I Need A Hobby

[cocobars]

I love you too, my friend Chickie.  I know you didn't know when you asked and had no way of telling.

I'm just happy to be here in this safe place where there are so many wonderful and understanding people.  I really love you all so much!  You give me a reason to smile!

It's all I need...

[Barbie]

Coco, i don't know what to say except that the more I read your posts the more you impress me. You are truly a wonderful person and deserve the best that life has to offer.

[renny97]

Sometimes, I go back and read posts I've missed. Once again, Creme, you are analyzing like I have been doing and you are real close to unlocking the DIL fury. Fear, can drive people to do unforgiveable things. Makes perfect sense.

I am thinking more clearly a few days out from talk with son. At first, I did second-guess myself and did not talk just to upset him. But, I had to tell him. I had had enough. And, now that I have done that, I am thinking of things that happened and I denied for so long. But, it doesn't have that trauma feeling with it. If I cannot stick up for myself, who will? But, if I am not able to tell how I feel without FEAR of retaliation, then what kind of situation/relationship is it anyway?

I am not angry. I feel good now. Their anger doesn't make me afraid. I love the GC. But Grandma had to go. XOXO

[peggyrice@triad.rr.com]

As much as we love our children, we have to speak up for ourselves at some point.  To be afraid to be honest and open in any relationship is not really a relationship.  Maturity should allow us to express what we think and feel and be accepted as an individual even if we are wrong or the other party can not agree.  I am so very glad I have such a great relationship with my husband (my second).  I think this rift with the DIL and my first born son would crush me if I did not have the relationship that exist between the two of us.  I can compare.....We can not just "shovel" everything we think and believe to hang on to a relationship, I think.  Sometimes a person can expect too much or place a price too high within the relationship when it comes to requests.  I am beginning to think that I will have to give up myself and conform to the rules of the "controller" to get along.  Is that a relationship?  In my relationship with my first husband, I learned that giving in an tolerating the controller gives her/him more power and the emotional and sometime physical abuse heightens.  It is better to be honest and open - even at the risk of losing a a relationship that is tied to your heart.  As you can see, I am still wrestling with the whys and hows.  I send cards and leave unreturned messages about every 1 or 2 weeks.  Should I stop doing this?  The silence and lack of response now present translates to "I don't care" in my mind.  Maybe I am wrong - I hope so....

[cocobars]

Coco, i don't know what to say except that the more I read your posts the more you impress me. You are truly a wonderful person and deserve the best that life has to offer.

That's a sweet thing to say, Guest1.  Thanks.  I think we are lucky to have eachother here.

I had to remove a couple of posts trying to talk about this so if you're reading through and they are not making sense, that's the reason why. 

[cocobars]

As much as we love our children, we have to speak up for ourselves at some point.  To be afraid to be honest and open in any relationship is not really a relationship.  Maturity should allow us to express what we think and feel and be accepted as an individual even if we are wrong or the other party can not agree.  I am so very glad I have such a great relationship with my husband (my second).  I think this rift with the DIL and my first born son would crush me if I did not have the relationship that exist between the two of us.  I can compare.....We can not just "shovel" everything we think and believe to hang on to a relationship, I think.  Sometimes a person can expect too much or place a price too high within the relationship when it comes to requests.  I am beginning to think that I will have to give up myself and conform to the rules of the "controller" to get along.  Is that a relationship?  In my relationship with my first husband, I learned that giving in an tolerating the controller gives her/him more power and the emotional and sometime physical abuse heightens.  It is better to be honest and open - even at the risk of losing a a relationship that is tied to your heart.  As you can see, I am still wrestling with the whys and hows.  I send cards and leave unreturned messages about every 1 or 2 weeks.  Should I stop doing this?  The silence and lack of response now present translates to "I don't care" in my mind.  Maybe I am wrong - I hope so....

Hi Carolina!
Wrestling with all these questions is something we all have to do.  It's the only way to know you are making the best decisions for yourself.  I can't imagine what DS and DIL would be thinking when they don't return your calls and messages.  I would most likely wonder about the "don't care" issue, and convince myself (until I can get ahold of them and feel them out) that they are just really busy, and may intend to return the call and forget in all the rush.

I agree with you.  A controlling relationship can get out of hand.  You have to weigh the pro's and con's of each decision to see if the consequences are something you can live with, before giving up.  I know I'm not much help here. I think they are not treating you fairly and don't understand why people do those things (or don't do them).   I really do believe that time will put them in a position someday to understand what they did to you.  It may be down the road into the future, but they will, and I hope they come back and hug you!

[cocobars]

I think you're doing a wonderful job, Anna!  Your "best" is always good enough and I hope you are proud of yourself! 

Feel that?  It's me, patting your back!

[peggyrice@triad.rr.com]

Thank you Coco.  Please keep hoping they come back - I am still praying on that.  Otherwise I will have to adjust to this hole in my heart and move on - focusing on anything other than they.  The other day I realized that my step children and step daughter in laws treat me much better than woman married to my first son - true but so sad! I am not sure weighing these things out is all that smart.  Sometimes I think it will be decided by how much pain and rejection I can take.  I did not have a easy relationship with my prior MIL, however always treated her with the utmost respect - it was not a question.  I can not comprehend hurting someone this way and I know my son was raised not to behave this way.  I fear the DIL will change his way of thinking....that he will lose all the wonderful qualities that he posessed prior to joining with her.  He would have responded to the calls and letters before...I was so proud of him until this Christmas and would not have imagined that he ever would have acted this way ever.
Coco Stay sweet.  Your life battles have only made you a deeper and more caring person.......

[luise.volta]

This is embarrassing but it is also funny, so I'm sharing it with you. I was checking to see what threads I needed to catch up on and what I read was "I Need A Hubby!" 

[renny97]

This is embarrassing but it is also funny, so I'm sharing it with you. I was checking to see what threads I needed to catch up on and what I read was "I Need A Hubby!" 

Oh that is hilarious! My giggle of the day! "That" would sure be a "hobby" alrighty! 

Perfect for the "Inspiration" Folder....

[cocobars]

This is embarrassing but it is also funny, so I'm sharing it with you. I was checking to see what threads I needed to catch up on and what I read was "I Need A Hubby!" 

That's something I don't need!  LOL!

[peggyrice@triad.rr.com]

Coco  Thanks for the laugh.   BIG difference hobby vs hubby.....

[luise.volta]

That was Luise having a senior moment! 

[luise.volta]

I wonder...since I am my hubby's full time care giver, perhaps it is my hobby!!! More  ;Ds

[2chickiebaby]

Basketweaving, Luise?