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Our 32 yr. old son hates us

Started by Lisa, September 27, 2011, 02:49:19 AM

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Lisa

Pooh and lancaster lady, thanks for your input.  I do wonder if there is some way we should/could intervene other than just wait for him to realize he has a problem.  I do worry about him harming his son or himself.  Every time I see someone with a baby my mind flashes back and I remember how much we adored him and I am so glad we don't have crystal balls to see what the future holds cuz I sure never expected this or saw it coming.  Someone mentioned about being overshadowed by younger twin siblings and you know, I read every book I could get my hands on before the twins were born to make sure he never felt left out.  I don't have a clue what I should have done differently.  And, yes, I am keeping myself very busy and that seems to be helping.  Thanks again.

Lisa

Oh, and it was Ruth who had mentioned she had twin siblings.  Sorry, it's just that everyone is new to me on here and I can't remember all the names and couldn't figure out how to scroll up and read while typing.

Ruth, what you said in your post makes a lot of sense.  The thing is, I don't know how to make any sense of it; I just go through the motions day by day trying to deal with the pain.  My DS is also I would say 10 yrs. behind at least in maturity at this point.  Has your son's behavior changed coinciding with the fact that your daughter thinks he may have quit?  I sure wish my son would quit.  The thing is, I always though pot would mellow people out, love and peace and all that stuff, not make them scream and confront the only family they have.  My brain and heart are both very weary.  I feel so much older these days and downtrodden.  Oh, well, maybe tomorrow will be better.  I do have a friend who told me to call him and just tell him I love him.  I just can't do that right now.  I wonder if she's right about that.

Ruth

Lisa, my son's behavior changed yes after I think he stopped using.  That wasn't the cause of his beligerance, just made it worse.  He's by nature introverted and not very talkative, and that's more how he is now rather than when using he was very extroverted as I said before, then it would deteriorate quickly to being argumentative.  I don't have any answers for you, I just know a lot of things I did trying to make it better only made it worse.  I invaded my son's space terribly, in his eyes, as he resents intrusion.  So I just lay low now and wait for him to make contact first, or when I see him I act like its no big deal to me, just hi how are you.  But ds never made threats about violence or overt words of hate.  We have sons who have either a serious personality disorder or a type of mental illness, and we have to accept that and come to terms with it.   I would be thankful however if your ds is able to sustain a marriage, is it a reasonably healthy one? 

lisafox41

It is true...until he wants to change, the only thing you can do is limit your interaction with him. It is hard to not be able to "fix" this. As parents that is what we are programmed to do.
I read in a previous post on this site; "There is no "why". That's the first thing most of us learn. It's about them not us and we have to stop trying to figure it out because it isn't logical. That's step one on the road to healing."
When I stopped trying to figure out how it happened, I was free!!

Lisa

Thanks ya'll.  Lisa41, yes that makes sense.  I keep trying to rationalize and it's just not rational.  Input from others does help tremendously though.  At least I don't feel like I am going crazy as much.  And, feeling free again to live my life is what I am searching how to do.  I feel like our lives have been put on hold these last few months.