so we're trying not to focus too much on just this one thing.  Hopefully we'll hear something positive from DS soon.

[Doe]

  Both DH and I are keeping busy with other things in our lives, so we're trying not to focus too much on just this one thing. 

Oh good!  I was reading through this thread and this was going to be my advice.   I have had to take a hard look at my own life in order to understand why I was so upset about how one of my sons treated me.  I don't want to be the mom/gm who is unhappy unless she's getting a certain amount of time from one other person in the world or can't see a gc who lives far away.  So I've been working on the person I want to be for this phase of my life, regardless of how other family members are acting.   Life's been a lot more fun since I started tending more to my own life.

[Chrisky]

Yes Doe.  Since we only have this one son, we've obviously focused on him.  But, you know, I definitely feel better when I keep busy and not think of him too much.  Sometimes, though, too many negative thoughts creep in and I feel miserable.  I'm trying to convince DH of this as well. 

[firelight]

I once worked for a Dr. years ago who told me (after I had a short bawling episode at work in the bathroom over my DD who was 15 at the time) that I should have had more kids....so I wouldn't be so focused on the one I do have.  I believe what he said is true.....but it wasn't in the cards for me to do so....so, I guess we have to be intentional about taking the focus off....but I am with you...some days are just better than others whether we think on the situation too much or not.  I came close to removing my pics off the wall (I have many from the time she was a baby up to her married pic with the GC)....it's almost too painful to look at sometimes.  I didn't remove them......yet.  ;-)

[Chrisky]

I once worked for a Dr. years ago who told me (after I had a short bawling episode at work in the bathroom over my DD who was 15 at the time) that I should have had more kids....so I wouldn't be so focused on the one I do have.  I believe what he said is true.....

You're right , my mother had told me that as well, but it didn't happen.  I'm also an only child, but when I was younger I never thought if I had only one child I would be as heart broken as I am now, because we never treated my parents or DH's parents as we are being treated.   

[firelight]

I hear ya loud and clear.  *hugs*

[Pooh]

Hang in there Chrisky.  I had two sons and one thinks I am great...the other...not so much.  Same raising, same values, etc., so in my case, having more than one child didn't make a difference.

[Doe]

I do agree with the doc in this way:  we tend to focus in on our kids with a spotlight rather than use a floodlight, at least I did.  I lost some of my peripheral vision of Life when I was so involved in being a mom.  It's only now that I'm more able to step back and use the 'floodlight' approach.