Chose the Bad mom Badge..willingly

[not like the movies]

I spent most the day white knuckling it. I did a lot of reading here...a lot! Thank heaven you women know how to post a plenty. It kept me from responding to nasty e-mails from my daughter. So I guess I should say white fingertipping it!  Thank you Thank you Thank you all! I made it with your help. I was an awful mother/grandmother yesterday. It was my grandsons 5th birthday. He has been used as a pawn for the past five or so months. His mother is really angry at me for things I have lost track of. I know it is not me. She is going through a crazy time as many young folks do. So I decided to drive to her apartment unannounced and drop off my grandsons gift. Well that stirred up a hornets nest. She was cold but did let me see her son and deliver a gift. She was snippy, rude, and very upset she could not control it all. We stayed 10 minutes just enough time to get a hug, give a hug and stoop down to my grandsons level, look into his eyes and say "I think about you everyday". Then we left as swift as we came. My husband said "Oh she is really mad". It was not thirty minutes before the text and e-mail rants began making it all about her and how I did it to upset her. Not one minute or thought was about her when I made the decision to deliver the gift.. The reason I did not call was history. I get no call backs, I am told my grandson is busy, has other plans. or I am ignored. I did not trust that I would be able to see him. I have never done that before. I did not want him to think I forgot him or his birthday. I have sent cards/gifts before she withholds. So of course I "ruined her memories of her sons birthday".
Now keep in mind had I ignored his birthday all together I would have been a bad grandmother. I suppose I opted yesterday for the bad mom badge. Thanks again for this site. It was my therapy today. And I especially like the fee.

[Mom b Gone]

Boy I can sure relate to your story and feel your pain.  My daughter doesn't answer her phone as she is way to busy in her world. I get greeted with what are you doing here Mom, in a very annoyed tone. So I tell her, you never answer your phone and I wanted to bring something by either for her or my teen GD.
I also am am paying the price for 40 years ago and I so thought it would stop by now.  But I think she likes this control and I am finally starting to see less and less of them because I don't enjoy pushing myself on anyone let alone my daughter and GD. It is hurtful and thoughtless but were not alone out here with our feelings.
I don't think your a bad mom.  You wanted to see you GS and let him know you loved him on his special day. If you hadn't, would you even have been invited over? I haven't ever been to a party for my GD and she is a teen now!
Just keep sending cards and or gifts or dropping them  off so I know they get there.
I think you did OK because what choice do they give us?

[pam1]

Notlikethemovies, just a question.  Why not mail the gift?

[not like the movies]

He would not have gotten it. I have mailed items, cards, gifts, books they don't give him.

It was a gigantic teddy bear that Costco sells. Too big to mail. Check them out. They are wonderful.
I bought one for me too!

I wanted to see him face to face, hug him, let him know I desire to see him and be with him. More personal in person. Some history: My grandson was at our home on the average of three days a week for the past five years. He spent one overnight weekend a month here before the punishment of not seeing him began.

[Pooh]

What's the old saying, if you are going to accuse me of something then I guess I should be doing it?  Well, I gues if she's going to accuse you of being the "bad mom" then it wouldn't have mattered what you did, you were going to earn that badge anyway.  I say, good job!

[not like the movies]

Thanks Pooh....the good part for me was to deliver that gigantic teddy bear my grandson had talked about wanting for awhile. I have never ever just dropped by before. 

the e-mail note that followed wasn't even about me coming by to drop of the gift. It was about how I said something negative at my sons recent wedding reception to her dad about her mothering. Her dad came up to me at the reception to make an amends for his behavior during our marriage. He got side tracked talking about his favorite subject Himself! On and on he went until I politely interrupted and asked what he thought of our son getting married and his new daughter in law. He had not seen his son in years and only wanted to tell me how wonderful he is. I listened to that already for years so I was done with that. I never once mentioned my daughters name or grandsons name during that conversation. As a matter of fact I only got one sentence in. The entire exchange was 10 minutes. He the repeated a conversation to my daughter but it was one that never took place! He has successfully pitted her against me for years now. I stopped defending things I never said or did years ago. Prior to the wedding he told her I use to do the drug meth. I don't even know what it looks like. I am 54. It was not even around in my dad. So meth is one thing I do even though I am accused of it anyway   

[Pen]

NLTM, if it wasn't so sad it would be hilarious...

I was blamed for DS's poor eating habits in college due to my healthy menu plans when the kids were still at home. In the same day I was blamed for being too lenient and too strict. What? I think sometimes when people need to justify their beliefs or agendas they'll use anything.

[myree]

wow nttm, so many similaraties to me also exept i get the abuse over mobile phone (i am an aussie) i have had my grand daughter used against me and my hubby more than once , luckily my grandies dad knows how much we love our gdaughter and he knows that we are good people i have been called c words a prostitute ect ect by my daughter i dont reply any more . just today my daughters boyfriend kicked her out again beacuse she wont work she facebooks all day never cleans cheats openly to g babies dad and for some reason it was my fault again ...so bored it,s been going on 5 yrs but got worse when she had my 2 yr old grandaughter.i see no end insight, you are amongst friends