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Not lurking anymore

Started by Lajone, July 20, 2011, 03:51:10 PM

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Pen

When in Rome...?

I'm not a fan of bodily displays, but mostly because, with the exception of a couple of weeks many years ago when I was nearly a hottie, I don't want to display mine, LOL. I think we feel uncomfortable more when older people cross a line than when the younger ones do. At family reunions some of our teens/young adults run around in clothes that are too skimpy or too revealing for their body types IYKWIM & we kind of look the other way, hoping their parents will sort them out.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

pam1

LOL Pen.  I can't remember where it was but a couple years ago there was some town in the USA that outlawed underclothes being shown in public.  I guess the trend at the time was to show them lol.

To be fair, I'm probably really off the mark with how inappropriate or appropriate this sort of thing is.  Remember my father was in the delivery room with me lol.  I'm not even sure I would have noticed.  The most uncomfortable part of it for me would have been asking to borrow a shirt, I really do not like sharing clothes.

I guess we all have our different quirks lol
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

sorrowhasaname

This is just my opinion, but I think her behavior regarding walking around in her panties was totally inappropriate, and even if it didn't bother her son, she should have immediately responded to your wishes. It is your home.

Keys Girl

Lajone, here's my advice:

Never try to teach a pig to sing, 'cause it don't work and it aggravates the pig.

I do know people who have turned into raving lunatics during menopause, the sister of a girlfriend just about lost every member of her family because her mood swings were more severe than Charlie Sheen's, but the panty incident seems beyond the pale, she should have brought her own jammies that she would have been comfortable in.  If any in-law of mine walked around the house in their underwear, I would want to call 911, on the other hand, I can't help but think that at Christmas time a package of underwear embroidered with the days of the week or Santa would make an appropriate gift, and I would give her a new box every year in her stocking.

She is who she is, she will like who she likes, if she ignores you that just totally bad manners and is a reflection of her not you.

I wouldn't waste much energy in trying to please her, and in fact I would suggest that instead of meeting at your house where she can be critical of whatever, get together at the latest "hot" restaurant in town and she can critique their cleanliness standards.  Focus on your husband and your marriage and your happiness, you can't make her happy and I don't think you should be sending energy in trying to.  That little piggie won't ever sing!



"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

sorrowhasaname

Keys Girl ..I love your reply about the Christmas Panties....that is so good!

CrystalBall

As someone near and dear to me is going through your identical situation, I'll pass along the same advice I gave her.  You come across to me as a kind and loving young woman, so is the person I know very well.  Because you are kind hearted it is difficult to understand a personality that is deliberately unkind.  People like this can be boldly manipulative in their blatant unkindness or passive aggressive type gaming, knowing it upsets you, makes you question if you are the problem, should try harder.  Your impulse is to "talk it out", make the person realize you are a nice daughter in law,and logically have a pleasant relationship moving forward.  People who act like your mother in law are illogical.  If there is any relationship, let it be saying hello when she phones and calling your husband to speak to his mother. 
I would not ask her what it is about you that bothers her as she should consider herself fortunate you don't ask her what is wrong with her.  These types like to turn the tables so give her no power to confuse you or guilt trip you with how you might improve when she is the one needing improvement.  If you think she would possibly say nothing to any inquiry of what she doesn't like about you, any passive aggressive silence would just distress you more.  Take joy in your future baby and the many people in your life that have surely remarked on your positive traits and thoughtfulness



Pooh

That or buy her a housecoat every holiday? Oh lol....I just cracked myself up!  It's gonna be one of those days!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

justanoldgrandma

LaJone, women like your FMIL is what started all the MIL jokes!  As a MIL, I would LOVE to hear dil think of my feelings and how to make the family unit work!  As the Southerners say, "Bless your heart!" and I mean it sincerely! 

Thank you for not following the exclusive MIL bashing site (and we may all know what THAT one is!)  You are genuinely trying to please dh and his family. 

There are MILs and DILs galore that want to make peace in the family and then there are the trouble makers.   Some dils and some mils want the son/dh all to themselves (jealousy) and I think that's part of it; and then there are the women of both groups who are just impossible to please. 

I'm glad you are on this site; there are a lot of suggestions and wisdom offered here and you can post to your heart's content!  Lurk no more; post!

justanoldgrandma

One poster commented on MIL cooking and cleaning w/o being asked.  It makes the dil feel like she isn't doing these chores well enough.  I have become aware of this and try to ask before I do any chore at dil's home bc of this; she plans the meals and ask what I can do to help.  In our eagerness to help, sometimes we MILs do too much and hurt the dils' feelings when the intention was to help.  Thanks for the reminder!