I guess I have really goofed now

[cocobars]

Well, now you came back through, and I have a tiara and glass slippers! Hey, where'd you go??

[luise.volta]

When i look back at generation after generation of anguish over getting our teens through the knothole without being pulled in after them, as I just did, I wonder that any of us/them make it. What a long haul!

Grabbed my tiara but I'm such a klutz fairy godmother that I don't dare put on the glass slippers! Opps! Crash!

[cocobars]

Yes, but fairy godmothers can fly, so you don't have to worry about the glass slippers.  That's ok, you can have long flowing hair instead! 

You are so right about the knothole!  It's a hard thing to go through and something we never forget.

[Heartstrings]

Isitme,
From the very beginning, I talked to them both and set some rules. The very first time I saw them breaking the rules, I confronted my son...not her...and told HIM not to let her do it.. The second time I confronted her. When I set the rules my son was 17 and the young lady was 18.

Welcome Heartstrings!

   There's the rub:  set.some.rules.  You, my dear sir, are now the equivalent of the "mother-inlaw" since you set boundaries long ago that didn't set well for her, imo (in my opinion).
   Had this been your wife, your dil would be giving the grief to her!  It is all about control and these women are desperately trying to control everyone in their lives.  If it means showing mom/dad the door to get her way - that's what is going to be done.
  I believe her husband just doesn't want to put up with it.  He caves to her demands for the mere moments of peace. 
  I think if there were any problems with being abused she would also have them with her husband.  She is rebelling against you dear FIL.  For you set her straight on what was allowed and what was not.  There is a theme running here.  These types do not want to be told by anyone what is allowed.  For that means to relinquish control to some degree and they will never do that. 
  Just how I sees it.   

You know, as I have lain awake many long nights, I have pondered over this whole thing many times and  even wondered IF her father really did abuse her at all because of the way she behaves. I also thought it strange that her father, after getting kicked out, to my knowledge, never tried to contact the family anymore. I've heard and read of daughters falsely accusing their dads and ruining their lives just to get their way. I'm not saying she did this but, I have often wondered.

[2chickiebaby]

Heartstrings, I guess it's telling that the father never contacted the family again.  Maybe he did do that...that's why he's dodging the family?

[cocobars]

Oh Heartstrings, that's such a scary thought!  That would certainly keep me up nights...  I don't know what to say.

How long have you thought this? If there is any truth in it, then you have to be very careful around her.  Do not be left alone with her.  Make sure your wife is with you every time you go see them (or vice versa).  If someone is capable of doing that to their own father, then you will be easy pickings as the FIL! 

[Heartstrings]

Yes,
Thanks for the warning! Will do

[2chickiebaby]

I must be doing something good....I now have more minuses than plusses. Anyone who wants to take pity on me, please do.   

[Heartstrings]

What is the minus/plus thing anyway?

[cocobars]

I tried to do more than just even up the score, but it won't let me give you more karma for another hour!

Heartstrings, you have a +/- under your name (as everyone else does).  If you hit the thumbs up, they get a point added to their karma.  Thumbs down and they get minus karma points.

[luise.volta]

C/B - Look at the number of posts you have put out there! That's a low number of minuses for the amount of work you do on this site. Everyone doesn't have to agree, as you know, and it's a good place to say you disagree without getting into it. My ratio of minuses to posts is much higher than yours!. Oh, well...right?

I am still abiding by the rule our Worthy Webmaster set down for me, that I not offer checks or minuses since it's my website...but I think them!!       

[2chickiebaby]

I've never given anyone a minus or a plus either!  I should, I guess.  I forget. 

pssst!! Danger! Poison!!

[cocobars]

Chickie, I've never given a minus either.  I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and won't take away just because I might disagree.  Not everyone does that.  The little hands say thumbs up and thumbs down.  When I was new, I thought that meant I agree or disagree.  That could be what others have been doing.  I could be wrong though...

OH NO!  NO!  Don't hit that button!  Take your mouse away fromm there right now!   

Ping, Ping, Psssht!  Oops...

You'll get more, I'm sure!  You're too sweet not to!

[Heartstrings]

The latest development......

I was taking my Wife out for  our anniversary Sat nite and she wanted to go to a different city (50 miles out of the way) so we could stop by and see my son's family. I really ahd mixed fealingsabout it but agreed. How could I say no? Anyway,. she called my son to let him know and he said we could come by. When we go there, he was hunting but the car was there. A dim lighjt was on near the back of the house but it was essentially dark. Nobody came to the door.

So we left, had our date and called our son on the cell. He said he was coming to the samee city and that they would meet us somewhere. My wife called them again later, to see where they were and he said they just arrived and that we could meet them at a certain restaurant so we set out in that direction. We had traveled about 3 miles when he called back and said that the DIL had reminded him that it "wouldn't be fair" to their friends who were supposed to meet them there as well. They did not want us to come. So my Wife asked could we see them after their meal? He said yes.

She called back when we were finished at our restaurant and he said they were noit done but that hsi friend had asked them over to his house to "play a game". To make a long story short, we were promised that we could see them, but it ended up we drove 50 miles out of thye way for nothing. And here's what baffles me the most........Something drove me to ask who the couple was: My son said "they used to come to our church" I again asked who and he said "the pastor's son; we are trying to get THEM to come back to church". What HE doesn't know is that I know why his pastor's son left: His pastors son has left their church because of a falling out with his Dad......

So let me get this straight....
#1 you leave your church to get away from your Dad because your wife
refuses your parents access to your grandchildren.
#2. You are are trying to counsel/persuade/influence another young couple to reconcile themselves to their Dad  and return to HIS church.
#3. While you yourself fail to set an example by doing Mom and Dad dirty once more, breaking your promise, shunning them, when you could have "shown them how it's done" so to speak.
seem hypocritical to me? Wonder if the other young couple knew what went down?

I am totally flabberghasted !!!

[cest moi]

Wow that was just rude and inconsiderate of them to do. I'm sorry you had to go through that on your special day.

Hopefully he'll see the irony in his situation and do something good about it. 
I think you and your wife deserve a special night where you don't have to worry about them breaking plans. Good luck in your situation.