Author Topic: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?  (Read 2213 times)

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SassyDI

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Re: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?
« Reply #15 on: May 31, 2011, 06:36:19 AM »
LL, thank you.

No I don't think it's a personal dig.  It's just the way they did it and the timing of it was really, really bad.  It wouldn't be as hurtful to either DH or myself if they had handled it a different way.  As Jennifer Aniston once said about Brad Pitt missing a "sensitivity chip."

DH and his siblings were raised in a very competitive environment too.  I got a new car last summer and most of his siblings were upset b/c it was a pretty nice car.  A couple even went out and bought a nicer car right after I did lol.  So for me, it's hard not to take things personally even if they are not personal.  That's just how they are and as I much as I detach, it seems like I keep getting sucked back in.

We've had several family members on my side announce pregnancies and friends but nothing stung DH or I in this way.

Hate people like that.  If they are being cometivie about a baby that is just sad and plain out mean.  Not only to you but for that baby.

Offline Pooh

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Re: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?
« Reply #16 on: May 31, 2011, 06:48:04 AM »
"I know that they don't have many social graces, I know that many people have so many issues with them and their rude behavior. I know that they don't have very good boundaries and can't keep somethings to their selves and think of others."

Yep, you know it.  It wasn't personal against you, it's just how they are.  That doesn't make it any less hurtful or thoughtless for you, but you know....they are a bunch of phooey-heads!  They don't deserve your congratulations for being so thoughtless.  They don't deserve a happy thought because they are rude and they definately don't deserve your concern because they never concern themselves with you.

Now, you are going to do it anyway.  Why?  Because you are not like them.  You are selfless, intelligent, thoughtful, caring, sweet, kind and a wonderful person.  You are eventually going to congratulate them and be happy for them because that's who you are.  You will rise above their thoughtless ways and move on, because you are a good person.  They don't deserve it, but you do.  You deserve not to have to worry about feeling badly about wishing them well.  What they don't deserve is your worry.

I am sorry you and DH are having a rough time right now and that people are so thoughtless about what you are going through. 

Ok, now time to laugh:

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their hiney has grown too big since getting married..

10% of women think their hiney is just as big as it was when they got married..

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri

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Re: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?
« Reply #17 on: May 31, 2011, 07:13:47 AM »
Hey Pam,

I've been exactly where you are right now. I had my first m/c the day my nephew was born. Was I happy for  them? Yep. Was I celebratory? No. I even asked personally that to be removed from their e-mails with 48 attachments of baby photos, after I offered my congrats. Was everyone thinking DH and I were ridiculous, selfish, insensitive? Yep. Was I doing it to protect the mental state I was in at the time, so I didn't really care what they thought? Yep. 

Mom flipped out when I moved home two weeks after that decided not to go to a dinner she was having for my brother, his pregnant wife and their DD. She didn't get it. She thought I should be surrounded by happy things, when for that time (about a month), I just wanted to grieve. She told me I was hanging onto pain. Was I? Uh-huh. I knew I wasn't going to do it forever, just for a little while. If I missed a dinner, so what?

I came around just in time for my niece to be born (about a month after the dinner), and headed down south to pitch in, celebrate, help and be happy. I found out while I was down there that I was pregnant again. I would later go onto miscarry a second time, but because I allowed myself to grieve thoroughly the first time, I was in a  much better frame of mind to be around other children /newborns/pregnant women at the time. My grieving process was different the second time around: I was dealt a hand that I just had to figure out to play somehow...acceptance was a lot closer to me that time.

My thoughts are if you need to avoid them for your own personal well-being, absolutely. I think you can be happy and wish them well-wishes from a distance. I know that you'll come around eventually, so it's not like it is permanent. Do what works best for you. You're not being selfish or wrong, you're just protecting yourself for now. Plus, as I say, infertility/miscarriage is not something many people can understand if they haven't been through it themselves.

Offline pam1

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Re: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?
« Reply #18 on: May 31, 2011, 09:24:11 AM »
Pooh, lol funny joke.  And you're right, I went out this morning and bought them a card and have already sent it.  I guess I just needed to get it out here, I felt so bad for DH last night.  I talked to my stepmom this morning and the first thing she said was, well aren't you glad you aren't them?  And yeah, I am lol.  I am happy for them, I'm just tired of their behavior.  I'll get over it although DH....I can't tell right now.

Thanks for sharing, Holly.  It is so hard for so many couples, I really wish there was more information out there for the general public.  And you're right, it really is about protecting me, not them. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Offline Pooh

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Re: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?
« Reply #19 on: May 31, 2011, 09:49:12 AM »
I feel bad for your DH as well.  Men are supposed to be made of steel and we sometimes forget that they have deep feelings too.  Give him some time.  He has to come to grips with it on his own terms.  Have I told you that I really like your SM?  ;D
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

holliberri

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Re: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?
« Reply #20 on: May 31, 2011, 12:46:40 PM »
Pam,

If DH is distraught over this, it might not be a bad thing. It might be bad now, but I think it means you have a real partner through all of this. You guys are on what I would consider an emotional roller coaster. It's one of the few situations in life where you have no choice but to put fear aside, bite the bullet and keep subjecting yourself to possible hurt in order to have any shot of obtaining the outcome you would like.

I think his hurt shows it is just as important to him as it is to you. I wish his family could be more respectful of his feelings; but I guess family isn't always like that.

Offline pam1

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Re: Just a little down - anything funny going on guys?
« Reply #21 on: May 31, 2011, 01:07:47 PM »
Pooh, haha SM is a good doobie :)  I'm so glad we both hung in there with our relationship.  So stressful when she and my dad first married. 

Holly, thanks that is a good way to look at it!  I get so hung up in trying to protect his feelings, his family is very hard on him.  Very openly critical and disapproving on just about everything he does. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift