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The Silent Treatment

Started by LoveToPaint, January 01, 2011, 09:33:30 PM

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Keys Girl

Quote from: luise.volta on December 09, 2011, 05:20:50 PM
"Looking forward to and enjoying each day!" Lovely! When we change our focus...and our lives change.  :)

Luise, I know that I wouldn't be where I am today without your wisdom and guidance.  You were a beacon of hope in the sea of grief and anguish that I found myself in a couple of years ago.  You helped me change my life and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and hope that I can help others on this site in return.

KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Keys Girl

Begonia, I'm sorry to hear about this latest round of cruelty.  I'll keep you and the GKs in my thoughts.
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

luise.volta

KG - You are so welcome. That's what we all offer each other and you have helped others immeasurably in return. I am going to forward your note to Kirk, who works for all of us so tirelessly to keep us up and running and who believes in his mom. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Begonia

KG:  Thank you for your kindness. 

And Luise:  May your holiday be filled with wonderful things.  Sending you a big stocking filled with good thoughts. 
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

luise.volta

Thanks...I have two sort of adult children who are coming up on Christmas day to have dinner with me and to visit Val with me in the nursing home. Then I am headed over the mountains to another sort of daughter's for New Years Eve. We do Miracle Lists together and have for years. We write down the miracles was got last year, and then the ones we are willing to get next year...after we have reviewed the ones that we listed last year that came our way. Miracles to us are the blessings that come our way. We've done this for over 20 years.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JudyJudyJudy

Begonia,

First of all:  You can be separated from your grandchildren but they will always be your grandchildren.  Also, you can love them and no one can stop that.

A minister explained to me yesterday that no one can take my peace away from me but that it can be covered over with evil things such anger, frustration, hurt, self pity, revenge, etc.  You can remove those feelings by forgiving every time you feel the negative feelings until the peace returns.  Also, you must see that the people doing the horrible things to you are trying to control you.  The reason people abuse others is so that they can control them and when it looks like they are not controlling their target, they try some other form of abuse.  It is also a form of evil.  We all have evil in us but our wounds can be healed if we cleanse ourselves first and regain our peace.  Trust me, I am working on it and it is helping even though I have a ways to go.

As for you and the rest of us, you want your life to be a certain way -- great family relations, easy access to grandchildren, lots of money, beautiful home and fill in the rest of the blanks.  Well the people hurting you also have an idea of what they want and are trying to get it and are using their own techniques to make it happen.  However, since you are older and wiser, your way is probably best but since they are younger and immature, they probably do not see it your way but may when they are older.

All that being said, abuse is never right.  Neither is trying to control other people.  So, it might be best to forgive them and try to find your peace again because their lives will be difficult in that they will find out that their techniques do not work and will learn hard lessons along the way.

Also, remember this:  Almost always does nature correct things so that grandchildren and grandparents can be together.  You are the grandparent for a reason and you are an important person.  If your situation is like mine, you grandnest in being a mother might just be intimidating the actual mother of your grandchildren.   In our generation, we went to the grandmothers for advice.  A lot of young mothers these days are not doing that and are trying to prove themselves but leaving out their advisors but it really does not work in the long run.  So, they need your forgiveness because they are bringing enough problems on themselves already.