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Do you realize?

Started by cremebrulee, January 18, 2010, 06:59:40 am

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cremebrulee

January 18, 2010, 06:59:40 am Last Edit: January 18, 2010, 07:46:03 am by cremebrulee
Do you realize...
If our son's would admit that they're wives are really treating us the way they do, that would be a huge admittion to themselves that maybe they made a mistake in they're choice...meaning, that the hardest thing for a human being to do, is admit mistake...

So, by telling them that they're wives are treating us the way they do, not only seems like we are beratting them, but also, saying to them, they made a mistake, and in defending ourselves, they are thinking we're suggesting, that they are wrong...and they're only defending they're wives, they don't know what to think or believe...they are in denial, the are unable to admit to themselves, that they're wives are young, insecure and never having a close family of they're own, don't understand, why we, and our son's would be so close, hence, they say, they're husband's are mama's boys, or love they're mothers more then them.....which is huge...they don't understand, that we're defending ourselves and our actions to them, fighting for our place in they're lives...not beratting they're wives, but more so, trying to make them understand, there is something very wrong here, and  they both need to go to counseling...along with us if need be.

And it could be so easy, so simple...in most cases...to remedy

Do you also know that we are making they're wives accusations against us come into fruation, in that, she is telling him, we don't like her, we're jealous of her, and we're trying to break them up or come between them, when we're not, but that is how she sees it, right or wrong or itentioanlly trying to distance him from us...  So, when something happens, and we act out in hurt, it makes it seem to our son's that we're actually doing what his wife accusses us of doing and being. 

Our son's think, "I don't get this, mom was never like this before?"  He is confused, and so totally in love with his wife, she can do no wrong, as love is blind, but can you imagine what our son's are going thru, and seeing?

It actually puts him in the positon where he does have to choose.   

In my singleness, I have said so so many times to people, I won't ever marray again, as, I never want to live someone else's idea of what my life should be...so in understanding that...is it any wonder our son's are defensive...we're trying in they're minds, to tell them they are wrong, instead, of letting them go, allowing they're lives to play out...mistakes and all...they must, it's life and nature.

2chickiebaby

Dear Creme,
I've told this story several times but I could break down and sob when I think of it now.  A boy (man now) who practically grew up in this house, married and turned after awhile on his Mother. 

His Mother raised him by herself without the support of his father.  She's not perfect either, none of us are.  The father came back into his life and now is the premier Big Dog in his life.  The son's wife does not like his Mother and made, MADE him choose between her and his Mother.

Last spring, I heard through sources that his Mother was having a hard time so the boy (man's) sister called him to help.  He had to tell her "no".  His wife will not allow it.  No one matters but the "no good" father who has all the money. 

Whatever the wife says to do, they do.  That's just it.  Facts are hard to face and it is beyond devastating but true. 

cremebrulee

Chickie, yes, it's very sad.....oh the webs we weave...but even sadder yet,
EVERYTHING, his wife has done to him, to his mother, will be done to her...
and his penence, is, being married to her...and not leaving her....sometimes, we humans, just cannot see the forest thru the trees...it is no consulation...if I'm wrong, my DIL and son will be fine, and if not...well, it's a no win situation, there are no winners here...only heartbreak and pain...unless one does right by those they've hurt...so, in all honesty, I do hope I am wrong, b/c I wish no harm comes to my son or DIL...no one deserves this kind of pain, sorrow...what a way to go out...what a way to die...to have lost something that is more important then money, fame or material thing....