January 29, 2020, 03:43:45 am


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Dear Daughter ???

Started by lancaster lady, September 05, 2011, 09:44:02 am

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LL, give that man of yours a squeeze!

Any changes can bring on the blues and the "what ifs." I'm great at trying to see into the future,and sometimes I'm just plain wrong.

Take care of yourself during this time. Try to keep from showing sadness; for some reason our adult children have a hard time with that and it doesn't help our cases as we might think. Post here on those days!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


If your life is about them, (which as you know isn't anything I understand,) sadness might come when they leave. Why now? They aren't even leaving next month?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


LL, just because something is the 'right' course, doesn't mean sadness isn't going to be something you will have to work with for a while.  This is the nature of grief, any time we have a loss we have to grieve.  Give it time.  In time you will heal and you will indeed have the things you want, but you have to accept them on life's terms, not yours.  This is more about you, than them.  It is for you to move out and away from this more, and build your own life from a greater emotional distance.  It isn't about loving your family less, or being there for them less, but about the change in the way you (and I) view the relationship.  I've walked in your shoes.  When my ds left after finally returning and living with me a few months after he got out of military, I honestly didn't think my heart could just keep on healing from these hurts, but God had many lessons to teach me about knowing I can't hold on to any thing in this life, and the great mystery is to still love and embrace the things and live a life of joy.  Don't fight against the sadness, just let it run it course and know that better things are ahead.  my family creed is 'we hope for better things' and I used to have it stenciled in my old house, I need to find a place here to do it.  cheers!


LL - 2 things:

1 - Did you know that on the scale of stressful events, good ones rank up there with bad ones?  So birth of a baby or moving homes counts just as much as death of a loved one, in terms of stress levels.  So cut yourself some slack, you've been under a LOT of stress this year, with more to come.

2 - Something you said really stuck out to me "what new bride leaves her husband after only 10 days of marriage".  She's not really a new bride, they just "sealed the deal".  She's been living with him for a long time and they have a child together.  This is not a "honeymoon" situation anymore.  Please don't judge her by the yardstick of moving from your Dad's home to your husband's home.

lancaster lady

Ruth ......thankyou,I hear you and will do my best .The sadness comes from thinking how it was a year ago when I only saw my GD for 2 hours in 4 months ,and I hope with all my.heart.those times do not return.                            Scoop :      Thankyou for your concern.....and yes stress can be a killer , I will try and chill I promise . I just thought it strange  for my DIL to take off.for three days so soon after the wedding .I learned later she was looking at houses ,my DS didn't seem to pleased to be left ,also not to be included .  I know not my business .  Here's to a happy move , I hope they will be , honestly .               


Geesh.  I go away for one week and you have all this happen to you in that span of time! 

Ok, positive side.  They have a move-out date which is WAY MUCH better than them just seeming to just linger and linger.  You need your life back LL.  You have done your good deed with them and now it's good that they are moving on.

The sadness?  Sure because as much stress as this has put you under, you have had access to GD and the doubts of what the future relationship with them all holds, are there.  Totally normal.

So, now that I've solved all that for you  ;D be happy that they are moving on into their own life.  That's what they are supposed to do.  You can't control the visits or what they choose, but you can control how you handle it.  You got this!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

lancaster lady

Hi Pooh ......hope your hols were amazing ! ......I got it .....I know ......its just me ! My ODS said everything happens for a reason , he also said to look at the relationship I now have with my GD.! When did he go and get all wise !?....... oh yeah I forgot he's my son ......lol.........nice to have you back .....x


It was amazing and thank you!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell