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I had hope and then it was dashed...

Started by QuietStorm, August 14, 2011, 05:26:50 PM

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Pen

I'm still avoiding FB. My friends insist I'm missing out, and I know I'd enjoy catching up with old friends and long lost family - but the risk for hurt is too great and I'm a big wimp.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Doe

Quote from: pam1 on September 01, 2011, 03:41:44 PM
I guess today one of my brothers girlfriends posted something that she is 6 weeks preggo. 

LOL... One of his girlfriends?   He's got some splainin' to do with the rest of them!


Pooh

Quote from: pam1 on September 01, 2011, 03:41:44 PM
Facebook just seems so full of drama, but I'm sure it's all in how it's used.  I guess today one of my brothers girlfriends posted something that she is 6 weeks preggo.  No idea if it is a joke or not, but she's got our whole family talking about it and going to check out her fb page LOL.  I even looked!  If it's true, I'm happy for them but I don't understand posting it on fb.  That's the kind of news that I'd want to share in person.

But, they aren't me.  Now I'm really going to crack up if it is all a joke which I kind of suspect it is.  My sister would leave her phone laying around all the time or forget at my house or car so I started posting statuses for her.  I guess other people do that too.

Pam, every year there is a "woman" thing that goes around on FB to raise awareness for cancer.  Last year, it made national news as women were supposed to post their bra color.  This week is awareness week again, and the one this year is to use a list that's been generated, using your birthday month and day.  The month coincides with a week and the day coincides with a candy or food! Lol.  Then you post it to your status and yes, it looks like everyone is announcing pregnancies!  Mine says, "I am 1 week and craving peanut butter cups!"

So if her status looks like that, she is probably participating in the cancer awareness week!  If it doesn't...umm....I'm with Doe, one of his girlfriends?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Belle

QuoteMost DIL's delete IL's from FB because of the spying, gossiping, and taking every post/status update personally. Not to 'stick it' to their IL's. . . just to further protect themselves so that they can freely express something without getting into trouble. For example, I posted as my status "I'm so excited for this weekend" and got into trouble with my IL's. I didn't know my MIL was leaving town for the weekend, but my MIL took it as an insult and thought I posted that because I was happy she was leaving, when in reality my DH had work off and we were planning on going to an amusement park. I also got yelled at by my MIL for a quote I had on my info page that I added 8 years ago, when I was still married to my 1st DH.

However, there are some DIL's out there that will un-friend just to be outright mean. But from what I've read most un-friend for the same reason I did.

Same here.  I hardly ever post a status update on Facebook, but boy when I did, there was hell to pay each and every time.  Every post was skewed, taken out of context, and scrutinized.  And my MIL uses FB for her own public wrecking ball, she just puts all the dirty laundry out there on FB to air out...but of course she never mentions any specific names, but its really quite obvious when she posts "I cannot believe the DISRESPECT of some people...what kind of people keep their children away from their grandparents!?!?!?!".  She posted this within an hour of a phone conversation DH had with her where he told her that she was no longer welcome in our home until she could behave better.  DH flat called her out on her post, and told her to remove it immediately, that it was not acceptable for her to air that out on FB.  She reponds "that wasn't about you.  You're so conceited, you just think everything's about you you you!" 

LOL - yeah ok......BLOCKED!   You and your little dog too!   ;D

Now her "henchmen" (mostly her nieces) have started the same crapola.  I block them at will.  Then, when they figure out they are blocked, they send nasty emails....which I report to Google as harrassment every.single.time.they.send.  and just tuck them away in a safe place...you know, in case I ever need them.    ;)

Belle

I just realized I'm a "dirt hoarder."  I've stashed away videos of MIL's tantrums, nasty letters, harrassing emails, text messages, voicemails...I'm working on a serious pile of incriminating evidence. 

Pooh

Belle, I sit back all the time at some of the peeps on my FB and their statuses and shake my head at what they put on there.  There statuses are always "woe is me" or "life is not fair" or some kind of family drama.  It amazes me that anyone would put some of the stuff they do out there. 

Although I have to admit....me and DH get the TMI comments from everyone! Lol.  He's really bad about putting something on his about me that will say something like "Zumba was fun last night, but more fun watching my wife move like she did...MEOW!"   He does that all the time and I used to get on to him because our friends were always commenting "Gross, TMI, Thanks for that image! etc."  So he quit and after a couple of weeks we started getting comments from our friends about how they missed our funny statuses!  Lol.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Smilesback@u

I think FB really gets to me sometimes.  I have been uplifted and put down by what I have read there.  I will monitor but not get into FB so much
anymore because of the rollercoaster.  It is the modern day Soap Opera, reality show bytes. 

I have to admit that I have been dirt hoarding too & just yesterday I came across some doozies.  Sad for me to have kept them and sadder to have
memories of it, but I don't think I need the reminders anymore.  So, today is CLEAN UP day.  I am going to throw out any dirt I don't
seriously need - thanks for the motivation.  (You might ask Who Needs Dir anyways?)  I do think I need to use my energy more to nurture ME. 
It is a great feeling to *clean house* and throw things away that I just don't need so I will get to it.  I really appreciate sharing my feelings here,
but really don't want to hoard.  That's true. 

Doe

Smiles-

That's a great idea.   Dirt seems to collect more dirt, doesn't it?

I feel sorry for these DILs/MILs who have their family problems hashed out on FB.   I'm not one of those!  My DIL asked to friend me, asked to label me "Mom", sent photos daily. All I really do is read what people are doing and wish people happy birthday.  Just saying not all MILs use FB to destroy their families.

justanoldgrandma

Quote from: Pooh on September 02, 2011, 07:46:56 AM
Quote from: pam1 on September 01, 2011, 03:41:44 PM


Pam, every year there is a "woman" thing that goes around on FB to raise awareness for cancer.  Last year, it made national news as women were supposed to post their bra color.  This week is awareness week again, and the one this year is to use a list that's been generated, using your birthday month and day.  The month coincides with a week and the day coincides with a candy or food! Lol.  Then you post it to your status and yes, it looks like everyone is announcing pregnancies!  Mine says, "I am 1 week and craving peanut butter cups!"

So if her status looks like that, she is probably participating in the cancer awareness week!  If it doesn't...umm....I'm with Doe, one of his girlfriends?


Pooh, I'm glad you explained this bc I was seeing on FB women craving such and such and some were waaay too old to be pg!  So now I get it; if I post something about craving, think I'll post something about it being for breast cancer awareness or I'll get some strange questions!

I have gotten off and on FB a few times bc I get paranoid about privacy/identity theft and i saw the movie "Social Network" which reinforced the "shallowness" of it all; and I hated the way it all got started.  But if people realize it's just for shallow convos and encouragement and not go baring souls and venting and such, ok. 

I still worry about posting children's pics but I'm careful about my privacy settings and am not posting much about gc; and not mentioning where they live.  I mainly want to do the thumbs up or send an IM.  To dils, I send mostly IMs and try not to post on their sites bc I don't want them to think I'm intruding; both think FB is fine to include me, so I think I'll mainly lurk and post to people from hs and college and career days and leave the young, including dils and sons, more alone.

Did "friend" my ILs just to be friendly and to do the thumbs up; but am not gonna get into personal comments on their pages..... the cousins and siblings of my dils are way too young to be my "buddies"..... FB is touchy!

BTW, I learned that identity theft is possible w FB if you give the date you were born; month and day are ok.  Also, if you are going on vacation, don't post about it till you've returned bc there are hackers out there that can find out where you live!  Yep, have heard a lot of true stories!  So I keep personal info to myself or to IMs (hope they aren't hacked.)  For personal comments/info, I rely more on emails or phone calls...... still don't trust the beast!

Pooh

Yeah, it's been funny.  The bra color thing went national last year because you purposefully were not supposed to let any men know what you were doing...same thing this year! Lol.  Of course my DH knows it's not possible for me to get preggo, so he got a kick out of it and was posting behind me, "Honey...I finally did it!  Twins???  I have their names picked out."  He's not right!

I will tell you I got a text from my YS and I'm still laughing.  It read...Oooookkkk....are you preggo or dieting?  I laughed my hiney off.  I sent back that it was a joke going on amongst women and asked if I gave him a heart attack.  He replied "A little bit" then followed that with "I knew better than you would just announce it on FB, but I thought I would ask!" 

Bless it's heart. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

justanoldgrandma

Yep, my son would die of embarrassment if he thought I was insinuating I were pg!  I thought those ladies were either pg or fasting for some cause; too early for Lent!  Couldn't figure out the craving for licorice and such!  (I recently got back on and hadn't read the joke wherever it was posted!)  When I got back on, I let FB search my email addresses for "friends" and it sent a friend request to one of my sons (maybe both.)  One doesn't post at all and has no info on his page.  One friended me; I wasn't gonna do that bc he's not a big FB fan (his wife actually posts for him!); but am not gonna post much if any on his page just bc he's a private guy easily embarrassed (maybe an IM to say, "Call us!")  Love those pm's bc people on FB tend to see messages there and don't check their email much.....

pam1

Haha, you guys are very funny!  He only has one girlfriend although he changes frequently lol.  This one is a gem though, I hope she sticks around.

And yes, Pooh..you were right!  It was the breast cancer awareness status she posted.  However, my family is still in a tizzy lol, well most of them that don't use facebook so it's the older crowd in my fam.  My Dad said my Grandpa already went out and bought cigars LOL (this is an old family tradition)
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

SunShine

I didn't have those problems with my MIL, but with my own mother. My mother was jealous of my relationship with my in-laws. I guess your MIL is jealous of the relationship your DH has with your family. I cut my mother off and I don't blame you one bit. You do have to do what you need to do to mentally to have a happy and healthy life. Until she sees that there is enough love to go around and no need for jealously, she can't play with you. It's amazing how sometimes grown adults act like children on a playground. You did what you had to do for your sanity. If she thinks that just by marrying her son, you ripped her family apart, she needs to grow up, no matter how old she is. I did it with my own mother for various reasons, but one reason was the awful jealously she had towards my DH's family. When your MIL is ready to play nice and accept you as a daughter and not as an intrusion, then you can rethink things. You're so right there.