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My daughter hates me....

Started by Tula, January 18, 2010, 05:44:34 PM

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BellaTerra66

We have to speak and we have to be heard.  I can hardly believe such a warm, supportive, loving place exists on the Internet.

And altho' I know I sound 'flippant' sometimes (and a know-it-all a lot of other times), I am not heartless.  I have been where everyone else has been, to a greater or lesser extent over my life, and it really hurts to read most of these posts.  We can't have been such bad mothers.  Everyone here sounds sane and loving.  And our children treat us SO bad.

I was reading your post, Tula, and this came to me from AA (and I think I'm going to botch it -- no, I'm not -- I just looked it up):  the definition of insanity has been posited by alcoholics anonymous as "repeating the same action over and over again, hoping to achieve different results."  I think it ought to include "continuing an action based on a belief which contradicts objective reality."  As Luise said recently, no matter what we do, it's not going to be right.  So we have to ask ourselves why we keep doing the same thing over and over.

I think that what we really and primarily want is to find a resolution to our problems which will not be painful for us.  I don't think that's possible.  If we let our children continue to slap our faces, we have heartache.  And if we walk away, we have heartache.  But I can tell you that the pain of walking away lessens over time.  Never completely goes away, but it lessens.