DIL with Bulemia/Control Issues - Any suggestions?

[Pen]

Welcome, Twilight. People come here due to very painful, frustrating situations. It's understandable that the occasional snarky comment will be made, but we do try to keep them in check.

Trying, you are a class act, thanks for apologizing. You're right, inflammatory comments are not common here as our gazillions of past posts will show.

[pam1]

Ouch. I'll stop reading for now...tell me...are the inflammatory statements common here? Shame.

Welcome Twilight

Please read the Modified Forum Agreement under the category Open Me First if you haven't already done so.  We ask all new members to do so, not b/c there is anything wrong with your post.

Snarky comments happen sometimes, not enough to be called common IMO.  We all have good and bad days and we try to take it easy for the most part. 

[pam1]

No they are not and I was out of line, long day.

Hope it gets better, thanks for explaining.  We're hear if you want to post another thread about it -- we're here.

I thought Surfinbirdy had a lot of good points and questions.  Different points of view help further discussion and progression IMO.

[twyla]

Out of curiosity, if I said, "The MILs are back, I see... " would it be tolerated and passed off "as a bad day" due to pain and frustration on my part?

That was an explanation, but it was not an apology to Surfinburdy, who did nothing wrong. It also wasn't an apology to a reading DIL or MIL who might be offended. Twilight didn't do a thing wrong other than run away, meanwhile a member comes in and chastises him or her because snarky comments are okay once in awhile. One bad apple spoils the bunch. Then the perpetrator is patted on the had can called a "class act." More snark. What a welcoming committee!

I'm a cutoff MIL and I see a problem here. If I said something like that, I could understand why DIL has chosen to take the path she has in our non-relationship. I know when I read the same statements about MILs on the other sites I visited, I wanted to cry. No matter what DIL has done, I can do better. If not, I'd only be reinforcement for her (or another reading DIL)  to solidify an inaccurate perception of the world. I would be making her right (and that is the last thing I want to do). I can't fix DIL, but I can fix myself, and she is not to blame for my reactions, I am. I refuse to let that young woman make me bitter.

Being tolerant of intolerance does not make you someone who understands or who is open-minded, it just makes you an enabler.

[jdtm]

Everyone - let's not make "mountains out of molehills".  Frankly, I don't what everyone is talking about (maybe it's because I'm new to the site).  "the MILs are back" - "ouch I'll stop reading for now" - "yes it did sound snarky" - I really did not understand "why" for any of the previous statements; so I just ignored them.  I guess none were meant for me.

[Pooh]

We strive here for a diverse group of individuals that can have meaningful conversations on subjects.  People are looking for support, suggestions, advice and hopefully a different perspective.  People do make mistakes and we try to resolve them and move on.  It is when someone does not move on and continues to break the forum rules, it becomes a problem. 

We do our best not to generalize here about DILs, MILS, DDs, DSs and so forth, but everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes.  Tryingmybest said something out of line, surfinbirdy let her know she was offended, and tryingmybest admitted she was out of line.  End of story and now we move on. 

Twyla, please take a moment to read the "Modified Forum Agreement" under "Open Me First".  We ask all new posters to read this.  Welcome to both you and Twilight.  I encourage you to read plenty of the threads and not take this one thread for how this forum works.  You will find that this is not the normal here, but that we all admit we are human.  I hope you share your stories with us when you are ready.

Now back on topic....Blind-Sided, my mother crotchets too and it's a skill I didn't inherit.   I'm glad you have several outside activities to keep you busy and that you are doing things for yourself.

[lancaster lady]

I wouldn't take offence if someone said ''the MIL's are back ''.
'Cos you can't get rid of us ......

[Pooh]

And there's the LL I know and love! 

[lancaster lady]

Hiya Pooh :

Having health probs ....so not my usual chatty self ......Hope you are fine ....
Couldn't resist that one liner ......

[Pooh]

I hate to hear that LL and I truly hope you feel better soon.  Keep me posted when you feel up to it. 

[Rose799]

I, too, hope you feel better soon, LL.   Did you get the results on your tests, Pooh? 

[luise.volta]

LL, whatever is going on, we're in your corner! Sending love...

[Pooh]

Thanks for asking Rose.  They called yesterday.  Negative for Lupus which is excellent, but back to square one.  He said he wants to retest in a year because if the groove thing is autoimmune, it will eventually show up in the blood.  Frustrating, frustrating.  Went to my MD appointment Wednesday and was very dizzy while I was there, which is not one of my normal things.  So they hooked me up and my heart rate dropped to 50 (normal is 68ish for me).  That bugged him so I got to wear a monitor for 24 hours.  Haven't heard back from that yet but he said if my heart rate was ping-ponging like that, that would be enough to cause the fatigue, headaches, chest pain and some more of my symptoms, but not the goove.  If it wasn't for this ugly line down my arm, I would think I was turning into a hypochondriac. 

[luise.volta]

Pooh, what a difficult situation to not know what the heck is going on. And there's no way you could ever get into hypochondria...you are too awake, aware and up front. Sending love...

[elsieshaye]

LL and Pooh, I'm thinking my best strong and healthy thoughts at both of you.