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What would you do about your adult children fighting?

Started by QuietStorm, September 11, 2011, 12:14:06 pm

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QuietStorm

In thinking about things that have gone on with DH's family we've found that when SIL and I are getting along the family dynamic is better.  When we're not she and MIL spend a lot of time fueling each other's anger.  DH and SIL are always squabbling - they act like kids.  SIL is the GC at this point and can do no wrong.  The two barely talk, they won't even say hello when they're in the same room.  I'm wondering with the Mom's here would do about that.  SIL is 25 and just recently moved back home.  DH and I are married almost 3 years now and have been together for 9.  I feel like it's a mother's job in a way to help them find their way back to each other...not that they always can, but I'm just curious what the women here think.

Doe

Well, Moms get a lot of flack for interfering too much in their adult children's lives.  We're sort of danged if we do, danged if we don't.

If you have the power to make things go better when you and SIL get along,  I'm sure your help would be much appreciated by everyone. 

QuietStorm

Well SIL is on an anti-Quietstorm kick...she's pretty much decided that I'm evil so that's not really going to work out right now.  But I at least keep it civil.

luise.volta

It's no ones business but theirs. They are adults. Stay out of it and treat them like adults by respecting their ability to work through it or not. My 2 cents.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Orly

Unless they are coming to blows...I'd stay out of it.  As to your SIL being on an anti-Quietstorm kick, treat her like you treat a stranger, polite interaction with no in-depth conversations.  Keep the carping about the hubby and family to your girlfriends.

pam1

Unfortunately, it sounds like MIL is already interfering if SIL is considered the GC.  It may just be a very old pattern since childhood that your DH and SIL will have to work out on their own or not.



People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Sassy

It is not your MIL's job to make your married and grown DH and your 25 year old SIL try to get along.  It is entirely their job.  However, a requisite for people to get along is them both wanting to get along.

Pooh

I agree with the others.  It's on them, not you.  Be polite and civil, but if either try to drag you into it, tell them it is their problem to work out.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell