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What do you think are realistic expectations for grandparents t

Started by Smilesback@u, July 02, 2011, 07:52:15 AM

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luise.volta

If I did stilettos. I would have to arrive in a wheel chair because no way could I stand up!  ;D ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Smilesback@u

Quote from: luise.volta on July 03, 2011, 10:24:58 AM
I don't go into other women's kitchens and offer to help because I have always felt insecure about my skills in that department and don't want them exposed. What comes from that is judgment about my sitting in the living room...and it is much worse than it would have been about not slicing and dicing correctly. None-the-less, I can't go there.

Just another point of view. All of it is deeply rooted in my experience of my mother's slavery (my concept) and my early-on determination not to follow in her footsteps.
Oh luise, I also am a product of our generation, and I wanted to do as much as I could do - manage the house and work too.  Some of what I interpret is going on sounds alot like the Aesop's fable of the little boy who cried wolf - help, help, help me.  We did help too every new parents needs help -- we were doing household repairs, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, babysitting with open hearts every time we visited, and with no expectations.  Now, I can see they are good parents, mature and managing pretty doggone good of the 2 and 4 yo GKs.  And really how hard is it to be a stay-at-home Mom with GKs in full time daycare anyways? I was told by my son that they have decided they will not be visiting us unless they can leave the GKs for a week so they can get a much needed vacation. Read my lips - "No" ...so I replied that maybe when they are older, they can come for summer.  I don't know, am I being heartless?  I feel decrepit.   :-\     

luise.volta

Heartles, hardly! You are evidencing self-respect. If we don't have it, respect will never come our way. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

amflautist

Quote from: Smilesback@u on July 03, 2011, 11:49:42 AM
I was told by my son that they have decided they will not be visiting us unless they can leave the GKs for a week so they can get a much needed vacation. Read my lips - "No" ...so I replied that maybe when they are older, they can come for summer.  I don't know, am I being heartless?  I feel decrepit.   :-\   

Leave the kids with GPs for a "much needed vacation" indeed!  How on earth did those of us without GPs for the kids ever make it through the wash?  DH and I took the kids on vacations with us.  I can't remember even 1 day without the responsibility for full care of the kids.  Vacations were usually a week or two at a cottage where the kids could run with the neighbor kids while DH and I sat on the porch, or the beach, and watched. 

As I listen to the conversation here, I am forming my plan. 
1.  No way will  I take care of gc for the purpose of relieving the parents so they can vacation.  If I spend a day, or week, or summer with gc, it will be because I want to do it and because I initiated it.
2.  I don't clean other folks houses.  Don't even clean my own if truth be told.
3.  When I visit gc, it will be with fab activities in mind.  I don't want gc to think of grammie as mommie's helper, and so these activities will be out of the home. 

Smilesback@u

Quote from: luise.volta on July 03, 2011, 12:15:41 PM
Heartles, hardly! You are evidencing self-respect. If we don't have it, respect will never come our way. Sending love...
Wow, thank you Luise,  a lot!  I am working on self-respect.  Amen!  I need to keep my head about me, not get angry when my buttons are pushed.  I figure if I have thought about it, and know what I will and won't do, I will not get my feelings hurt...just compromise and negotiate.  Thanks again for your loving thoughts here - sure helps!

Smilesback@u

Quote from: amflautist on July 03, 2011, 12:19:41 PM
Quote from: Smilesback@u on July 03, 2011, 11:49:42 AM
I was told by my son that they have decided they will not be visiting us unless they can leave the GKs for a week so they can get a much needed vacation. Read my lips - "No" ...so I replied that maybe when they are older, they can come for summer.  I don't know, am I being heartless?  I feel decrepit.   :-\   

Leave the kids with GPs for a "much needed vacation" indeed!  How on earth did those of us without GPs for the kids ever make it through the wash?  DH and I took the kids on vacations with us.  I can't remember even 1 day without the responsibility for full care of the kids.  Vacations were usually a week or two at a cottage where the kids could run with the neighbor kids while DH and I sat on the porch, or the beach, and watched. 

As I listen to the conversation here, I am forming my plan. 
1.  No way will  I take care of gc for the purpose of relieving the parents so they can vacation.  If I spend a day, or week, or summer with gc, it will be because I want to do it and because I initiated it.
2.  I don't clean other folks houses.  Don't even clean my own if truth be told.
3.  When I visit gc, it will be with fab activities in mind.  I don't want gc to think of grammie as mommie's helper, and so these activities will be out of the home.
You might be the lucky one and not have all this drama -- look what you are missing?   ;)


Sheen

Hi Smiles,
It is a hard situation living so far away so that every visit involves someone sleeping somewhere other then their own home.  I live in Sweden and have two daughters in the states, one with a daughter and one with dogs lol  When I make the trip back to the states, it always feels like the thought process is Mom's coming I can get a break.  I don't see my gd very often so I don't refuse but its hard when you don't know their schedules or habits or what they are allowed or not allowed to do. 
I don't really demand that they give up a bedroom but I do require a tv no matter where I end up sleeping lol. 

Smilesback@u

Hi Sheen, that's interesting, a long away from home.  How do you manage to let go of not seeing them very often?  How do you give your daughters breaks?  I raised sons and taught them to do for themselves, and not to expect me to do it for them.  Is it different raising daughters? 

luise.volta

What you did reaising sons sounds pretty "different" to me. Wonderful!  :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

o.b.sikhquus

Quote from: luise.volta on July 02, 2011, 08:51:20 AM
I wonder sometimes if there is such a thing as reasonable expectations. I think what works best it to have no expectations at all. Simple but not easy...at least not for me. Sending love...

I am going to try to follow your advice "to have no expectations at all", but it probably won't be easy for me either.

luise.volta

Welcome - Is there a story that goes with that cute picture under your User Name?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

o.b.sikhquus


luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Smilesback@u

Have you seen those new ones that a car pulls, cute little jobbies - can't think of their name off the bat now.