As some of you may recall, I have a really crappy and virtually non-existent relationship with my in laws because my PILs were ticked that my DH chose to marry outside his culture. We have been married five years now, and my MIL has yet to speak to me and I'm mean, not even "hello." If I say hello, she will walk out of the room and give me a nasty look.
So, anyway, I told my DH a long time ago that I wouldn't visit them at all and I haven't. I have yet to ever enter his parents house for any reason. We have seen them a few times at family gatherings at his aunts homes or at weddings, funerals, etc, but I have never gone to their house for any reason and either have my girls, who are now 4 and 2 1/2. Up until last February, the inlaws did not express any interest in seeing these two grandchildren at all and actually, when my oldest was first born, MIL advised DH not to bring DD4 around. MIL had a real hangup with having a half white grandchild.
In February, we learned that we were expecting a baby boy. That boy is due to be born any day now. In DH's culture (Vietnamese), a son of a son is a big deal. DH has one brother and three sisters and it doesn't look like his older brother is going to have a son (he only has a girl). Now that our new kid is going to be the only son of son, we are getting calls to come visit at least once or twice a week. We haven't yet gone because the one time we agreed to go, they changed the plans at the last minute. I feel like I need to agree to go for DH's sake as I know he misses his grandfather and his sisters and he doesn't like visiting without us. He has visited some without us, but he doesn't like it.
Here's my dilemma, I don't like these people. I think they are bigots and self-centered egomaniacs. They have said horrible things about me and my family despite never having even met them and I think they have been incredibly abusive towards my DH over the years. That being said, they are still his family and he wants to have normal relations with them. I have told them that we can go down and see them as long as they are civil. His sisters didn't like this position. They believe I need to put up with their mother no matter how she behaved (and yes, they have said this in emails to me), but DH agreed to my stipulation that if we went we would leave if anyone wasn't civil.
That being said, it bothers me tremendously that the only reason they are showing any interest in our family is cause of the boy and I have also told DH that they will treat our girls the same way as the boy because anything else will not be acceptable to me. Pretty much everyone I know has told me that I owe nothing to these people. However, my DH is really good guy and he puts up with a lot of family time with my side without even a peep of complaint. So, where do I draw the line? Do we leave the second their is a rude comment? If we walk in and they totally ignore the girls and focus on the boy, do we leave then? Do we wait for some rudeness? How long do we stay if they are civil? Thoughts?