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The Dear Abby column today (8/26)

Started by Sassy, August 26, 2011, 10:54:47 am

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Pooh

I love that, "fusion of horizons".

Isn't it kind of ironic if you think about it, that the lessons we taught our children growing up, we don't do these things ourselves now that they are adults?  I taught mine to stand up for their beliefs, to not let anyone use them as a doormat, etc.   Then we totally do the opposite when they treat us badly. 

What's the saying?  "Practice what you preach?"
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

sesamejane

When I was raising my kids, a woman that I respected with 8 kids told me once - "choose your battles.  remember you are out to win the war."  Of course meaning not to nit pick with the kids and stand ground for the important stuff.  As they grew into adulthood, I suppose I had a difficult time knowing what battle was important enough to stand my ground.

they are adults now, and my role as "parent" has changed.  I was thinking that "parenting is over now because they are adults.  But my girls still call asking for advice when things get tough.  So maybe the lesson is now "practice what you have preached with them," paraphraising Pooh in an attempt to get it straight in my mind...

Pooh

I remember my Mother always telling me, "Don't ever start a fight.  Always try to walk away, but if they swing first, finish it." 

I guess it has taken me years to realize the entire meaning of that. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

sesamejane

I wish I knew how to fight.  This is a weakness I have, and it does not serve me well.  This is an area I need a lot of work in.  I tend to be silent, and then when I finally do speak up, there is so much water under the bridge, it seems quite ineffectual.  Must learn to be more attentive, listen to instincts, and speak up if they "swing first."  You also imply "finishing it," which seems to mean that if I am going to speak up, let it be with both guns. ???

Pooh

I don't think of it as both guns....I think of "finish it" as be specific, set your boundaries, stick with it and not to let someone bully me into someone I am not. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

sesamejane

Oh, I like that.  So  monitoring the perimeter...

Pooh

Yes.  I also know if I don't deal with something when it happens, I will stew...get more upset...get more stubborn, etc.  I'm not saying argue or fuss, just deal with in how you are comfortable with (humor, walking off, etc.) and move on.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

lancaster lady

Oh Pooh :

I tend to be a stewer ......how I wish I was a dealer and a mover onner .....!

Pen

How about the term "self-advocating?" I was told I needed to do more of that.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

sesamejane

Yes, self-advocating...letting go of the parenting thing during which you sacrifice for your children.  Now it is time for self-advocating.  I like that.

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell