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Help-Input required-Girlfriend not married, with baby wants mom out of picture

Started by triplelace, September 15, 2011, 05:25:38 PM

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lancaster lady


luise.volta

I love to read sayings like: 'The number one thing women want from men is for men to know what women want.  The number one thing men want from women is for women to want nothing.'

Apropos of nothing, we have a saying where I live (Retirement Center): 'When a woman loses her husband, she recovers. When a man loses his wife, he remarries.'
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

I have found the less I say the better. It should have been a red flag for me when my then future DIL buddied up to me quickly, asking questions about how DH & raised our kids, etc. What I said, thinking she was showing interest and love, was twisted and turned against me. She blew innocent things way out of proportion and put a spin on our family life that got our DS thinking that he'd been raised by insane losers.

I agree, back off and do not say anything that isn't generic. It's sad that some of us can't be ourselves with our own family members anymore, but that's how it is.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Doe

I had to chuckle at "insane losers".   My husband and I are do-it-yourselfers and are lucky to have neighbors who understand our eccentricities.  DS and DIL are so conservative in comparison with their lives.  He's definitely not modeling after us and I think she considers us a little loopy.

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Scoop

My Mom would talk about 'seasons' in your life.  To the loopy ones, were you ALWAYS loopy?  Or did you evolve into your loopiness?

I'm saying this because my DB and SIL are going through a loopy-mid-life crisis.  They (especially SIL) used to be ULTRA-conservative.  No nail-polish, no make-up, no hair colour, no contacts, not much more than hands and face showing skin.  NOW, they're NUDISTS!  And SIL wears contacts and make-up, colours her hair and her nails.  They're just 180 degrees from how they were.  Thankfully, they're both equally "into" it, and this is a new direction they're going down TOGETHER.

So maybe your DS and DIL's are at a season in their life where it's "better" to be conservative.  Maybe they'll break out of it.  Apparently, 40 is the age where your "give a hoot" just stops working.  And when they stop giving a hoot, maybe they'll loosen up a bit.

Pooh

No way could I be a nudist!  That would require me to shave more often!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Doe

I'm afraid I was always different.  You know what they say, "One person's loopy is another person's how-could-you-do-it-any-other-way?"  !

Pooh

I have to say I have always been what I like to refer to as "different" too.  Not different in "she's out there" but different in "Oohh look...that sign says there is a bush in the shape of a smurf 60 miles from here....let's go!"  I'm sure there are people that love me because I'm that way....and I'm sure there are people that wish I was more normal.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

pam1

I've read before that people change drastically in about 7 years time.  Just like how a lot of people redecorate their entire house every 7 years.  I know I look like a different person than I was 7 years ago, not just physically but in what I do as well.

And I agree, quirks are funny.  One of my issues with my in laws is the seriousness and be perfect at all costs.  No fun in that
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Nana

Yes Pam...we change gradually.  Sometimes I find myself saying "I am not even the shadow of what I use to be when I was young".   I liked challenges and audacity was one of my traits...I am more fearful now....and I like security.   Even my taste changed.  I used to loved certain things that I dont like anymore.  And on the contrary, things I did not like, I like now.    So life is dynamic...  always changing....and so are we.    Sometimes for better, or for worse lol.    That is why when you meet a friend that you hadnt seen in years, you might feel the person is not the same person she was.   But Pam, I think that our essence and values are still there.

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

luise.volta

Scoop - I became a nudist at age 60...alone! (I wonder if that means my mid-life crisis was delayed? No, I remember that, and you probably don't want to know what i did then!LOL)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


triplelace

Dear Pen:

I think our DIL's (GF in my case) could be identical twins.