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"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

What kind of relationship do MIL want with their children?

Started by just2baccepted, August 03, 2009, 04:58:08 pm

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Truth be told, we have met some really great DILs on this site who gave their all to their MILs and were still shut out and put down. It happens.

I remembr 100 years ago when I was was still in high school and accepted my boyfriend's fraternity pin. I lived in Michigan, he lived in Illinois. (Long story.) He was in pre-med and eventually became a doctor because his mother wanted him to be one. He wanted to be a writer. My aunt introduced us because she was his Creative Writing teacher in high school and liked him a lot. He took me home to meet his mother and she walked into the room and snarled..."Well...I don't think we need to be introduced, do we?!!" It was all downhill for me after that. Not for him...but I simply couldn't cope with that kind of person. I'm sure glad she showed her colors early on. 
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


A trusting, loving son is the key to disaster? I'm not quite following, since in my instance my eldest son was distrusting and unloving and found his perfect match. And when my trusting and loving younger son misread his former wife and found himself locked into her pathology, he ended it. Not for me...for himself.

In the situation I just wrote about, I don't think my boyfriend was even worried about taking me home to meet his mother because he was used to his mother's antics. I was the trusting one that gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and trusted one and all unless I was given reason not to. But when I found reason not to trust, I acted in my own best interest.

It seems like sometimes our sons, back to the other side of the coin, see their best interest as disconnecting from their families of origin because they didn't detect the fly in the ointment, (the wife's insecurity or whatever), until it was too late. Leaving is not always the solution, just as staying isn't always the solution, either. It's their issue and we ofter suffer what is now being called "collateral damage." (Heartbreak.)

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Quote from: Anna on August 06, 2009, 08:17:32 am
I know Louise, ironic isn't it.  I see the wall around my son, he is careful of what he says & does in front of his wife, just as we are, because she is like dynamite & we never know what will set her off.  It must be really hard for him living this way, he has to deal with it on a daily basis.  At least we CAN step away now & then.   

  I sooo worry about the day when he implodes over the so-called-life they have with each other.  I have repeated myself to my family many times.  The door has closed.  I don't want to bother with him anymore. 
   Sounds harsh, mean, etc.  It is NOT a get even tactic.  I just cannot fathom having him back in my life and all the baggage ever again. 
   I can say that once I made my decision, the migraines became fewer, the IBS just about disappeared!!, ulcer healed, weight and b/p under control, and I enjoyed waking every morning to a new day.  When they were in my life it was turmoil, drama, upset, and a big dose of hurt.
   I am free. 


Oh HappyDay,
How I wish to be free.  I am caught in the "wish it was different" stage. Son is so different and remote. Why did I ever buy him those long pants??? (a quote from Auntie Mame)


We have had some lovely DILs on this site who have wanted desperately to relate warmly to their MILS and who took endless abuse trying in vain to establish mutual respect. If the raw material isn't there, it's a no-go. 
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Luise! I had no idea that you were the creator of the momresponds website!   I have read that one several times trying to get ideas about my difficult MIL.  I also didn't know that you created this website, I thought you were just another poster.  I love your momresponds website.  I have read many of the questions.  I read the one about your chihuahua and his tinkle problem.  Have you ever heard of belly bands?  They're bands that go around the doggies little willy and that keeps them from the marking behavior in the house.  You just take the band off before they go outside to potty.  I think you can get them at any pet store.  That's one of the reason why I prefer girls and also so I can put pretty bows in their hair.  But its certainly nice to meet the lady of that neat site!!


Well, thank you! What a nice post.  ;D And thank you for the great Chihuahua advice! I will try that and report back.

In my bio that is on my website, there is a picture of me with my webmaster-son. That's how I have been able to do this kind of work. What a great facilitator he is!

This site evolved out of my work with Prissy on that site. We have a wonderful gang here!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama