Anniversary of My Son's Death

[lancaster lady]

Luise:

Sending hugs to hold you tight , to keep you warm throughout the night .
Don't be sad , and don't be blue ,
'Cos you're in my thoughts the whole night through .......

[Star]

Hi Luise,

I am a newbie, and have just seen your post about your son, that must be so difficult, sending you big hugs.

[Ruth]

I have only just found this post, Luise.  I know little or nothing about the history of this website, and the names are only just now becoming familiar to me, but every time I see your face it lights up my life.  You are a pillar of strength and hope to many people who get even just that sentence of encouragement and wisdom that only you can so uniquely provide.   Some hurts won't be healed in this lifetime Luise.   That we may finish out our days here walking with a limp, or with a blot on the soul - maybe we think it is a blot on what should have been an otherwise perfect portrait, but I think its just the old weavers story, you know looking at the back of the tapestry rather than the front.  Losing a child through death or estrangement is not a wound that recovers.  There is nothing natural about it and therefore no way to come to perfect terms of peace with it.    I believe my inability to come to terms with this kept me debilitated with depression for so many years, as I have gotten older and hopefully a little wiser, I am finally willing to live alongside my hurts and disappointments.  If I can learn to tolerate the eruption of feelings of sadness on a less and less frequent basis, I feel I am winning.  The load is lighter when other like wounded souls bare their own wounds in an effort to help me come to terms with mine.  My faith now in the absolute love and goodness of God also sustains me, and during those times of deepest sadness I curiously feel the oddest sense of comfort.  Thank you for giving so much of yourself and being willing to put yourself on the line, even to the point of sharing your photograph.  I will say a prayer for you. 

[luise.volta]

Ruth - Thank you. I am the owner of this site and therefore have never felt the need to be anonymous. My son Kirk is the Webmaster. It's a joint venture.

You are doing a great job of having it be how it is and getting that you still have choices. Sending love...