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Pet Peeves

Started by 2chickiebaby, January 20, 2010, 02:33:31 pm

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Pen

Invisible, I've also heard similar things said to dear friends who've lost children. One woman said, probably thinking she was being helpful, "He's where he belongs. He's in a better place." My friend screamed at her, "He belongs here with me!" and walked away. She'd heard just about enough.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

RedRose

January 21, 2010, 01:53:53 pm #16 Last Edit: January 21, 2010, 05:10:15 pm by RedRose
The best gift you can give a person who has lost a loved one, is a heart felt letter about that Child (Husband, Wife, Mother, Father, Friend, Co-Worker). Your most lovely moments with them. How you felt about that person and how you will miss that person.

I still have a letter given to me from a co-worker. Two pages of things he will always remember about his friend, my first husband.  My daughter knows about it...I'm ready to share it...when she is ready!

Invisible

Cremebrulee,
I am sorry you were subjected to inconsiderated remarks while grieving the loss of your mom. Most people don't know what to say so they put their foot in their mouth. We grieve the loss of someone we love. No, it does not matter if they are 92 or an unborn child. The love we share never dies. We go on loving and grieving our loss for the rest of our lives.

Penstamen,
Yes, I have had that particular statement said to me. It makes me angry too. I have a minister in my extended family. Recently, he lost his daughter due to the N1H1 virus. She died very quickly...within 2 weeks. He puts on a front for everyone as if he doesn't mind his daughter is gone. He claims not to be grieving because he knows his daughter is with God. Personally, as a mother, I would bet he cries himself to sleep. But I will never know.

Anna,
I am sure a mother would grieve the loss of each and everyone of her children. For someone to say, "At least you have another" is a thoughtless attempt at consoling. What a stupid thing to say.

Redrose,
Yes....Yes...I agree. A letter is the most beautiful gesture. What a wonderful response to a grieving friend. I would have worn the paper out reading and reading the letter.

cremebrulee

Quote from: RedRose on January 21, 2010, 01:53:53 pm
The best gift you can give a person who has lost a loved one, is a heart felt letter about that Child (Husband, Wife, Mother, Father, Friend, Co-Worker). Your most lovely moments with them. How you felt about that person and how you will miss that person.

I still have a letter given to me from a co-worker. Two pages of things he will always remember about his friend, my first husband.  My daughter knows about it...I'm ready to share it...when she is ready!


Ohhhh yes, it would be a memorable jesture for someone who is grieving a loss...what a thoughtful thing for your co-worker to do...

and it is people who do things like that, that make up for the bad ones...yanno...it's just a God sent to know those caring souls...

2chickiebaby

Cry with that person....let that person KNOW that you know the pain of their loss.  I guess some people don't know that kind of pain but I can tell you, comforting people at the time of your loss and the way they treat you, what they say and don't say, is seared in your memory forever.  It is so strange the way that is.  It's like time stands still in those moments.

I remember every single detail that was said to me, the faces, the looks, the feeling they gave me,  everything.  I will as long as I live.