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Three Generational Mess?

Started by SunShine, August 21, 2011, 07:00:32 PM

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luise.volta

Works for me. I am going to remember that one. (It always feels so real.)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

SunShine

I like that quote too! lol. I have a good imagination what 'jerk' really means too. I had a long talk with my DD today. We worked out a whole lot of issues and it feels good. I had to have the... let's get things in the open talk. I decided to find out what her life was like. It's not pretty. She's overworked and stressed out. She feels we expect things of her. I miss her, but told her that I expected nothing of her, except to be happy in life. I got an, "I love you mom", for that one. She works very hard and I think people put more on her plate than she can handle, because they think she can handle it. She can't, but she's too much of a workaholic and perfectionist not to do all the work she is handed. She hasn't had a vacation in 8 months. This is why I don't see my DD. She goes above and beyond what other people do in her field. The more you do, the more people think you can do. So in the end, she isn't happy with gifts from extended family. Thank you note are one more chore she doesn't have time for. She doesn't even have time for a vacation. She does wish they would stop with the gifts. It isn't just my mother I found out. She feels she is an adult and that she should reciprocate and give them gifts for their birthdays too, otherwise it's like she is a child. She's not comfortable with this one way gift giving and perhaps hopes that not sending thank yous would discourage extended family. She only wants to exchange with immediate family, meaning parents and siblings. So, I have my explanations. I'm glad I opened up the whole thing and just talked about it all. My mother has little to do with things. I projected onto my DD things she wasn't thinking. She also found out she is projecting onto me things I'm not thinking. We projected onto each other. Why do women do this? In any event, I hope this helps other parents.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Doe

Oh, no problem with changing the quote - I had some second thoughts after sending it but wasn't sure how to change it. 

luise.volta

Thanks. If we can figure it out... it's a no go...per the Forum Agreement. If we don't cap it initially, the sky seems to be the limit.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama