been quiet for a while....though i need some encouragement today

[Miss Understood]

Tried to get on with my life....without my Adult Son, DIL and precious GD since they cut us out of their lives. 15 months later...still the silent treatment to me, DH and his sisters....but seeing my parents (who lie about them and are not my biggest fans). Missed another birthday if my GD. They moved, blocked our phone numbers and after all that, when my parents asked him why, it was all nonsense and no real answer. "She knows what she did and u til she makes it right" is what he told them. He won't talk to me and I have no idea what I did. No, I did nothing to deserve this! It is all based on lie DIL told him according to his best friend who he now wrote off due to DIL also.
Anyway....just had a wonderful vacation with 5 of 6 grandkids, great relationship with other 4 children and this issue with my baby boy is still killing me inside and preventing me from living my life without tears each day. I do not cry all day, just moments here and there.
I really want to make contact with my son....I am torn on what to do. Obviously he has avoided me and is
Is avoiding me, but I really feel him in my spirit wanting me to love him enough to keep on....it is a mothers feeling.
What to do now? I miss him

[luise.volta]

I have thought of you so often, MU. I don't think we are ever separated on the level of spirit from our children. That said, you will keep on if you do and he will do what he does. By now, you know that your efforts are personally defeating and are met with disinterest. Sometimes we feel it is disloyal to give up. It's your call. It always has been. Sending love always...

[Miss Understood]

I know it isn't about me....I resolve everything. I just miss him and there are days I am searching for the magic way to resolve this

[luise.volta]

The magic is who you are. He can't define you unless you abdicate the right to define yourself. When you focus on what you miss, you miss what you have that is wonderful and short change those around you that deserve your best.  You are in charge of where you place your focus, MU.

I so wish I could be with you in person. You could play the piano and I would sing. 

I know this...you are a marvelous, deep, caring, understanding, bright and creative person and there is no question that you have earned so much better. It just doesn't turn out like that sometimes. You are so loved. Let it in and don't let the love that is being withheld break your heart. It really is a choice.

[Miss Understood]

I can count on you to bring my heart back to center. I am a good mom and a wonderful grandmother. Regardless of what this is, I don't deserve this horrible treatment. We just came back from our vacation home and my DS was such a big part in that place...everything reminded me of him. We did have 5 of the 6 grandkids there... It was wonderful, we all missed DS. I miss my GD dearly too. DIL... No, the things that surfaced over the past year from her indirectly just solidified that I was her target. She didn't want any other woman in my DS's life...so, what she created, I cannot fix and I do believe if he faces me, he'd have to admit his wife is a lying trouble maker. So....here I am! Brokenhearted and missing him. That is all I CAN do.

[luise.volta]

And at the same time you can love the rest of the clan with all your heart because that is who you are.

[Miss Understood]

That is what I am doing! Thanks for the encouragement! That is why I posted today.

[luise.volta]

We go way back, MU and I am always here for you. You're doing great, even when it doesn't look or feel like like it...and you are always welcome here.

[Miss Understood]

I am here often, just quiet... Which is something I am doing to change me...I always have something to say I am coping better, working better, traveling again, enjoying things....for a long time I did nothing. If you only new some if the fears and feats I conquered. I surprise myself...though I still cry for him... I can't help it, there is a part of my heart that is missing.

[luise.volta]

Of course there is that part...you're the mom. I'm so impressed with your healing process. You've come a long way.

[Pooh]

Good to see you MU.  Sorry you are having a rough time right now.  It's ok.  It wouldn't be normal if we didn't miss them.  I was so close to my GM who passed when I was 16.  It was a very hard time in my life and to this day, when a special event occcurs, I still miss her.  Something can still tear me up about her but I don't let that run my life.  She wouldn't want me too.

I will not give my OS/DIL that power.  Their behavior does not deserve that reward.  You have such a loving circle of people that do deserve you.   You are much stronger than you realize and those GC are lucky to have you! 

[not like the movies]

sending warm wishes for peace within

[Keys Girl]

I know it isn't about me....I resolve everything. I just miss him and there are days I am searching for the magic way to resolve this

Unfortunately, that magic wand has yet to be invented, and they say the universe will unfold as it should.  Perhaps one day everything will be resolved and you won't be missing him.  They will need to learn that the cold shoulder/emotional abuse isn't a way to resolve anything.  Good for you for not caving into their expectations that you will.

Take care,

KG

[Miss Understood]

Oh, I caved...for a year. I called every so often, sent a gift or card every so often...apologized for any and everything.
I got nothing back. EVER!
the games are just too much to handle. I keep hoping and praying that he will realize that I love him and I am worth more than what he is giving me.
That poor GD of mine. My 5 other's love me dearly and my other kids think I am a very loving and good mother/grandmother. Even my other children let me have the kids whenever or for whatever and don't even mind me disciplining them because they trust me.
However...this vacation I just had with 5 of the 6 kids was bittersweet. I miss my DS and I miss my sweet GD and it still feels wrong to not have her in my life and it is still so very, very hard to get through the day sometimes.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that other parent have it extremely hard and how their sorry they must feel and all the other parents that are good parents, good grandparents and they do their best and look....for what? for why? I'm sorry ladies....and for the dads/grandfather's too. My heart breaks for all of us.

[Keys Girl]

MU, I did the same kind of thing for 9 months and the humiliation and hostility got worse and worse.

I read some info recently that talked about a triangle of victim, perpetrator and rescuer.  It seems to me that the only way out of the victim role is to refuse to allow the perpetrator access to you.  That's what I've decided to do.  They can go look for a new target, it is very, very said, but allowing myself to be victimized by the one person on the planet who I brought into this world.......well......that dog won't bark anymore.

MU, all I can tell you is that life isn't fair, it's a heartbreaker at times, think of your friends who have died early from cancer and all kinds of other tragic and cruel events.......but don't spend too much time dwelling on the heartbreak, you have other children and grandchildren, rejoice in your relationship with them, and think of your son as a sheep who is lost in the woods.  He may eventually find his way home, but in my case if there isn't respect, courtesy and kindness, I'll toss his butt back into the woods in a heartbeat (and I suspect he knows that).  Your other children are treating you well, give them the appreciation that they deserve.  Enjoy the flock you have, the black sheep will have to sort it out for himself.  Some people are very stubborn and would rather butt heads against a fence than walk thought the open gate.