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Need some perspective

Started by Jillinthesky, June 21, 2011, 07:13:03 pm

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Pooh

Get me one too LL and I'll give you your money back  ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

I love this saying..."What you think of me is none of my business."  ;)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

elsieshaye

LL, I don't have a thick skin either.  I've had to get kind of ruthless about only surrounding myself with people who don't tear me down.  In two months and 28 days, DS turns 18 and then I can block the ex from my email and phone.  I'm looking forward to the blissful silence.  (Putting him in a spam filter is "practice" for that moment, since I can periodically check my spam filter to make sure nothing went in there that I really have to know about.)

Luise, I love that saying too.  I really like thinking about the mean stuff people sometimes say as "gossip" rather than feeling like I need to know everything that's said about me so that I can protect myself from it somehow.  It's really freeing to realize that I don't have to do that.
This too shall pass.  All is well.

pam1

Jillinthesky, I learned the hard way too.  It's harder trying to start over once we've done this.  Right now I'm being blamed as well, somehow I magically turned DH away from them.  It does feel like all the "good" I did was for nothing, I'm going to be blamed no matter what.  The hard part is trying not to care about it. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Nana

I use to care a lot of what people said about me...more if it was untruth.  It would make me sleepless.  I dont care  anymore.....waters take its level....the truth will always comes out.   I now care of what the people I love think about me..... We will never pleased everyone...no matter what we do....

Love
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

luise.volta

i will never be good at it...(taking criticism.) Something deep within me always thinks there must be a logical base for it. However, I am getting a lot better. If all else fails, I ask someone close to me if they find any truth in it and get the validation I need to move past it. If I get an affirmative answer, I can take it and work through it when it's with someone I love.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Constructive, supportive critique vs. negative, snarky criticism - I find the former helpful and the latter devastating.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

And, unfortunately, I have know those who thought the later was the former.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Jillinthesky

Another thing I think comes into play is the concept of "right fighting."  I have a bad habit of trying to get the offending party to see that they have done something wrong and I am "right" to be hurt/offended. Usually it's a wasted effort.  I cannot tell you how much better outside party validation feels.  Thank you everyone!

Nana

Jill...You look a lot like me.  I always feel the need to let the person who wrong me to know they were wrong and I was right....indeed....useless effort.  Now there is a saying...do you want to be right or happy?   Some need confrontation of facts....some just run away from confrontations...even if it means losing a relationship  or friendship....it is that we are all so different.....  But at the end of the day....those of us who need to change people are those who suffer more. 

God Bless You

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

alicewonder007

She will NEVER like you. It's her fault not yours. It sounds like there are a myriad of things about you that she does not approve of. This should come as no suprise as she seems very small and closed minded. That is unlikely to change. As for your children....it matters much less that they see the way the in laws treat the two of you and much more about how they see you handle it and treat each other.  Focus on the relationship with your husband and your family unit. Seeing your father's treatment has given you a wonderful and loving sensitivity that is demonstrated by your large efforts to be a good DIL. Sometimes the best lessons we learn are from seeing others bad behavior. My half brother's and I  had terrible, drunk, selfish, neglectful and abusive mothers. They are all amazing parents and I have spent my life working with children. We agree that we learned a lot about parenting by reflecting on how terrible the things our mothers did were and then doing the complete opposite of their example.  As for all the talking about you and DH by her and friends....see if you can arrange get to-gethers that consist of activities and constant movement like playing ping pong, yard sales, chasing the kids around the park, or canoeing; or loud ones like a trip to the circus, sporting event, swimming pool, ChuckECheese, theme park,or bowling alley. It's hard to talk about others when you are busy breathing heavy, too focused on something else, or simply to loud. It's hard for kids to hear what is being said when they are busing running around and playing as well.  ;)

tryingmybest