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Is it my Son or DIL or Both?

Started by jules, December 26, 2009, 05:33:00 am

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jules

I have always had a very very close and silly relationship with both of my sons.  We have always clowned around and messed with each other.  We have always been pretty connected.

My oldest son was recently engaged, with my full support.  Since this has happened he is always biting my head off and taking what I say out of context.  Anything in relationship to the girlfriend he turns into something negative.  I don't know why this is happening?  I have never been that person he is twisting my words into? 

aquasol

She defnitely is being a big influence on him, and let me tell you it will get worse before it gets any better.

2chickiebaby

Dear Aquasol,
This is fabulous news.  I can't wait to see the next 15 years.  I'm sure I'll be dead. GREAAAAAAAAT ;D

cremebrulee

Quote from: jules on December 26, 2009, 05:33:00 am
I have always had a very very close and silly relationship with both of my sons.  We have always clowned around and messed with each other.  We have always been pretty connected.

My oldest son was recently engaged, with my full support.  Since this has happened he is always biting my head off and taking what I say out of context.  Anything in relationship to the girlfriend he turns into something negative.  I don't know why this is happening?  I have never been that person he is twisting my words into?


yes, and it is shocking to your whole system that he is doing that, isn't it?  I man who knows you better then him?  It's both, and quit frankly, after going thru this for 12 years...I've read a lot of articles and books on this subject...DIL is definately influencing son, but son, is afraid to stand on his own two feet and tell you both...enough...I want a relationship with both of you and this is childish on both of your parts, and it is going to stop...I won't choose between you...and I wil have a relationship with my mother, and we are all going to get along.  You may not like each other, but by darn when we're together we're going to respect each other, and I don't want to hear another word about it from either one of you...
And that would nip it in the bud....in most cases, not all...but yes, sadly, it is both...your DIL is influencing him and he's going along with it...

2chickiebaby

Creme, you have so much wisdom!  I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. I don't think the sons can deal with all this so peace at any cost is the order of their day.


Sassy

Jules, I am writing this from the perspective of a DIL, not a MIL.

Without any info about your DIL at all, it's hard for me to say or deduce anything about her.

You do say your son is biting your head off, though.  Is it possible he's developing cold feet, or experiencing doubts?  Also, do you think this could be a way your son is pulling back from his family, in order to start a new one?  If he had a limited emotional repotoire, this could just be a crude way of establishing a sense of ndependance (hard to say without knowing his age, living arrangements, etc).

You mention joking, and that anything in you say in relation to F-DIL is taken negatively.  If its jokes you're making about F-DIL, even in a very lovey clowny way, this could be one topic that has become "off limits" in his joke-o-sphere.  If it's jokes you're making to F-DIL, it could be that she's offended and so he's being offended on her behalf, even if he wasn't before.

Try not bringing F-DIL up at all for a while, and see if that affects anything either way with him.