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Gd wants to visit but her mom will not allow it

Started by jill, August 26, 2011, 08:33:26 pm

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Hi everyone,
I have been a member here a year now and I thought I was progressing.  My odd and I have had very little contact just at grandchildren's birthdays and last Christmas, no birthday cards, mother's day cards etc.  I do email my gd, send her little videos, and she occasionally replies.  Last week she wrote saying she missed me and had not seen me for ages, and wanted to come and sleep over.  I asked odd if she could sleep over and she said no, she has other things to do.  This was just another knife through my heart.  I feel dead inside.  I love my gd dearly and obviously she wants to see me.   I don't want her to forget me or think I don't love her.    Odd has hurt me so much, I don't think I can forgive her.      Is it possible to have a relationship with my gd, without contacting her mother?     I know my WWU friends will have advice on this..........Jill     


Not that I know of. I wish there were. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


My heart breaks for you, Jill.

Are you thinking that you'll never get to see your GD? Does your ODD always say your GD is busy, or is there a slight chance she really is?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Oh Jill

I am so sorry this is happening.  I see it very difficult for you to have a relationship with your gd if not having one with your daughter.  It is her weapon...remember. 

I know that many will not agree, but I will talk to my daughter and express my concern.  I would at least want to know the grounds I am stepping on.  As her directly if she is not letting your gd have contact with you.  You cannot assume my dear Jill, you have to know.  I really hope and pray your daughter comes to her senses and open to you. 

Life can be so hard...yet we have love ourselves and let go with dignity even it hurts or breaks our heart. 

I am sure, this is temporary....dont lose hope....but dont que stuck there.....the mud can be very thick. 

Love you
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:


I'm sorry for your frustration and disappointment.  Jill, if you can, try to focus on the positive that is here. Because I see there is some positive here!  You do have contact with your GD.  You write her and she likes you.  Your GD does know you and love you!  She won't forget you.  She knows you love her, too. You are in her heart.   

If it's not too painful for you, when you can, continue to stay in touch with your GD as you have been.  (Not that you ever would, but while I say that, also want to include a mention not to say anything bad about her mom to your GD, as you already know, I'm sure. Just as part of my stay in touch suggestion.).   Perhaps you could think of GD as living too too far away to visit, across the world.  Because in a way, it's very true.  There are practical obstacles between you and her, that neither of you have control over.  It doesn't change your love for each other.  You and your GD have a long distance relationship.  That is so much better than no relationship.  The words and the love is there, and I hope you can take comfort that it is flowing both ways.


So sorry Jill, for the situation with your DD.

And it is such a good thing that she writes to you.  Maybe writing will be your contact with her...just think of all those precious letters!!   I would send her regular letters with self addressed stamped envelopes.  Make a fun thing out of it.  My oldest GD had sent me letters over the years and when she graduated from high school I made a collage of our memories and put it together in a picture frame that still hangs in her room even though she only is home for summers now.  Stay strong and hopeful. 

One thing I have done is to stay in a hotel in my DS town and the kids have come out swimming for a couple hours. 

So hard to go through. I remind myself that I am a role model for my GC as you seem to be for yours.  Good wishes to you.
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)


I agree with Begonia - build on what you have!  My GC is 1000 miles away so I'm not expecting sleep overs when she is older.    It's too bad that your daughter isn't fostering the relationship more, but at least she isn't totally denying access.   

There's a glass half full here, I'd say.


Thanks everyone for your replies.  I am going to continue sending her emails, maybe phone once in a while, like maybe next week to wish her good luck in the new school year.  She is a busy girl, but is home next week before school starts and she had said she might be able to sleep over.  I know many people here have suggested making a scrapbook, and I think I am going to do that, put together photos of the 2 of us taken over the years.    I don't want to talk to odd about it, we hardly talk at all, it might make things worse.   It does worry me Pen, that I may not see her again, it is odd's way of having control..............................Jill


Newbie here  If she doesn't live too far away, maybe you can go to some of her school acitivities. I am sure she would appreciate that, and hopefully, her  parents will too! 

My dil and ds used their children as weapons.  I prefer to stay away to keep that sort of thing to a minimum.  YOur situation does not sound that bad yet. 

Stay strong.