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Hesitant Regarding In Laws New Found Interest

Started by foofoo, August 22, 2011, 10:54:12 am

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I agree with Luise because I worry about the dynamic between the children.  the girls will see the differential treatment and so will the boy in time.  Not good. 

But, if visits are necessary, absolutely necessary, can't they be "stop-overs?"  Even though it is a two hour trip, can you stop off on the way to "somewhere" else.  LImit the visit to 20  minutes to 1/2 hour and see how it goes?  I wouldn't wait for someone to behave rudely; I'd not give them the chance! Yes, dh can go visit by himself and stay as long as he wants.  I sure wouldn't want to encourage the differential treatment - soo soo sad.

Really a tough situation.


I get what everyone is saying here and the valid concerns, but I keep hearing foofoo say, "I want to try and do this for DH."  I think her heart is in the right place and not trying something could actually cause more resentment in their marriage later than trying something for DH and let him see for him himself if his parents are trying or treat her still with contempt.  I have done quite a few things for DH that I didn't neccesarily want to attend, but it was important to him.  He does the same for me.

I do agree there needs to be very clear boundaries with DH and you before attempting a visit to what's acceptable.  I really like the idea of trying to visit without the children first, to test the waters.  I think that even if they are attempting civility, any little thing they say is going to strike you as rude because of their past behavior, and you are going to have to try very hard to distinguish between them actually trying and something really tiny that might be said, that you would let go if you had a good relationship.  I think that will be the hardest thing. 

I do respect you very much for being willing to even consider trying again for your DH's sake.  Just protect yourself foofoo.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


I think foofoo's whole family should go together for a visit, and do it for her husband.

He has agreed to certain stipulations and has made promises to his wife.

If she doesn't like the way this visit is progressing they all can leave.

At least, then, she has shown her husband and his family she is willing to try.


That would be great RedRose - make it a family affair!


I also suggest doing an adults-only visit and see how that goes.  Maybe several.  Make sure the ILs know what type of behavior will not be tolerated in regards to being rude to you and slighting of your DDs.  You do NOT want those little girls caught in the crossfire.  It is amazing what young children will remember and how they can interpret things.

Good luck.


I don't know, I've thought of this thread often the past couple days and I don't think I could open that can of worms.  IMO, it's best if your girls are never exposed to this, even a handful of times can be traumatic to a young child.  It alters their way of thinking of themselves and IMO, it's not worth it.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift