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Help....Do I let them know how we feel..????

Started by Goldenmom13, June 30, 2011, 05:53:08 PM

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lancaster lady

Dear Pen :
don't give up on your DS , he might need you one day .
do you think he knows how you are feeling these days ?
I know these last two years have been hard for you , but I don't think he wants you out of his life .
Please don't let her win , and fight for your GK's ......shout louder , then they can't ignore you !
Sending Hugs ..... :)

Pooh

Your a dear, sweet women Pen.  Hang in there!  There is a whole life waiting on you out there!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

Thanks, guys. It's a journey.

Amflautist, the last time my name and David McCullough's were in the same sentence, a librarian had sent an overdue notice, lol. Wow, what great company I'm in - McCullough, Charlie Rose, and all of you WWU! ;D
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Ruth

The feelings of rejection are just so acutely painful.  We are so tender toward our children, whatever their age, and to feel that we are no longer important or relevant is the hardest thing in the world for me to come to terms with.  I really doubt if your DS and dil even have a clue what they are doing to you emotionally, pen.  It seems people have to 'grow a soul' before real empathy kicks in, and this usually comes either with age or with getting enough punches from life that you learn to stop and think.  I encourage you one mother to another to try and not catastrophize this situation.  Goodies lose the appeal with age and maturity.  Then wisdom and life experience become more valuable.  I can't erase the pain I feel from my own child's rejection, but I can keep telling myself when it hurts the most that my job is done now as a parent and the ball is in his court.

Pen

Nice post, Ruth.

You know, I don't want to parent him any longer but I would love to discuss topics in his field with him. He and I shared many interests, one of which ended up being his major in college. I guess I just miss him, the way I'd miss any close friend or relative who moved away, with the added emotion of being his mom.

It's not that he's rejected us, it's that we've been replaced. Like comfy old worn out shoes you keep around even after you've bought the flashy new Christian Louboutins (well, so I've heard...I've never had the pleasure.)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Rose799

No, you're wrong, Pen.  You could never be replaced & ds knows that, too.  He may think it's greener on the other side of the fence at this moment.  But he'll eventually learn, as the majority of us do -- "the best things in life are free..."   :)

Pooh

I am also a firm believer that everything comes with a price.  Someday, there will be consequences to them "lumping in" with DIL's FOO.  This sounds horrible of me, and I am sure there are some people in the world that have tons of money that sincerely help people out of the goodness of their hearts and expect no payback, but I think they are few and far in between.   I have yet to meet one personally.  The ones I know demand loyalty and undying committment.  They are used to buying people just like they would a fancy car.  They make them possessions.  That's not love, that is greed and an unhealthy need for admiration.

I would rather be loved for who I am, not what I can do for someone any day over that.  You don't realize Pen that you are the one that DS truly loves.  You actually are much richer than DIL's FOO could ever dream of being, because DS loves you for you.  Someday, he will tire of having to admire FOO and the novelty will wear off.  It doesn't make you feel less rejected right now, but I truly think in time it will get better.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

amflautist

Lovely post Pooh.  Very comforting.  Thank you.

luise.volta

Lessons abound, Pen...for both of you. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama