3 way rift, long back story

[Ruth]

Pooh, that was just amazing logic and wisdom!  Pure gold.  I stand corrected in regards to sending an apology, I was just mainly thinking of paving the way to keep retaliation at bay.  This is beginning to seem very sick and disgusting to me - dil's sticking it to mil's by withholding grandchildren.  it is wrong and its sad that many mil's have to feel they are being held hostage in this way.  But I interpreted her message as it was not really the dil or ds, but it was dd and gmil (I'm not sure what this was, sorry) and all the various other sundry personages strewn about the labor room.  I am also southern, and in the south everyone turns out of the wood work for a birth or a funeral.  DH also fumes about every couch potato in the city being on the road clogging up traffic on a holiday!

Sorry Bdwell!   I don't think I was any help at all!

[Pooh]

You were not wrong Ruth.  It was DD that instigated the almost scene.  I just feel that since bdwll didn't do anything, if DS/DIL wanted to not have to deal with it, they should have asked DD to leave, or everyone for that matter.  To single out the person that wasn't doing anything was hurtful and wrong.  Yes, it was their right to do what they wanted during this time, and have who they wanted in there, but this was not a case of bdwell pushing and shoving her way into this room, disregarding their wishes.  She was following the wishes as she knew them.  I would be willing to bet, had DS/DIL communicated to bdwell prior what they would have liked her to do or not do, she would have respected it.

And Ruth, you are always a help.  You, Nana and others here that try to make everyone see the benefits of apologizing and a more gentler way, balances out those of us here (holds hand up) that are more aggressive.   

[Pooh]

I also want to add, my response is just to bdwell's situation, and mine, and LL's, Pen, and the other MILs on here that have been put in situtions like this.  I also know our lovely DILs on here didn't get issued their manuals either that said all abuse is to be heaped on the DIL.

[lancaster lady]

I'm so tired of playing the what-do-I-do-to-cause-the-least-amount-of-problems game.  I must have missed the part in the parenting manual that said as a Mother and MIL everything you do will be scrutinized and critiqued no matter which way you go.  I missed the section on how I was supposed to be a mind-reader for the rest of my life.  If you do what everyone else is doing, you're wrong.  If you think what everyone is doing is wrong, so you go another way which seems to be less intrusive, you're wrong.

You deserve an encore for this Pooh !!!
My life in a nutshell !

[pam1]

I'm so tired of playing the what-do-I-do-to-cause-the-least-amount-of-problems game.  I must have missed the part in the parenting manual that said as a Mother and MIL everything you do will be scrutinized and critiqued no matter which way you go.  I missed the section on how I was supposed to be a mind-reader for the rest of my life.  If you do what everyone else is doing, you're wrong.  If you think what everyone is doing is wrong, so you go another way which seems to be less intrusive, you're wrong.

You deserve an encore for this Pooh !!!
My life in a nutshell !

I love this too, Pooh! 

I think some DILs can relate to this as well, I know I can!

Also, I don't know about anyone else but I feel much more comfortable with people who let it all hang out, crazy and all LOL.  I'd much rather know up front how someone is and where I stand with them than play the walk on eggshells game.

DH has an uncle who is a bit kookoo, he will call someone outright a loser lol.  His whole family talks so much about him and how much they can't stand him....and all I can think is that I'd much rather be around crazy uncle than any of them.  At least what you see is what you get!

[lancaster lady]

I would love to be this way Pam ...thing is if I change now , they will probably lock me up !!   

[Doe]

hear, hear, Pooh.

[bdwell1904]

Ruth and Pooh ty ya'll always touch my heart in such an unique way. I know if we lived in the same town we would be such good hang out buddies. We moved to MS in '08 to be of help to DH's DM&SD I have yet to bond with or find close friends, except for MIL. I feel as though I have here. You are very dear ladies

[lancaster lady]

Re my GD's birth ...my DIL said she wanted to bond with the baby and didn't want everyone dropping
by to visit .
I replied I hope I didn't have to wait for an invitation to visit my GD , I went anyway after she came home from hospital.
I only stayed for an hour , however this was the plan for the next twelve months , and I had to wait for an invitation before
I could visit .
The rest you know ...

[bdwell1904]

I love this too, Pooh! 
Also, I don't know about anyone else but I feel much more comfortable with people who let it all hang out, crazy and all LOL.  I'd much rather know up front how someone is and where I stand with them than play the walk on eggshells game.

DH has an uncle who is a bit kookoo, he will call someone outright a loser lol.  His whole family talks so much about him and how much they can't stand him....and all I can think is that I'd much rather be around crazy uncle than any of them.  At least what you see is what you get!

I agree Pam I think ppl who can hang out and just be themselves are the best kind of ppl. I guess that is why DH and I get on so well. We can act silly or stupid or get mad and know it is ok.

I would love to be this way Pam ...thing is if I change now , they will probably lock me up !!   

Lancaster lady -I told DH I have my nature is to be sweet and kind and loving done that for the first 45, I think the next 45 I will try being hell on wheels. He just laughed stating you couldn't be that way if your life depended on it....WE'LL SEE haha

[lancaster lady]

I have a very dear friend who will be 93 next month ...she says what she wants when she wants to whoever and gets away with it !   lol

[Pooh]

I totally agree Pam and ladies.  I would rather deal all day long with the those kinds of people.  Life's too short.  I deal just fine with difficult personalities even, as long as they don't cut and run.  Psssshhh.....stay and fight...and then we'll have ice cream once we agree to disagree.  I'll even buy.

[bdwell1904]

Lancaster lady my business is elder caregiving and seems once they hit 80-85 they all get that attitude

[pam1]

LOL bdwell, that's about the same age as Uncle here.  He's always been a bit outspoken but whew....the past 5 years?  DH just asked me would I be ok with him calling me a loser...I think I would be honored LOL

[Nana]

Oh Pooh...you are great....you made me laugh with the Manual stuff.... I also think that it must be great being you real buddy...imagine, all of us together commenting , laughing and comforting each other.  Wow...I dream. 

Yes Pam 1...you are right...it is better to be with a crazy uncle or relative because you can be just yourself...without having to walk on egg shells....and yes what you see is what you get, nothing more, nothing less lol.
And Pam 1...of course many dil's can relate to this too.....
It happens either way.....
Sometimes we do not know if we are coming or we are going lol.

I feel that sometimes I want to be different and not care about anyone or anything.  I get tired of being emotionally tired and to worry about things I cannot solve.  I also know people who dont care much about what people do or think...and they seem so happy.



Lancaster Lady...we cannot wholly change....we are who we are....our essence is there under our skin lol.