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Good Afternoon

Started by cremebrulee, November 30, 2009, 09:51:54 AM

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Pen

Had the same thought - something seems 'off' here. I hope I'm wrong, but that's the vibe.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

SunnyDays09

Quote from: penstamen on December 02, 2009, 07:14:45 AM
Had the same thought - something seems 'off' here. I hope I'm wrong, but that's the vibe.

Will be on the lookout for 1milwhosreal now.   ;D

AnnieB

Yep ditto.... although I thought the poster sounded vaguely familiar, just.. not quite right...

cremebrulee

December 10, 2009, 11:50:03 AM #18 Last Edit: December 10, 2009, 12:06:38 PM by cremebrulee
Quote from: 2chickiebaby on December 01, 2009, 03:07:46 PM
No, no, no!  This doesn't always happen.....sometimes you get a really nice Daughter in law who doesn't act like this.  They are never on internet boards, though. 

We don't want to be right....I can speak for all of us, we wouldn't wish this on our worst enemy.  It's too painful. 

You most likely didn't do anything wrong....first of all, after 16 years, I've come to realize that you just get a lemon sometimes.  You haven't lost him.....he's still there, just hidden for the time being.  He'll wake up but don't beat yourself up like we have in the meantime.

Just give us a little time; we're afraid, I think you've seen us talk about some DILs from the past who treated us with really unbelievable cruelty.  We want to help you but need to be sure..... :)

We are lucky here, though....Luise will not allow it. 

Good wishes to you and let us know if we can help.

Not every son leaves his mother mentally...but, yes, all of our sons leave when they marry...and life as you knew it will never be the same...it hurts awful and is so despairing when a son marrys a jealous dysfunctional selfish insecure person...but as I said before, if you fight it, you will end up more alone then you've ever felt before.  There is really nothing you can do.  One of my cousin's went thru this in the beginning, she told me she vowed to herself, that she would never ever be anything but a lady, b/c someday, she knew she'd have grandkids...so, she sucked it up...I wish now I had....I mean that...you can't win and never will and what's more important, winning at all costs and loosing your son, or keeping your mouth shut and never vent to your son about her.  Ever!!!!!  Just pretend you like her and never speak cruely of her or to her...no matter what....

as far as buying gifts for them, you don't have to....but I wouldn't treat one better then the other, I would treat them all equally.  I love kids so it wouldn't be a problem for me...

but remember, please, hateful words and feelings only begats hate...and whatever bad karma you put out there, you will only get back in return....to actually do good, is much harder...to not hate is much harder...it's easy to be mean...manipulative...don't allow her to bring you down to her level.

And by the way, I don't care what DIL's from those other sites read what I have to say....they were mean and unthinking, and not all of them, but some of them were awful.

I wrote things that had nothing to do with them...and they got all bent out of shape, accusing me of writing about them?????  That, my friends was they're guilt. 

They took offense to my beliefs...I wrote once about allowing your husband....and they went off on me...they were insulted, b/c they ane they're husbands do EVERYTHING together? 
I encouraged my husband to have dates with his mom, yes mom dates...to take her to dinner...it made her happy...and gave them quality time together.  I believe strongly, these women who are wrong about they're MIL's, well, they're hate and jealousy will come back on them two fold when they're sons get married.  The old saying, what goes around comes around, and you get back what you dish out....

and I'm not referring to you 1dilwhosereal...only you know in your heart what the truth is...but if your playing games....I can only say, I feel very sorry for you....


thank you for this website and many thanks to all you ladies who have welcomed me....

I really do hope things work out for all of us...what I would suggest is counseling and working on you...and not hating her...when I did that, things started to get better, and let me tell you, it's hard work...very hard not to hate...but your life gets easier, and you will regress, but you will notice having better days...even if its babysteps.  It is not easy...especially when all your friends have such lovely DIL's. 

What bothers us the most is, we lost our sons to people who they don't deserve...and it worrys you, that if she can treat you that unkindly, be so manipulative and selfish, unaware, that you wonder what kind of life your son is living, and it makes you so sad...doesn't it. 



Hugs
Creme
Quote from: 2chickiebaby on November 30, 2009, 12:08:50 PM
I'm really afraid of them, Cremebrulee but yes, that was me.  They are vicious....there are no adequate words for them. 

You are welcome...what they did and said to you is just beneath contempt.  I do not know how they can sleep at night but they do, obviously.



Don't be afraid of them, there is nothing they can do to hurt you any longer...
remember, harsh words and bad karma comes back to haunt, like a bad penny....those girls have a lot of growing up to do, some of them will, some might, and some never do...they own their husbands....and that's how they think....and they don't care who they hurt...it was most evident in the way they talked to me...they were just like my DIL...but they can't hurt you...they are very angry girls...and more then fear them, I feel very sorry for them, b/c they have no awareness or care what they are doing to they're husbands.  It's a real shame when you treat your husband like a commodity...and effect so many other lives in a very negative way....

Hugs to ya...
Creme

2chickiebaby

Dear Cremebrulee,
If the people on this site could see another site, where I'm looking now, they would not believe what they are seeing.  The way these girls talk to you is....there are no words for it!! 

How in the world can they talk to you like that?  It would KILL me. Plus, I don't know if I could live through it and keep on.  Mentally, they are trying to murder you.  They have so much hate in them that their lives must be pure H E Double Toothpicks!!!  And worse!

cremebrulee

Hi Chickie
It's easy for them to do...and doesn't bother them in the least...they have a mind set, that I'm their very own MIL...so everything I say is intended for them, as far as they're concerned...they tell themselves, and each other, that I'm a bad person...I was told that they mocked me?  I dunno...only they know the answer to that...but we were lied to...the woman that ran one of those websites came to another forum to contact me and she contacted other MIL's.  She said a site was being created for just us, and we'd be safe there, that DIL's wouldn't be allowed...she left, and another woman took over, and she allowed DIL's in.  In an argument we were having, stating our claims that we were told that was our site...no DIL's were allowed, I copied and pasted the DM that was sent to me from the first woman.  Guess what, I was given an infraction for telling the truth...those two sites, well, many have said to me before, there is something very fishy about them.  And one of those women, would contact me and tell me they were talking about me on other DIL sites, just to sucker me back in again...and when I went back, and someone would start to hammer me, or accuse me, she would allow them to have their say, but when I tried to defend myself...she would close the thread, or one of the other DIL's would close it.  Really weird, but they either like you or they don't, and if they don't, boy the claws come out.  I don't care...really....b/c as I've stated so many times...what goes around comes around and when your mean to someone, someday, it will be returned to you.  And I don't me you, I mean people in general.  LOL...so, if they have sons, they're day is coming...believe me...I read in the Bible, somewhere, the Sins of the Father fall upon the Son...and it's so true...your children grow up to think and believe as you do...you have a temper, chances are, your children will...if you lie, your  children will...if you are mean spirited, your children will be....and so on.

Cream

2chickiebaby

I know exactly what you're talking about.  Creme, they have a murdering intent for you, there is no doubt about it.  Not real murder but murder indeed.

I was looking (why?!!!!) on there last night and what was said was that the DIL would ensure that her DH would go along with what she wanted, that he was not quite on board with the cutoff from his parents but was going to be.

OH!!!!  Why do I look at those things???  I'm trying to murder ME by looking at them!!!  It  hurts so much and they know it.  I don't understand how these people can live with themselves.  They thrive, though.  What sad lives they have if all they do is get an MIL on the site and try to make her worse than she already is.


Glitterati

Quote from: cremebrulee on December 11, 2009, 05:17:43 AMLOL...so, if they have sons, they're day is coming...believe me...I read in the Bible, somewhere, the Sins of the Father fall upon the Son...and it's so true...your children grow up to think and believe as you do...you have a temper, chances are, your children will...if you lie, your  children will...if you are mean spirited, your children will be....and so on.  Cream

Uh...Creme...what do you see when you apply that statement to yourself?  Why would it apply to one if not to all?  Did you mean to say something else...or do you just not think the statement you made applies to you?

I lurked on several other sites over the last few years that you've been on.  There were people who slammed you; some were downright mean--and some of them even had their hands slapped for it.  BUT, there were just as many who tried to help, and you didn't want to hear any of it if it wasn't 100% rah, rah, rah to your side.

I truly hope you find some peace soon.  It sucks to be stuck in the same emotional rut and to not be able to to be unwilling to move forward.  I've been there...and from your past and current postings...it seems you may be, too.

Glitterati

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on December 11, 2009, 05:31:44 AM
I was looking (why?!!!!) on there last night and what was said was that the DIL would ensure that her DH would go along with what she wanted, that he was not quite on board with the cutoff from his parents but was going to be.

I think mil's look at "dil" sites and dil's look at "mil" sites because we want to know what the other side thinks.  At least some do.   I think some want it as a learning experience and some want it as validation of their own experiences and some want to use it to gather ammunition.  Lots of reasons, I think; some good, some bad.

2chickiebaby

I have never seen any one of them take her side.  I don't stay long but I've only seen pure hate for Creme.  Brutal hate.

2chickiebaby

This is the only MIL site.  There are no others.

Glitterati

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on December 11, 2009, 05:38:32 AM
I have never seen any one of them take her side.  I don't stay long but I've only seen pure hate for Creme.  Brutal hate.

I saw some of the moderators try to help her.  I saw some try to get through to her.  In trying to help her they didn't 100% agree with her...but that's not always what helping is about.  Eventually, most of those who did try to help got tired and went tough love.

That's my perception as a lurker...I never posted on the other boards.  I just read.  I saw some really reasonable people there...and I saw some really unreasonable people there. 

Glitterati

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on December 11, 2009, 05:39:29 AM
This is the only MIL site.  There are no others.

There was another one.  Not any longer.  Very little traffic on it.

I'm sure other sites exist...the web is too big for them not to be there.

I've seen Creme's story on multiple sites about mils, dils, and families over the last several years.  Unless it is someone else using the name Creme brulee.  Which I guess it could be--but the issues are identical.

2chickiebaby

Yes, there was another one where we were promised to be treated with respect.  We weren't;  all MILs were kicked off. 

This is it for us.  The web is big but not for the Mother of a son.

2chickiebaby

Anna, they thrive...they not only live but they thrive.  If an MIL gets on there they PM each other scheming to take her down.  It is truly disgusting and "murder by words".   They thrive. :(