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Talking to my husband tonight

Started by 2chickiebaby, January 15, 2010, 07:54:59 pm

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RedRose

I don't like confrontation, I become defensive and so does the other person. People say things they really do not mean. Everything gets blown out of proportion. The problem never gets solved and feelings get hurt.

Where my dil is concerned, she is always right, no matter what the subject.
Discussing anything rationally with her is useless...because at the age of 23 she knows more and has seen more than me. If we disagree she keeps my grandchildren from me. I try to just go along with her because not seeing them hurts too much.

2chickiebaby

Rose, I am terrified of confrontation and anger.  Maybe we show that we are like that in some way...like radar.  If someone hurts my feelings, I run off.

I think with our DILs we know we have to stay and keep taking it to see the Grandkids.  It is hard.  Skeeeeeeeeeeeered.

Pen

If our DILs/MILs are rigid in their dislike of us it makes it difficult to have a reasonable sharing of feelings or ideas. I don't like confrontation but I'm not afraid to have a discussion unless the other party has already set their agenda and is unwilling to be open to any other thoughts.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

isitme?

I think you're right penstamen.  My MIL is certainly rigid when it comes to how she is going to think of me - there's no way I can win so I'm just doing my best to avoid confrontation.  If she was a reasonable person, I would be more than happy to sit down and talk to her - but her mind is completely unopen to other thoughts or the idea that she might have done something wrong.  I think a lot of your DILs are like this too.  And that makes them bullies.  Bullies are like dogs and can smell fear - so if they know you are non-confrontational, they know exactly how to get at you.  The fact that they hold visits with your grandchildren over you head while continuing to bully you makes me really made  >:(

cremebrulee

I'm in agreement, where my DIL is concerned...most of the time I just don't care anymore, tired of the rejection...there are times when I feel badly, especially when it comes to my GD.  Hate confrontation, and as time goes by, the dissappointment, frustration and pain is gone...many in other websites (DIL) suggested I just get on with my life and they got mad at me, when I couldn't...said I was looking for attention...but we're all different, and at that time, I couldn't let go...I don't know how I did it, it just starts happening...you start to let go, and get on with your life....I suppose at that time, I still had so much hope, for a reconcilliation...now, it's just something that has happened that I can't do anything about...and when it does happen...when you can let go and go forward, is what brings peace.
As far as a discussion, most of the time, I have no desire...it wouldn't be a discussion...DIL would yell and then walk out...


cremebrulee

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on January 19, 2010, 05:40:40 am
Rose, I am terrified of confrontation and anger.  Maybe we show that we are like that in some way...like radar.  If someone hurts my feelings, I run off.

I think with our DILs we know we have to stay and keep taking it to see the Grandkids.  It is hard.  Skeeeeeeeeeeeered.


yeah, mine is like yours as well....and I feel the same way, hate, confrontation...