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How Can You Love Your MIL ?

Started by RedRose, December 30, 2009, 05:10:10 AM

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greeneyes100

Hi Chickie, my D and SIL are the same so this year I will not allow my heart to be squashed by them.  The NARC. person can not give love or feel love I have come to terms with this and see them as having a severe problem one that I can not fix

2chickiebaby

What I don't understand, Green is that on the hate sites, EVERYBODY is a Narcissist.  All their MILs are N's.  Is everyone a narcissist?  Lord!  I've seen both my DILs show love and seems like they feel love. 

Maybe CDIL is just self centered?  I know she's totally controlling.  I don't know.  I know son who is married to CDIL is self centered.  They both are. 

greeneyes100

Hi Chickie, you will know a NARC. it will take awhile but the personality will show clear signs and patterns in the way they treat people.  LOL not everyone is a NARC  thank God. but when you learn about them you will be surprised how many who know. There is a huge difference between controlling and self centred to a NARC  but there are borderline ones, like borderline personalities problems

2chickiebaby

Okay...glad I'm not one.  One of the counselors I saw said that I was the opposite of a Narcissist.  I thought, "that's good" but I guess N's get their way, though.  I don't.

greeneyes100


greeneyes100

someone with a NPD can not change because they do not believe that they have a problem that is why they blame everyone else.

cremebrulee

Quote from: Anna on January 01, 2010, 02:50:26 AM
I read up on narcissistic behavior & I'm sure my dil is a narcissist too.  Someone on here got angry with the usage of the word normal.  She wanted to know what right someone had to say that she wasn't normal.  I think when I compare my dil to ALL the other people I know, her BEHAVIOR is not normal.  I do not know ANYONE else like her, except maybe her mother.  Her mother has other issues, alcoholism is one, dil doesn't have that, but there are so many other similarities.  They both have a need to control every situation, they are both pretty selfish, they both always try to exclude people (family) from their lives, dils mother has no-one except her daughter, she has alienated the rest of her family, & my dil is on her way to doing the same thing.  It is a sad, vicious, cycle & I hope dil stops this cycle before she too has no one.  She tries in every way she can to push people away, but hold on tight to hubby & kids.  Someday her kids will need more than just Mom & Dad, it happens to all kids, how will dil handle it when it happens to her?  When the kids are gone she will have no-one except hubby if she's lucky.  What happens then.  I know a lot of the dils on here don't anticipate being hurt when they are not included in their childrens or grandchildrens lives.  Neither did I, never even thought about it, never dreamed I would be excluded.  Believe me when I say you will be hurt.  Hurt beyond your wildest dreams or thoughts.  Being excluded by you own children is one of the biggest hurts one can ever suffer.  Not being welcomed by the children you raised with love, blood, sweat, & tears, hurts.  No matter what you think now.  It hurts.

Normal are people coming together despite differences, misunderstandings, harsh words and generation gaps....we try to understsand.  Normal is having the insight to realize, that your MIL's son, married you b/c he fell in love with you...he adores you, you are the love of his life...Normal people realize, they're husbands love they're families just as much as the DIL loves hers....Normal is not trying to seperate one's family, but more so, encouraging some sort of common ground, establishing a bond, and learning from one another.  Normal is having a productive relationship, regardless of the fact that there were disagreements...normal is discussing the issues that hurt one another and going forward...normal is not earrasing emails and phone messages to your husband...normal is allowing and encouraging your husband to be successful with his family and to encourage quality time with them...with or without you...normal is patience, and overlooking a lot of things...normal is wanting your children to know they're grandparents...normal is respect, confidence, and being kind and not taking everything that is said as a personal attack against your personality...normal is not looking for things to blame your inlaws with or about...normal is love...love blossoms and grows; love is realizing your husband lovesx you as much and more then his mother and in a different way...normal is allowing your husband to have a conversation with his mother...normal is not sending back a birthday card with a money gift in it, just to hurt and say, your not welcome in my life, I really hate you...normal is love...growth, and allowance...normal is not pretending to tollerate your MIL in front of your husband, then when he's not within ear shot, you are curt, nasty and condiscending...normal is having a productive conversation with people...normal does not breed hate...normal is not anger...

Chickie, this post is what your words brought to mind....normal is not jealousy, and normal is not using your husband for a free ride through life, without helping him...normal does not run up charges...normal works to help your husband financially and get a job...if things are bad financially...normal doesn't say unkind words to hurt or drive away...

So, Chickie...I suppose the best idea to come to mind is, treat others as you would want to be treated...don't be so darned immature that you fear sharing your husband with his mother...and remember, your MIL can't be all that bad...you say you love your husband, well, if it were not for your MIL's. your husband would not be who he is or even married to you.  DIL's need to get over being immature and find common group with theiy're inlaws...unless they are abusive or alcholics or into drugs...that is not normal.

Big hugs Chickie...your a good MIL.

2chickiebaby

thank you, Creme....normal feels normal.  You know what normal is when you see it!!   When something doesn't feel normal, it isn't!! 

You're a good MIL too but your DIL isn't.  She doesn't like you knowing what she's done. It's pitiful.  Really pitiful!

greeneyes100

Creme and Chickie  how right you are about normal. treat others the way you want to be treated yourself.    people with NPD can not do this

2chickiebaby


greeneyes100

I really have to be strong and not come into my D blackmailing. If I do not see my grandchildren, I will still live my life in a productive manner.