Adult Son Acts Like Child

[heart attack too many]

My son is 41yrs. old and blames me for all the problems he has in life. None of his children have any respect for him, he does not know how to disiclipline them. He does not physically abuse them, but his way of communication is screaming and cussing, and belittling them. When he was married, he turned all the authority of raising them over to the the woman (the step mom of one child) She physically abused my 12 yr. old grandaughter and twisted him up to think the 12 yr old was lying all the time, so he thinks she is just a trouble maker. This situation has been rectified, I have raised the child from 13 to now (17). He is now divorced and lives next door to me. He repaired his relationship with his daughter and we all got along and she was beginning to forgive him. Then after 2 yrs of being single he moved a lady in with him and the cycle began all over again, but this time with his 10yr. old from his previous wife. The girlfriend stirs up trouble against all his children and try's to get them in conflict. Recently they were at my home and the 10yr old was in trouble for being rude to her, so she says. So she follows him around telling him to quit crying and help the other child to put up groceries. This goes on for several min. with her right behind him scolding him the whole time telling him to shut up and enjoy his birthday celebration. The grandaughter who lives with me (17yr old) tells her she is being mean to him. War breaks out and sure  enough my son comes in screams and cusses at his kids to show respect, and tells me I don't like anyone he dates, now it's the silent treatment.

[luise.volta]

Welcome - How do you feel about all that is going on and what do you think should be done?

[heart attack too many]

I am sick and tired of him avoiding his responsibilities and the way he treats his children and us. He has 3 beautiful children, one just graduated from a major university and the other is fixing to go. The son has a learning disability and it breaks my heart that he treats them this way. His ex wife is not going to allow the son to come back for a while and has put him in counseling. I agree with her, and my son needs to get counseling himself. At this point i am fed up and I don't care if he speaks to me or not. My husband and I have a full life and we are going to concentrate on enjoying it. I will finish what we started with seeing that my grandaughter finishes school this year and then my commitment is over. My husband and I did not raise him this way and cannot understand it. My daughter has a total different outlook and is a wonderful parent.  I think he needs to take his girlfriend and move! Me and my husband have no problem with him moving and putting space between us. My son is naive and believes everything these women tell him, and will not even listen to his grown children, he writes them out of his life each time he's in a relationship. This disgusts me and I hurt for my grandchildren because I see how it affects them.

[heart attack too many]

I forgot to add that he lives on our property, in my daughters house, with his girlfriend (who hates my daughter) and he's never paid $1 in rent. My daughter struggles paying her own rent and is trying to finish college, she could use the money. This is why I said he needs to move.

[Doe]

Well, the silent treatment sounds like a blessing. 

I admire you for taking in your granddaughter and providing her a safe haven.

[Pooh]

Welcome heart.  Why is your daughter allowing him to stay in the house if he's not paying rent?  Sounds like she needs to boot them out.  I too admire you for sticking up for the GC.

[heart attack too many]

My daughter lives an hour away and she wants someone in it so it wont deteriorate, and it's too close to us to rent out. Thanks for all you guy's kind and encouraging words, it helps to know there are other people out there like me.  I use to apologise for everything and anything to try to make peace, but not anymore. It has gotten old and tiring, and takes too much energy, so I am going to keep up with this web site and get strength from others and enjoy my grandaughters senior year.

[Pooh]

Ok, that makes sense but are they actually maintaining it? 

[heart attack too many]

Yes I have to say they are, we have 5 acres and they also help me mow. We are trying to sell and they know we are putting my daughters house up for sale also. It isn't a seller's market right now, we've tried to sell my daughters house to be moved but it's too expensive to move.