March 19, 2019, 01:47:36 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


What we aren't

Started by 2chickiebaby, January 02, 2010, 06:29:16 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

2chickiebaby

You didn't do anything wrong, COCO!!!  I sent you a PM!!

2chickiebaby

Coco, you are such a delight here. I'm so glad you are with us. 

greeneyes100

Hi what happened....Am I missing something...

cremebrulee

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on January 02, 2010, 06:57:20 pm
I loved it... If they think we want them back here? Please, no sir! 

the "guests" on here love to read about us and put their take about us on other sites. They psychoanalyze us with their pathetic empty heads.  I'm mad.  I feel betrayed too.  We've been accommodating to all of them.


Thats ok Chickie...we don't care...look at the good in what has happened...there have been very kind DIL's who have joined this site...and they are amazing girls...so, the others, pssst....remember, you see others as you yourself would be....here's an example....I write poetry, and had been posting for years...some got it, some saw sexual context within them....why?  Because that is who they are and how they think...there will always be people who find fault who despise, who can't see past they're own noses...as you can see, whenever there is a difference of opinion, they flock here like flies to read...it/s entertainment for them....and someone is going back and writing those members...small minds, small worlds...yanno?  But there are some, who truly want to know a MIL's point of view....and that's what it's all about...the support here is fabulous not to mention, the willingness not to judge adding to that...the positive feedback and awareness of all these girls....it's great...so, ignore those who would want to be contradictive and point fingers in a manner which puts you down...they have to put you down to make themselves feel better...they have to find fault, and accuse, b/c that is they're life...they don't care about feelings, they want results and to cause misery...misery loves company....

cremebrulee

We've been accussed of having mental issues...and not wanting to let go of our sons...it's been suggested that we MIL's want to cause problems with our son's wives...

They read and see what they want to see, and are not able to view perspectives and insight from another point of view...especially if we don't agree with them...that's ok....

I know that everyone here, wants they're son's to be happy, and if the DIL's cause dissarry with they're inlaws...then we're accussed of wanting our son's to make a choice, to even leave they're wives....I have no desire to have my son back in that way...what I want is a relationship that is in sync...and not have everything I say twisted or taken as a negative comment. 

I wrote before about my son's friends coming to visit...it was so refreshing...and I was told, that all my son's friends are not only shocked by my son's behavior, but also angry with him and do not like my DIL....one of them told himNOT to marry her.  So, it isn't just me, and it certainly isn't any of you....

Do you want your son's to be successful, yes...do you want a relationship with them, yes...but not as before, when they were growing up...our son's are adults now...and it is expected of them to leave the nest, take a wife and pursue they're own lives...including us in them....once in a while.  e are not and never can be again, the woman in our son's liives, but...we will always be they're mothers....

I never had a problem with young women before...and I was told, that some of my son's friends wanted to contact him and ask him why he is putting his head in the sand.  I asked them not to do that...one, it sparks up fuel to the fire again, and our son's take it as they're wives are being berated...two...it would depress them and put them in the middle....and I won't do that...we are talking now, and if my DIL want to act so immature, so be it....there is nothing I can do to make her like me...it is enough, that my son's friends do and have validated my feelings about this entire situation...it's given me strength and comfort...and I know nothing is ever going to change...if someone wants change, they work it out together like mature adults..but our DIL's are not mature adults...they come from broken homes...and never really had love before...perhaps our son's are the first persons in they're lives who have given them love and attention....therefore, they are going to hold onto that, at all costs....

When those women accuse us of being mentally ill...or the cause of our problems....let me tell you this...those are closed minded people who will someday bring they're own problems upon themselves....they have children...they are growing older...someday, all the bad karma they inflicted upon others, will come back to haunt them....so Ladies, rest assure, all is well.  I wonder, how many DIL's would agree to go to counseling with they're MIL"s.  Only those, like the DIL's here who are willing and want to work things out....

Again...this is not the norm...they're are many DIL's who have fantastic relationships with they're MIL's.  Our family never had this before....or knew it existed...we all got along so well...we were all a close family...and Ladies...with all our faults, with all our DIL's faults...I bet anything, if something happened, we'd be the first ones to defend them....I don't hate my DIL and neither do any of you...the same with the DIL's here...and that is the difference...I'm not at all fond of my DIL's behavior, but, hey, that's her...and if she were not like that, I wouldn't be on this site or have need for support...

So, again, I say...Ladies...you are valid in your feelings and don't ever allow someone to tell you otherwise...we are not women who want this turmoil...we only wan to love our son's and they're wives...encourage them to go forward, encourage them to succeeed, we do not want to run they're , lives, or they're children...we only want to have some kind of relationship with them, that does not entail jealousy and bad feelings against us...or taking things that we say, as a personal attack against who they are....sheesh...?????


cremebrulee

I also want to add, I'm having a lot of contact with my son now...more then ever...he is very concsiencious about contacting me which is normal...I'm pleased with that, and as his friend pointed out..."He's starting to realize, your his mother and it's important to have contact with you....and maybe in his heart, he knows what is REALLY going on."  I think she's right...so, the door is always open to my DIL...will she ever come around...probly not...but that is her choice...her decission...what I won't allow is for her to treat me and talk to me as she has done in the past...so Chickie...I am not or no longer will be a victim...I love my son, and feel very sorry for my DIL...as my sister once said to me...Your DIL is really missing out, and causing her own husband to miss out...I looked at her wondering why she said that...and asked her what she meant...she said..."Because they will never know you like we know you...and that's very sad".  All these years...thru immaturity and selfishness  adding these women are very angry souls...due to they're past lives...and they will never allow they're husbands to have outside interests, even if that means...distancing them from they're families...so, accept it, and move on, wish them the best, and don't give up hope, but by all means, don't cause any problems between them....allow they're lives to play out...I knever ask my son about my DIL any more and refuse to discuss the issue with him...he can't do anything about it...but whaqt he has done and proved, is, that he will still contact his mother and he tells her he loves her, and we now have very productive conversations...his life, is his...his choice, and that is none of my business....if I choose to share stories of what happened, what hurt me, fine...but, in the end...I have a life...and I plan to live it...regardless...

greeneyes100

Hi Girls, I just want ot say. I like this site and I am not interested about any of the other sites which I do not know anything about. I truly hope this site does not become bitchy because I do not want to be involved in any thing that is not good for all that are here  I am sure the founder of this site only wants the best for us... truly   D

greeneyes100

HEAR   HEAR

WE ARE NOT A HATE SITE

WE ARE A LOVE ONLY SITE

cocobars

Oops!  Gotcha!  Gues I was a little slow there!

Pen

I don't want to focus on those other sites, either. It's too much for my poor little brain and fragile emotional state ;)

But seriously, our site has been so supportive that I would be sad if we became the MIL version of what it sounds like those DIL sites are (haven't spent time on them, obviously.)

Love the list, Chickie! As a fairly new MIL who put a lot of effort into backing off and giving the newly weds their space, I know for sure I am not any of those things. It's been over a year - still waiting for an invite to their house that doesn't involve helping them move.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

That put it well, Penstamen....we don't want to become like that.  I'm too fragile too so keep me in check here.  I need it.  I need slapping occasionally.

Trying to get back on a right track.... :)

cocobars

Being a newbie to this, I wasn't aware that some other site was watching.  I guess that's dumb in itself, but I'm really glad if they are.  Maybe they will see we are really not the crazy MIL's they had hoped for!   LOL! 

Well, most of the time anyway! Now, where did I put that paddle!

cocobars

I just can't help but see humor in the DIL sites watching...  What are they looking for??  I guess I just can't get past the thought of them imagining that we are so crazy and must be watched.  LOL! ;D

2chickiebaby

It is funny when you think about it.  A bunch of 3rd graders, who can't spell watching us so they can learn how to treat their MILs.  They think we're narcissists.  Everyone is a narcissist. 

I'm getting less mad now. We are supposed to get really upset when our "N" supply gets low.  My "N" supply must be full now so I'll move on.  What a freak show.   But, I digress....back to the feature presentation.  ;D


cremebrulee

That's right Chickie, it is kindergarden...but I bet of all those gals who are viewing, there are one or two who do understand and/or want to....remember how it was when you were young?  Do you remember fearing not belonging to a crowd or group?  So you went along with them....b/c you feared standing up for your own personal institutions....well, that is how it is now...but sooner or later, the ones like our DIL's here...and I do think of them as our DIL's...they will figure it out...believe me...

there are some really great DIL's out there....more then not....it's just that we ended up getting the short end of the stick...hey...poop happens, but I still believe, and will not give up on the idea, that something good comes from bad...