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Where to Start? My daughter-in-law

Started by ginger, June 20, 2011, 04:22:27 PM

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tryingmybest

Muffin, no offense taken and I agree we need to get back to the positive tone of this site. Negative tones and perceptions distort communication. Surfinbirdy if I insulted you by calling you a DIL, I am truly sorry that offended you.  :-\

@ thank you Sassy, I think my son's reaction was the natural result of my jumping in too quickly to protect his fragile ego as a child. I'm afraid he grew up thinking the world and all in it needed to revolve around his views. I here by apologize to every teacher I ever challenged. Yikes! Payback is hard.

themuffin

OMG!!! :o  Tryingmybest!!!  OMG!!! I just realized I'm a DIL ;D 

No, but serious...I truly just realized that. ;)

My MIL and I didn't get along in the beginning.  In fact I was not allowed in her home for an entire year.  I was 17 and her DS had opened his first bank account and she named herself beneficiary on it.  I had also opened a bank account and named him.  When he told MIL he wanted to change it so it named me she became very upset.  It was very ugly.  I wasn't allowed back into her home until the day we told them we eloped and I was pregnant.  From that day forward it was as if the ugliness had never happened. It took time for us to warm up to each other.  We were cordial but I wasn't very fond of her.  Now all these years later she is second to my own mother.  I adore and love her. 

I guess I just wanted to put it out there that there is hope for all of us.

hugs,
TheMuffin
AKA-FMIL
AKA-DIL


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Scoop

Muffin - I had a similar thought this morning.

The people on this board who are MIL's have also (usually) been DIL's.  So they can usually see both sides of any story.

However, the ones who identify as DIL's haven't been MIL's yet, so we can't completely understand that side.  Oh, we can sympathize, sure, but we can't *know* what it's like.

Also, I for one, really try and play devil's advocate and intentionally try to give a DIL's perspective.  (Except for Pen's DIL - I can't get on her side at all!)

elsieshaye

Twyla, it takes 15 minutes to open a bank account in one's own name, and if he requests that everything be electronic and gives his mom's home address as his mailing address, there's no reason for anything to come to his home.   I had to squirrel away money prior to leaving my emotionally abusive ex, and I did it by opening a new account, cashing savings bonds that were in my name and depositing the money in the new account.  If there had ever been a subpoena of all my bank records, the account would have been visible and able to be incorporated into child support calculations as needed.  That's not the case if I'd given the money to my mother to hold on to, which is the point at which it looks like hiding assets, even if that's not what's intended.
This too shall pass.  All is well.

tryingmybest

Muffin, me too!  ;) and after 35 years my MIL, God Bless her still makes me nuts.  :o LOL.

Pen

LOL! "We don't need no stinkin' badges (or labels)!"

I know we are moving on with the OP, but as one of the posters mentioned above I'd like to respond. My use of the word "apology" in praising Trying's acknowledgement of the tone of her post was not meant as a slight to another poster. My feeling at the time was that Trying was expressing her apology, but it is true she didn't use the words "I'm sorry." I will not apologize for my poor choice of words, as much as I wish I'd not used them, because IMO an apology is like a vow one will never make the same mistake again, and I cannot in good conscience guarantee that I won't mispeak in the future.

Trying, I too hope for the best with your son. We do the best we can and sometimes it backfires. If you hadn't run interference you'd probably be blamed for not ever sticking up for him.

Themuffin, thanks for that story. DIL & I are now at the cordial/not fond of me stage. Hoping for the best!

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

There are many ways to use a Website. We can listen to each other and care and then offer what we have to offer or we can use it to be unkind, judgmental and narrow-minded. The later is not what WWU is for. Please reread the Modified Agreement. We aren't a "one-size-fits-all" site. No site is. No one is going to hammer us into a different shape and create something different here for their own purposes.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama