been quiet for a while....though i need some encouragement today

[Pen]

However...I am back to work, spent my DS and DIL's house money that I was gifting them on GD's first Birthday...which ironically, the cutoff happened the day before....Anyway, I bought me a convertible sports car with it! 

Love it!

[Miss Understood]

Molly, I know what you mean about men. My DH...though he is DS's step father, however he and I were married when he was 5 and he really raised him...He could care less and actually has hatred towards him for the pain he has put on me and how it affected our lives (his life) for the past 15 months.

My DH believes my DS can't face me because he knows deep down that I didn't deserve it and how awful of a son he has been and the DIL has created this distance and he is owning it.
I agree...but, Still feel bad for DS.
The past few days I have never slept better, have not cried and have the largest sense of self respect that I have had in my whole life. MY Mother told me i was not a good mother and made BIIIIIGGGGG mistakes in my life and that is why my DS isn't talking to me. SOMETHING woke me up and said, "NO....I am a great mother and nobody has the right to tell me that." Besides my DS and his garbage...I have two daughters and 2 step sons and ALL of them think of me wonderfully and respect me. DS and MY PARENTS are the one's with the issues and I have now let go of it and stopped trying to own that it was something I did.
Molly....You didn't do this! Your DS and DIL are doing this. If it was you, you'd be apologizing, rectifying and resolving everything. They can't because this is their own selfish issues and they are not healthy minded enough or mature enough to face the truth and make things right in their lives.
Sometimes people think they are invinsible and they have all the time in the world, or they are better of lying to themselves to protect their ego and identity...however a good person, a person who has self respect, who respects others...they know they have the capacity to hurt others and should take responsibility.
In my life...my parents have never appologized to anyone and hurt people all the time. They will twist it to their benefit and then throw the axes to make everyone side with them. That is how I grew up...that is why I became a pleaser. Even at my age of almost 50...I still was trying to please them...knowing that what they were doing is wrong. Everytime I do stand up for myself or just be me...I get screamed at, belittled and degraded. Then I get the silent treatment...EVEN when they are the one's to blame. I finally stuck up for myself and again...got the phone call to NEVER call them again. (The stick up for myself was my mom wanted us to come over for a bbq on labor day with the whole family, which hadn't spoken to eachother in almost a year because of a previous issue of my mom lying and then everyone getting mad and there was violence...anyway. I told her I was not comfortable and ready to be around anyone as a whole unit yet since everything is still tender - what I mean is my mom got caught lying again when someone posted a picture of my sister with my estranged GD at my parents condo on Facebook. My mom lied and said she has not seen my DS...however, when I produced the picture she called my Sister and DIL and blamed them for stirring me up and instead of saying, "Gee, again I lied to my daughter!" she created my Sister and me to be more distant and then my DIL went even more on the attack of me and really put the lock on the door with DS. SO...No, I had the right to say I was not ready and I could not sit there and socialize with people I am not comfortable with. So...WWIII took over with them, I was told I was a horrible daughter, sister and especially mother and then scream and yell and I just woke up and said, "NO" You will not treat me this way. I did shout, "DON'T YELL AT ME ANYMORE" and hung up the phone. I did apologize for MY actions and told my mother that I am afraid of her because every time I speak to her she finds some way of insulting with me or throwing in what a disappointment to her I am and then argues. I can't communicate with her and it scares me when the phone rings. I also told her that I love her and want a relationship with her. I did tell her that I didn't agree or appreciate that she says I am a bad mother. I am not her mother and even though she sees me as a disappointment as a daughter, that doesn't define me as a mother. I know that I am a good mother. Again...said I loved her and wanted to resolve things and I would like us to talk. Yes...that is what I said and guess what??? She slammed me and cut me out of her and my dad's life again because I am erratic. This is the woman who screams uncontrollably and lies and plays games with the siblings and can never say she is sorry or make any changes. I am not erratic and I am honest. For the first time in my life...I stopped her bad tape and don't hear that anymore and really realize that is the truth! It is not true! I am not that person they see or tell me I am and I do not own their garbage anymore. I know me and that is so far from me. If one of my children ever questioned my love or told me they were afraid to talk to me because I hurt them every time we spoke....I would do something to change that. Fact is, except for DS...not one of my children ever question the magnitude of my love or support or ever go to bed feeling bad about themselves because of me. I spent almost 50 years of my life doubting my self-worth because of what my parents told me. After this thing happened with my DS...I started to get healthy in my mind and though I have bad days...I almost think that this thing with DS was a blessing to me....I love me! I never loved me before...NEVER!
Molly....Don't sell your soul to DS. Crumbs are o.k. because they are something...but if you feel bad about yourself because of that...It's not worth it and it is not right. Feel your inner soul and when you have peace...then you are doing what is best for YOU.

[Miss Understood]

PEN! I love my car!!!! I would have had this car instead of selfish children if I knew I could. I call it my happy car! I feel liberated in it and turn the stereo up loud, top down and drive until I laugh. My youngest DD goes with me and she even feels my joy. So...something good came out of the fact I didn't give them the $$ for a house...which probably was a bad idea anyway!
Funny how things happen.

[Nana]

Dear Misunderstood

In the midst of all this turmoil, you came out stronger, wiser, radiant and peaceful person.  I am impressed by your change....things get to the point when you stop on your tracks and say ënough".  Enough being hurt, enoug being belittled, enough being disrespected.  It is when you awaken to a new YOU.  A you that you never knew was inside ......a good, valuable and loving mother and daughter.   The best of all is that due to the circumstances you learned to love yourself which is essential to your soul.  You learned in a hard way, but you learned and that is very good.

Your mom is a bad mom,  she turned you for a while into  a tormented young women with no self esteem, how could anyone who suppose to love you do this.  We as mothers want our children to be happy... and do our best to make them so.   We fail many times, yes, but we try to change and make things better.    Your mother is the least person you should have contact with...she rottens your soul, she is a very.extremely toxic person in your life.  She has done a lot of damage and I feel she is to blame also of what is happening between your son and you.

MU...enjoy your car and let your hair blow with a big smile in your face, you earned it.  You are awesome.

Ruth...the end of story is not yet written as you said...there is more to to come.  You will get to see changes that will benefit you.  You will be ok...doing great. 

Molly... Dont hate your dil for what she has done to you...or to your relationship with son....hate is like drinking ppoison and hoping someone else will die.  Forgive her in order to have the peace you deserve...she does not deserve your uneasiness...or thoughts about her.  Live it to God...or to divine justice haha...love it (the karma stuff). 

Love you all ....strong women...

[molly]

You are right.  Nuns taught me not to hate. That is waste of myself. Should just thoroughly dislike.  I should get academy award for how I hide it.  I have some much to be happy for.  Great husband, all the material things I could want, good, good friends who helped me through all of this, and a wonderful family.  I am truly blessed

Thank you for your kind words of advice. 

Molly

[luise.volta]

Somthing that has helped me many times is: "I Will always love you and I will never love what you are doing." Another one is: "Hate only hurts the hater. It never affects the hated."

[molly]

Thanks, luise. You always have the right. Words.  All my affection.   Molly

[Miss Understood]

O.K....if my family drama couldn't get anyworse. My sister called me over the weekend and told me that Her, my Father and Mother all went to GD's birthday party 2 months ago. I asked my mother if she heard anything from DS. SHe said "NO" and I even played Golf with my father that morning and he didn't say one word. Why in the world does my family think that Lying to me is o.k.?
Also, I received a phone call from one of my DS's friends who said that my DS was at a party last weekend and was crying, saying he missed his mother and DIL was yelling at him to shut up and said, "Your mother is crazy!" The friend said this weighed on their heart and had to tell me that my DS is very sad and really misses me. At first I felt relief that he was thinking about me in a good way...then I got sad that he is hurting. I am glad I heard this story...I could never understand that my DS would hate me. From what I understand, all HIS friends stood up for me and encouraged him to work things out. DIL starting arguing with everyone and DS got extremely sad. This breaks my heart.
I know, I know...I was not there...However, This does sound like DS and this girl who called me has no reason to lie or to make something up.

Such a messed up situation!

[luise.volta]

It's a "he said..she said, MU." Don't listen...those who love you are not going to tell you what they feel would hurt you. Those who tell you have an agenda. Don't play into it. Sending love...

[Miss Understood]

I know. I do know.
I am so tired of being kicked like a worn out tire....
One thing this girl said to me, which made me sure she was telling the truth. She knows nothing about my parents. She said that My Son said to them that my Parents told him I went off the deep end and tried to kill myself. NOT TRUE, but the rumor my brother told to our cousin is just such. Nobody knows this stuff, it was never repeated and I wouldn't doubt that my parents told that to DS.
This girl doesn't have an agenda...she just knows that he was upset and she knows that I haven't heard from him and she wanted me to know that he DOES miss me and he is SAD.
As far as anything that comes out of my family...It's all lies and they have an agenda, their own and only their own.

I try hard to get off this merry go round and then for some reason...I get on again!
Needing support today! Encouragement maybe! Just to know that my DS misses me and still loves me helps my heart. Feeling like a failure as a daughter to parents that wear ugly glasses bothers me and sometimes I think that I am an awful daughter because I am really starting to think a permanent split with my family is eminant to my survival.

Help! does that make me a bad person. I want a relationship with my parents and siblings...but they beat me up emotionally and constantly tear me apart as a person and each and every time I speak to them...I cry for hours and don't sleep, get depressed and feel bad about myself.

[luise.volta]

Let the drama go. Focus elsewhere. Let it go, MU.

[Miss Understood]

O.k. I am letting go today! Thank you for letting me get it off my chest! I am not good at holding stuff that bothers me in. It festers and then it causes me more pain.
I am learning to let go faster. Having the support to get the painful stuff out of me helps.
Thank you

[luise.volta]

I agree. We can't let go of what we haven't faced. We can just get stuck in being right and become attached to it, if we don't watch out. I sometime have to journal in bold, large, capitalized font. LOL!

[Miss Understood]

Oh, Luise...I read back at last years Journal...I cannot believe the scribble, bold and explaination points! It would go on and on.
I am doing better....NEW stuff comes, doesn't stay too long...Which is a good thing.
I wish I didn't have this new stuff bombarding me! I need a break from it all.

[luise.volta]

"New stuff" is life, MU. When it stops, so does life. Don't listen to new stuff that isn't supportive.

When I was journaling by hand, I used to have whole pages in it with only one word on it...like "HELP!" and "NO!" Wonderful way to face and release. Sending love...