Adult Daughters can be so misguided in their choices

[notBFFmom]

It's hard to be happy when kids can dole out so many issues!!  My heap is Adult Daughter-21(my only bio child, raised as only child, plus only grandchild on my side) with an infant -2 months (my first grandchild, my mom's first & only great grandchild). She & baby currently (and has always) lived with me.  Love & want to protect the baby!!!  I do not like the childs father.  2 count felon, habitual criminal, currently with 3 warrants against him.  Oh, & did i mention anger mgmt. issues.  He calls me names. 

I've apparently have done too much for my daughter over the years for she is selfish to me & the family that has given her everything, but I am learning tough love thru the school of hard knocks.  Life has knocked me around before.  But I don't back down (part of my problem), however, I (plus the Great State of Texas)criminally prosecuted my Ex husband (bio) for indency with a child. (first offense with my go around, but he now resides in jail for the 2nd offense against his step grand daughters with a different wife).

I have always been an overprotective, providing, caring & concerned (at times single) mother.  BUT Today, that is a bad thing for I can't seem to quit fighting with my daughter (who is provided with shelter, food, utilities, most baby equipment, rides to & from work (was given an almost new car 2 1/2 yrs ago, which does run today due to owner/operator-I WILL NOT put anymore $$into it from my pocket) & Childcare (which I love to do), plus etc....that I am forgetting at no cost to her.  Her saving grace....she is a good momma, but in love with someone who scares me, but remember, I rarely back down.  All comments, concerns, advice & clarifications are greatly appreciated... All you struggling moms understand where I am coming from.

Sorry for the length of this rant (I'm New to this Forum, But already I appreciate it) but this is my condensed version.  Thanks for understanding & listening to my views.

[luise.volta]

You need to  reread our Forum agreement...your post needs to be modified (and will be by the Moderator on your Board) and you need to select a new User Name, please. When fully prepared to consciously join our community, come back.

[notBFFmom]

I don't understand were I posted something wrong.  Please clarify.  I could not locate the forum agreement.

[notBFFmom]

Why is my username bad?

[Pen]

It's not! Just a misunderstanding.

The Forum Agreement is on the home page under Open Me First. It will explain why I am modifying some stuff in your post.

In the meantime, welcome. I hear your frustration and I hope you stick with us even though we have to modify some stuff.

[pam1]

notBFFmom, welcome

The Forum Agreement is in the category "Open Me First."  If you go to the home page you'll see the link.

I did modify your post, if you read the Forum Agreement you'll understand why.  The rules Luise have decided on have proved to keep WWU running as smoothly as possible and not alienating others.  We all understand wanting to vent and remember our first few days here being very emotional.  Don't worry, just read up on the rules and I'm sure you'll be fine.  Again, welcome.

Is your username abbreviated from "not best friend forever mom?"

[pam1]

Hey Pen, I think I got most of it. 

[Pen]

I saw that...we'll have to call you "Quick Draw Pam" now!

[luise.volta]

I apologize for my obvious frustration. It seems so simple to me that Open Me First means open me first. And User names that are just letters often leave too much to the imagination. Sorry.

[pam1]

Haha Pen.

Luise, is it bad that I really, really want to know what you thought it meant?  LOL.

[luise.volta]

No. It is bad that I thought it.

[petunia2]

Is it bad that I have nothing to do with it and I'm trying to fugure it out 

[luise.volta]

Naw...it's in our genes.

[petunia2]

Dear notBFFmom,
You have expressed many frustrating issues in your post.  I'm sorry that you feel you are at your Witt's end.  I do know the feeling intimately.  I think you need to decide what you can do realistically to change things and what you can not.  We can not force our children to do what we want no matter how hard we try or how right we are.  Sometimes they just have to fall on their butts all by themselves.  You can despise her choice of men but she will choose who she wants.  If you hate him she might like him even more.  Just try to provide a safe, stable place for her and the baby to be. That doesn't mean you need to be a door mat.  21 yrs old is not always grown up yet.  That 2 month old needs you no matter what may or may not come to pass.  My heart goes out to you and I hope you can resolve some of your concerns and focus on your daughters, grandchild's and your best interests.  I wish you all the strength you will need and don't forget to take care of yourself too.