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Would Like To Get Your Reactions

Started by Victim, January 05, 2010, 09:16:17 AM

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RedRose

smlgrammy.....I'm interested in your feeling letter and the steps that take you from a place of anger and resentment to love and understanding.....maybe you can start another topic about this.

smlgrammy

RedRose,

I'll surely do that when I get home from work this evening.

isitme?

Survivor,
It sounds like you have come such a long way already. I'm really hoping this will help you improve your relationship with your son and DIL.  Once you really start to reach out to them though, please don't get discouraged if initially your DIL (and maybe your son) take their time to respond back in the way that you hope for.  I'm thinking about my own future in-law relationships....  even if someone apologizes or seems nice, it can be hard to let go of the hurt you've felt before if it's gone on for a long time.  From the way you have described some of the things you've done/said to your DIL, I can see how she would be very very hurt and it might take her a long time to feel like she can trust you not to hurt her again.  Good luck with this and know that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your family by dealing with your own issues.  But don't feel offended if your DIL takes her time before she let's down her guard - remember what you've done to her and how much that must have hurt her and give her that time.   :)

Orly

Quote from Survivor " The pain I caused spans even further then my sons marriage and their kids and my husband because my DIL and son will not bring the kids over due to me, but it also hurts MILs in general."   The part I want to discuss  "but it also hurts MILs in general."

Survivor,
Suffering under your own burden is more than enough.  Please do not take on other MIL's headaches as YOUR responsibility.  You are not the "Woe be unto you" fairy,  your problems with your DIL didn't magically jump around the world to other households and cause trouble to be visited upon another poor, unsuspecting, Mother.  NO dear, sad to say, those MILs in general know very well where their hurts and tribulations come from.  You may feel that way but, it is not true.   It isn't from your hand, so please let that guilty feeling go.   

As for what I have read from your posts, you are there to offer support and advice to others.  Giving up your mistakes to review, you are educating readers here....MILs and DILs alike.  You are in therapy and working on improving yourself.  You are worried that you may not make those improvements at your age.  Change comes at any age, faster when you are actively seeking it.  You ARE seeking it and finding those first gems needed for change.  Don't get discouraged at the pace.

Pen

Survivor, you are an inspiration to us all for being so honest about some really difficult things and for seeking to change them. I hope with all my heart that everything works out for you.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb