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I feel like my heart is breaking.

Started by Dijo63, July 25, 2011, 07:31:02 AM

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tryingmybest

Dino you are handling it perfectly.


Pen

{{{hugs}}} to you, Dijo. He has to go through what he has to go through. It must mean so much to him that you and your OS have expressed your support.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

sorrowhasaname

DiJO63..... I am so sorry for your pain. You do not deserve to be treated this way. No one does. This is just my opinion, but  I think that this may not be about you at all. You sound very reasonable and caring and I believe that your son knows that you are there for him if he needs to talk.  I would avoid upsetting her. It would be great if he could somehow talk her into couples counseling, so that someone besides family might have the opportunity to see her just as she is. She may be ill, and I am wondering: Is the child okay? Families seem to be in a lot of trouble. You are not alone. Many of us have ongoing painful situations that we are learning to live with. I am a 'newbie' and have been reading today, and I am amazed at the support and the strength of these women.

SusieQ123

Hi Dijo,

I'm new to this site also and the amount of pain, courage and strength I see here is amazing.  I have just 2 thoughts, first that I would definitely let her (by son) know you will not be reading or responding to the nasty emails. Also, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but it seems to me that she could be mentally ill, but that doesn't mean you should accept any abuse. 


Ruth

Dear D , welcome, these are wonderful replies to your heartrending problem, so very sorry.  What wonderful 'grand parenting ideas'!!  thanks so much for the tree planting, scrapbooking, you tub-ing ideas, this is something concrete that ousted grandparents can sink their teeth into!   D this isn't about you.  This woman has serious disturbances in her thinking and a professional will need to work on it.  Please try and detach from her and focus on our son.  These are early days and chances are he will break away and return to sanity soon.   Please keep reading and writing, this is a rich resource for help here.

justanoldgrandma

I'm glad your son realizes that he needs to detach from this toxic, sick, young woman and get some help for himself.  He seems to realize she is not going to be a partner for him and is back to relying on you, his family.  I hope he can get some counseling for himself, w your help if you can and wish.  I would totally detach as others have said, from this woman, deleting her emails and FB? comments. 

The only other concern I would have would be for the child's safety and well-being.  The mother is not accepting your help and she must get help on her own.  Is the child being taken care of?  If the woman is mentally ill, you and/or your son can contact social services to check and it may end up that the baby would be better off, a great deal, being raised by your family if possible.  Being raised by a mentally ill mother who won't get help would be so detrimental for the child.

In rereading other posts, I see that your son has wisely sought legal advice and your other son is giving support in listening to him.  So my above paragraph may already being considered (safety of the child.)  If the new mother had no resources to take care of the newborn and you had to do it, she probably still is unable to provide adequately for the baby, is that the case? 

Prayers for you, your son, and that precious baby.

sesamejane

I agree with the posts expressing concern for the child.  This personality change seems to be about the pregnancy and new baby.  Erratic behavior and unfounded accusations may be signs of something serious.  Does your son have a sense of her ability to determine the difference between what is real and what is going on in her head (voices?  delusions?).  Some pretty scary stuff has happened to those who are vulnerable and in the care of someone who may not be able to exercise good judgement.  She appears to be interpreting events around her in a paranoid manner. 

I do not wish to frighten you or your son, but maybe it's time for everyone around her to not take things personally and to really start evaluating her mental status.  She may indeed need help.  The child most certainly does need a watchful and protective eye or two.

REgarding suicidality, thinking about suicide is a lot different from having a plan and expressing intention.  Lots of people think about suicide - more than we would like to think.  I have, but I know I would never do it and never really think about how I might.  Just more an expression of deep pain. 

I hope this helps, and again, what I am suggesting is that cool and objective heads prevail.  Love you ladies....