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WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR 2010

Started by greeneyes100, December 29, 2009, 05:09:55 pm

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Peace

Believe me, it took me a while to get the good attitude and I still have days I struggle with it.  My ex is living on the property I inherited from my grandparents and he is being a jerk about it.  So you know I was in bad shape if I left him on my property.  That was in 2004.  I had such a hard shell around me for protection that I took myself to some intense life skills trainings that helped tremendously.  This is when I found out that I had codependent behaviors - you know - trying to fix everyone, enabling for the sake of peace.  But I found out that peace at any price is no peace at all the hard way.  With the help of friends, family, church and chatting with people who have gone through some of the same things I go through have helped me so very much!  Hopefully, I can bring some advice, quotes, etc. to help you as well.

2chickiebaby

I would appreciate any help you could give me.  I need it.  Thank you!!

cocobars

Quote from: Peace on January 03, 2010, 09:47:04 am
Believe me, it took me a while to get the good attitude and I still have days I struggle with it.  My ex is living on the property I inherited from my grandparents and he is being a jerk about it.  So you know I was in bad shape if I left him on my property.  That was in 2004.  I had such a hard shell around me for protection that I took myself to some intense life skills trainings that helped tremendously.  This is when I found out that I had codependent behaviors - you know - trying to fix everyone, enabling for the sake of peace.  But I found out that peace at any price is no peace at all the hard way.  With the help of friends, family, church and chatting with people who have gone through some of the same things I go through have helped me so very much!  Hopefully, I can bring some advice, quotes, etc. to help you as well.


Is you ex renting from you?  If not, check the laws in your state and watch out for squatter's rights.  He may be planning on taking it...

Peace

No, he just sent me an appraiser to discuss one buying the other out.  It is in the divorce decree that we must sell it and he has just now stepped up to the plate to get the appraisal done.  The place is a mess.  He is paying the taxes and insurance on it because the mortgage is paid.  My parents gifted the property to both of us many years ago -----MISTAKE!  It is such a mess, I would rather him buy me out and just be done with it.  It would cost too much money to repair everything.  It sits on five acres with another small house that belonged to my grandparents (built in 1945).  I have a friend that is a real estate attorney that said she would help me out with advice.

cremebrulee

Quote from: Peace on January 03, 2010, 09:47:04 am
Believe me, it took me a while to get the good attitude and I still have days I struggle with it.  My ex is living on the property I inherited from my grandparents and he is being a jerk about it.  So you know I was in bad shape if I left him on my property.  That was in 2004.  I had such a hard shell around me for protection that I took myself to some intense life skills trainings that helped tremendously.  This is when I found out that I had codependent behaviors - you know - trying to fix everyone, enabling for the sake of peace.  But I found out that peace at any price is no peace at all the hard way.  With the help of friends, family, church and chatting with people who have gone through some of the same things I go through have helped me so very much!  Hopefully, I can bring some advice, quotes, etc. to help you as well.


Very, VERY good post and attitude...your right, absolutely, peace at all costs, is no peace at all!  Hugs, Creme

cremebrulee

Quote from: Peace on January 03, 2010, 10:35:37 am
No, he just sent me an appraiser to discuss one buying the other out.  It is in the divorce decree that we must sell it and he has just now stepped up to the plate to get the appraisal done.  The place is a mess.  He is paying the taxes and insurance on it because the mortgage is paid.  My parents gifted the property to both of us many years ago -----MISTAKE!  It is such a mess, I would rather him buy me out and just be done with it.  It would cost too much money to repair everything.  It sits on five acres with another small house that belonged to my grandparents (built in 1945).  I have a friend that is a real estate attorney that said she would help me out with advice.


Good luck with that, I'm so glad to hear there is a real estate woman mentoring you...

cocobars

Just an idea...

Do you think you could find a handyman who would live in it, and fix it up - in lieu of rent, - when your ex moves out?  That would help you out and maybe the handyman too.  But, be sure to check references... 

Peace

Could be a possibility!  If he doesn't buy me out, then I would have to buy him out though.  Makes me so frustrated to know that I would have to put money down on property that belonged to my family, but he owns half.  We were married for over 30 years.  He is such a grudgeful, manipulative and controlling human being that he would go to any length to "screw" me because I hurt his pride by leaving him.  Actually, he left me WAY before I walked out the door.  I SHOULD have thought things through before I walked, but as I said in an earlier post, my mental state was very very bad.  And to think that he was my high school sweetheart.....what was I thinking??????  I married at 19 years old and thought I could "fix" things.  I saw red flags before I married him and did it anyway........and 35 years later..........a mess!  Okay......this is where my choice comes in......move forward and LET IT GO!!!

greeneyes100

Interesting to read your posts peace. I to went to many courses and read so many books to better my mind and thought patterns.  I to was co dependant, the rescuer, the martyer,the scapegoat etc. I played each and every role to be liked or loved. Now I must have peace at any cost not the other way around.  Every day I check my thoughts and where they are to stay in the moment.   The book   Stop Thinking and Start Living is fabulous but you must practise what it says.  All about living in the now.

Peace

Greeneyes,  I read a lot of Melodie Beattie books.  The first one I read was Codependent No More.  I also read The Language of Letting Go by the same author.  These were daily passages that helped me tremendously!  I also went to a very intensive life skills training in Fort Myers.  The first one was called the Journey,  a three day event, that taught and reminded one of tools to use to a better life.  The second event was called ALPS, a four day event, that was VERY intense.  WOW, did I learn a lot about myself!  Some of it wasn't easy to swallow, but very helpful to assist me to a better and more successful life in the future.  So many of us have so much baggage and don't know how to cope.  I learned so much and try very hard to use them every day along with keeping God first in my life.  There is so much pain we all deal with and learning how to deal with it and value ourselves is an important step to a better future.

greeneyes100

Hi Peace  yes I have read books similar to you and as you say it is amazing learning about yourself.  Until I started the courses I had no idea that my past was impacting so much on my adult behaviour, my inner child was still hurting.  I am so glad I did so much inner work on myself it really pays off. thanks for your input.

Peace

So true, Greeneyes!  The trainings brought issues I had to my attention I had no idea I had!  It finally had a name....like major codependency!  Thanks, Greeneyes!

Invisible

1. Keep my GD as much as possible.
2. Keep photos and accerate records of our visits.
3. Keep being a positive influence on my GD.