Hi, I grew up in a country where elders are to be respected etc. I moved here when I was 19, met my husband when I was around 21 and we married 5 years later. It's been 9 years since we were married so 14 years together. Right off the bat, my MIL has been very mean and vindictive. She has misunderstood almost everything I say (and type), rehashes and remoulds to suit her own idea. For example - my mom is very funny, we joke around and say silly things. So my mom told my MIL that DH was the only guy who could tame my daughter. My MIL has taken that to mean that I am crazy and nuts and should be on medication. In any case, DH and I got married in my country, we had provisions for MIL and extended family who did not want to fly out (we offered to PAY for their flights and stay), to watch the wedding on-line on the computer. My MIL complained like crazy that she would have to be up at 7 am to watch the wedding (time difference) to this day I am not sure if she even saw any of the wedding. She never welcomed me into the family - only FIL said I am happy I have another daughter. All though the 14 years, I have sent MIL and SIL flowers on b'days, MIL is irish so irish stuff on St. Pat's. Cooked food when I visit, help take care of FIL (type 2 diabetic amputee). Do and fold the laundry, everything. More than I do in my own home.
So, before we got married, there was an incident with my SIL which I have recently (14 years later) have learnt was instigated by my MIL. My SIL ended up screaming a lot of racial things to me - which if you have been through, let me tell you is very very hard to forgive and forget. Then, While I was preg with child 1 my MIL said she hoped it was a boy because girls are no good - guess what? I had a Girl, my beautiful baby. Then when I was preg with child 2 she starts off again with it would be nice for you to have a boy, we really need a boy etc etc - it was another girl OX her a lot too. My MIL did not talk to me to wish me on having a good delivery or anything. Now, when I told DH about the whole boy thing he said I was imagining it. OK I let it slide. My MIL makes these tiny comments when I am around, and faint praise - that's like OK on the surface but if you really stop and think about it, it's very hurtful. So this goes on and on when I am there. I have an anxiety attack before we go to visit - again DH says it's all in my head.
This past weekend was my FIL's b'day and my SIL was going to come down etcetc. My SIL is notorious for saying she is going to do something then does not do it. So, I asked MIL if SIL is going to come because it was 7pm and the kids go to bed at 730pm. So MIL said do what ever you want, you always do. I said oh! what do you mean? She said I've noticed that when {SIL} is around you roll your eyes and have a scowl on your face. I said I really don;t understand what you are trying to say to me. She said you don't want to have anything to do with (SIL) and whenever she comes here you say you are sick, or tired and you never want to talk to her. Well, this time she actually came out and said it, so I asked DH to talk to his mom. MIL tells DH that I am crazy and there is something wrong with me and I fight with everyone (which is weird because she and SIL are the ones doing that). She brings up some incident with my child's teacher and said that I fought with her (totally not true) and all kinds of other stuff she has manufactured in her head. Now, I can't handle people talking this about me, so I say what are you saying? who says I'm crazy? I want to know, I don't understand. So she starts yelling at me and I am yelling at her (sorry you know that would happen). MY DH tells me to go upstairs and pack the bags the kids are getting upset. MIL says that I WANTED this to happen from day 1 and I have been planning this all along.
So I stood there and said no I did not, YOU are the one who never wanted me to marry you husband and never wanted me as part of your family. Then she LUNGED at me with her bare hands going for my throat saying "I'm gonna kill you, I could kill you right now". DH had to step between us so she did no harm. So I said (stupidly) oh yeah? and she rushed at me again and said you bad words and tried to hit me. Again DH pushed me upstairs and told me to go. SIL arrived and was all confused and told me I was wrong and that I should have walked away. MIL told DH that he was a bad son because he did not care about them anymore. Now all this happened in front of the kids, all the aftermath crying and fighting between DH and me witnessed by the kids. We have spoken to them now that this is not how adults handle things and I am being very attentive to any problems.
Now my MIL is turning all the women in that family against me. Don't laugh but they are "un-friending" me on FB one at a time - this is the only contact I have with them and I don't want a FB drama. I feel very lonely as my family is far far away and I have no friends> I feel depressed but I can not tell anyone - my parents would worry needlessly and my DH is under stress (job security lay offs etc). I feel like I am being bullied and punished. I am crying as I type this (My MIL would say that I am manipulating you). I just don't know what to do. Please help me!