September 27, 2020, 06:35:59 pm

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Heartbroken what did I do wrong.

Started by Doulton, June 14, 2011, 10:55:48 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Doulton

Hi everyone I've been up most of the evening in tears and came across this site I've kept my pain and embarrassment I guess for years I am 49 with 3 adult children and granddaughters my middle son of 29 and youngest daughter of 25 who also has a new baby girl have treated me contempt now for years .I keep telling mysel yes I made mistakes when they were younger but I learnt from them and have always felt even to this day I've been a fantastic mum and try to always be there and help and trust me over the years they have certainly had my love and support my family meant and means the world to me as mine wasn't to great but my mum did the best she could having a ec husband that was an alcoholic and use to beat her and me being the eldest I love my mum with all my heart and she did the best she could at a time in our world there wasn't to much help around for us.so because of that I was a mum in every way that wasn't there for us if you like .sorry this is abit long winded it's been a long time coming and I truly thought I was on my own.reading some of these has been a problem shared so to speak.my eldest daughter with our 10year old granddaughter is our world and she is always caught on the middle of this and I see what it does to her also.I wonder if I did to much always solving there problems just being there at times when things went wrong helping furnish there first homes as well as finding them my son at 17 was caught by my husband their step dad who they do respect smoking drugs in the house it was kept from me but my son was told do not do this again or you will have to find somewhere else to live well he did there was a confrontation and he was told to leave my husband is also a police officer.to this day it is thrown in my face used as to why I'm an unfit mum not once has my son taken responsibility for his actions just always how bad and not there I've been that just breaks my heart as I look in the mirror and say all the time to myself when my times up I can go with my head held high he doesn't work and hasn't done since about aged 19 ten years ago he feels I should be there no matter what he does and that's what a mother is I just struggle daily now with this I don't have anyone there for me as my husband is away in the military we get a good week then when he has a bad week I get sworn at for telling him to get his life back I want to scream at times I'm not the one who's let you down you have let yourself down and where are you for me but all I'd get back would be more abuse how it's always about me this has been going on for over ten years I lost my younger sister two years ago even at the funeral he wasn't speaking to me I'm just constantly heartbroken when they were younger we were so close he says we went but photos and memories don't lie I still think the drugs changed him he is not on them now but now suffers from panic attacks.I keep coming back for more when he needs me for it to happen again a week later my world is my family there is no reason why it should be like this and after losing my sister this is just heartbreaking now I feel the rest of my life will be destroyed and others ruined with regrets when to late god forgive me but do I walk away and how?but I fear it's not got to the point where I feel I don't want to be here with the pain I'm in it doesn't go away no matter what .then my youngest daughter moved away last year a year ago and just cut us out of her life the last time I saw her I took her and her friend out for a meal then she stopped contacting me moved to USA from uk got married and had a baby girl for us a second granddaughter I emailed her and pleaded tell me what I've done she never would tell me never told us or invited us to her wedding never shared her pregnancy with us my husband just switches of but is very hurt she recently a year down the line email nd it just said hay let's forget what's happen so we email no kisses no I love you mum nothing cold and callous all she wants is genral chit chat when I ask anything as you would about her life I get that's to much right now I'm so confused so right now torn between anger pain why I'm so lost so hurt cn anyone advise on what to do all I know right now is I really don't know how much more I can take I live away from them now and come back regular to see them and be with my mum I never have a person who will collect me from the airport am now at my mums having only seen my elder daughter yet me son drops her of they have taken from us for years and years we never get anything back my son tells me they have been good children don't disrespect me I feel this is it but I'm so exhausted right now and worried what this is going to do to me one day do I really need to let go and of so how do I do that there fathers walked away at birth never saw them never paid a penny I became both parents for many many years until I meet my wonderful husband now who only god knows why he's stuck around they went without nothing love support everything please point me in the right directionx

lancaster lady

Hi Doulton and Welcome to WWU !

You certainly have a had a rough few years , but there still are some positives in your life .
You have to concentrate on these and look forward , you can't change the past .
I know when you are going through the pain , it's hard to know which direction to take .
To preserve your own sanity , you must live your life now how you want it to continue .
Your children are making their own lives , you must concentrate on yours .
These ladies of this forum will have loads of advice for you , keep posting .

Pen

Welcome, Doulton. I'm glad you found your way here, but sorry you need us :( I agree with LL. You've had a lot to deal with, a lot to sort through. When the issues are big, such as spousal abuse, divorce, stepparenting, drug use, etc. it may never get completely untangled, IMO, but you can still live a full and happy life with your DH. It may be different than the one you'd hoped for, but it can still be good. Keep reading and posting.

If you haven't already done so, please take a minute to read the Modified Forum Agreement and the other information about the site under Open Me First at the top of the home page. Your post is fine, but we like everyone to know the site policies.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Welcome, D. The "right" direction for many of us is to turn our focus in another direction. You were a whole person before you became a parent and you can become whole again. Start looking for the opportunity to be kind to yourself and DH and find ways to promote self-love. When you shift your focus from what you can't have to what pleases you...healing can come. You are more than a parent...you are a person. You are in charge of your well being...others aren't. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Welcome D.  You have been through alot and it's hard to realize who we were prior to being parents.  That's the person you have to find now and love.  Do something for yourself, you deserve it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Star

Welcome,

Sorry to hear that you have been put through so much, it is really good that you have  opened up and spoken about your pain, that is really positive, be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Big hugs. :) :)