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was this wrong?

Started by isitme?, January 28, 2010, 09:49:31 AM

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cremebrulee

QuoteIsitme:  thanks creme... those are all great ideas and I am definitely going to do somethign nice.  The thing is, in our family we dont' have to prove to each other that we love each other because we all know it.  Thanks to everyone for making me feel better about this.  I think my FDH is going to love being in my family once he gets to know them.  After the guilt trip comment he started asking me a lot of questions about my uncle and if I thought they would get along.  I think they will!

I don't understand?  I love my family and my family loves me, and we don't have to prove that to each other either, or at least I don't...however, I do enjoy giving gifts, and writing friends and family, those who are not living close?  From your perspective,  how is that proving love? 


isitme?

Quote from: cremebrulee on January 28, 2010, 11:09:21 AM
QuoteIsitme:  thanks creme... those are all great ideas and I am definitely going to do somethign nice.  The thing is, in our family we dont' have to prove to each other that we love each other because we all know it.  Thanks to everyone for making me feel better about this.  I think my FDH is going to love being in my family once he gets to know them.  After the guilt trip comment he started asking me a lot of questions about my uncle and if I thought they would get along.  I think they will!

I don't understand?  I love my family and my family loves me, and we don't have to prove that to each other either, or at least I don't...however, I do enjoy giving gifts, and writing friends and family, those who are not living close?  From your perspective,  how is that proving love?

Sorry Creme - I wasn't trying to say those things are about "proving love". I love giving gifts too!   I think I was just trying to make the point that I KNOW my family loves me and I love them so we don't have to prove things.. my cousin isn't going to think I dont' love her just because I can't make it to their wedding.  So I'm sorry if you misunderstood my comment.

FDH said his mother can only show her love with food - which I can kind of understand.  He comes home from every trip laden down with tupperwares of food and now has SIX jars of meatballs in his freezer!

cremebrulee


2chickiebaby

I guess I could laugh it off, Isitme....I can't understand why they both, in different ways are so controlling and CDIL can be soooo sweet on the surface but it's like underneath there is a volcano.

I think I am more hurt and madder at her than the other one because at least the other one (DDIL) is OUT there with it.  She's just hateful.

CDIL has used me up!!  Boy does that one have boundaries.  It's like I'll do anything for an "okay" from her. 

I guess I could just laugh the next time she pulls something.  I keep going back for more. 

2chickiebaby

Why can't you say:  "gee, we're going to miss you, honey and wish you could be with us?"  Why can't we say things like that anymore? 

What is going on?  Should we just say, "okay, bye"? after the person says they can't come? 

isitme?

it sounds like they're just oversensitive.  People can be like that.  I certainly know my FMIL is oversensitive and will find ANY reason to be insulted by what I said, the tone I said it in, where I said it, when I said it etc. etc. etc. 

I know that feeling of doing anything to please a person - but when I realize that there is just no pleasing a certain someone, I dont' find myself trying as hard.  Try the laughing thing and let me know how it goes.  The next time your CDIL or DDIL pull something, just laugh to yourself and say "wow, there is just no pleasing some people in this world tee hee" or "omg she's really sensitive!"

I'm going to try it the next time my FMIL starts going off on me or when I feel upset about her comments, I"m not going to say it to her or anyone else, I"m just going to say to myself "some people are just determined to be unhappy no matter what" and try to laugh it off.  I'll see how it goes - let me know if it works for you!